The main building looms tall over me. Our Lady of Grace Academy was a school founded on Catholic principles with the gothic architecture to match. The main building was three stories tall with a literal steeple. The school itself was modeled after churches from the days of old. This influence wasn’t limited to its exterior either, the inside of the school itself was dimly lit. Its light came from strategically placed windows, chandeliers with modern light bulbs, and dozens of wall scones. The school had been built at the turn of the previous century but even after renovations, it retained its primitive charm, often juxtaposing antique features with modern amenities. It was a strange but satisfying combination and I loved it.12Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxMYvmc3Zj
Instead of walking in through the main doors, I veered towards the courtyard. The courtyard was accessible through an ivy-covered arch and was a popular place for students to convene before classes began. This was the place where Teagan and I had first met. Since my brother was a maintenance man, he had to be at the school an hour before classes began and since he was my ride, that meant I was always an hour early too. Teagan and I had spent that morning laughing, gossiping, and just enjoying each other’s presence. I briefly wondered if that trend would continue this year.
I cross under the ivy-covered arch and enter into the courtyard. While I try to keep my face as expressionless as possible, my eyes are roving the crowds of students already gathered, looking for a familiar brunette. I scan the crowds as I walk to the row of perfectly manicured bushes that had marked our meeting spot for the past few years. Suddenly the crowd parts and I can see Teagan. My heart leaps in my chest. There's a rush of excitement and anticipation before the nerves hit me. Teagan is not alone. Not only is Teagan standing by her cousin, Brianna, but there are also two other girls. I squint until I’m able to make out their faces. The girls are Sophia Knightly and Hannah Michaelson. My heart drops. What is she doing with them?
I want to turn back but just as I’m about to commit to cowardice, Hannah Michaelson looks up from their conversation and meets my eyes. She makes a face that is something between a smile and a sneer.
“Oh, look at who it is, ladies.” She says, getting the attention of the other girls.
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from cringing due to the sudden attention on me. Four pairs of eyes are glued to me.
I mentally kick myself. Teagan is my friend. She's been my friend for three years. I know we haven’t talked much this summer but she was understandably busy. She was burdened with the unexpected task of helping her cousin get settled in and comfortable in a city that she hadn’t lived in in years. Maybe I had been overthinking the entire situation?
“Hey, guys. How are y'all?” I say, my voice comes out sounding oddly high-pitched and fake.
Hannah laughs, “We’re doing great. How are you? I didn’t see much of you over the summer. Teagan said you got like a summer job or something? Whatever that is.”
I meet eyes with Teagan who looks away. What summer job is she talking about? All I had done this summer was practice this year’s SAT vocabulary words, help around the house, and wait around for Teagan’s messages.
Hannah and Sophia were what Teagan had considered ‘secondary’ friends. I hadn’t seen much of them on her Instagram but did this mean that she had been hanging out with them too? I briefly wondered if I should go along with Teagan’s lies or confront her. To be honest, I already knew what I would do before I even considered it.
“Oh, yeah. I had to get a summer job at Baskin Robbins to help out,” My voice hasn’t lost the high-pitch quality that only appears when I feel awkward or nervous.
Sophia slowly nods, “Oh, right. I forgot you were poor.”
I bristle at her words but I try not to let the smile drop from my face.
Brianna looks at me in surprise, “You’re poor?” I watch as her eyes take me in from head to toe, noting that even if my uniform is marked with OLGA and its crest, there is still something that screams low quality about me. It's something that only those of the upper echelon can distinguish. Brianna may have been Teagan’s cousin but she had been living outside of the city and going between New York and Europe for the last five years. She apparently didn’t know anything about me. I wonder what, if anything, Teagan had told her about me. Did Teagan even tell her that we are best friends?
I go to answer but Hannah cuts me off, “Yeah, she’s poor as hell. The only reason why she goes here is because her brother is a janitor.”
The girls all laugh. I even see Teagan force a chuckle. She still doesn’t meet my eyes.
“I guess he’s kind of hot though, but only in a sexy pool boy kind of way,” Sophia giggles behind her hand, stealing glances at the other girls, as if she's making sure she hasn’t gone too far by admitting a crush on someone who makes under 100k a year.
Hannah laughs, “I guess he would be good for a casual fuck. Of course nothing serious though. Even if your family did have money, my daddy wouldn’t like it if I dated someone… so different.”
She trails off but her eyes linger on my skin and curly hair.
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from making a face even though my eyes are starting to burn. I look at Teagan but she is still ignoring me.
I finally decide to directly address her, “Well, now that we’re catching up. How have you been, Teagan? I know you’ve been busy this summer. We didn’t get to hang out as much as we usually do.”
Teagan finally meets my eyes, unable to ignore me any longer now that all of the girls are looking between us.
“Yeah, I know. I’ve been so busy with Brianna and the others this summer. I’m sorry we didn’t get to hang out so much this summer. Maybe we’ll find some time this school year.”
I nod, “Of course. Now that I’m not working that summer job, I have a lot more free time.”
Teagan looks me in the eyes. She doesn’t appreciate it when I indirectly call her out on her shit.
“That sounds great. I know you're busy with all of your scholarship stuff, but look for us when you have the time, okay?” Teagan says, her tone indecipherable.
Brianna looks at me, “Wait, you're on a scholarship?”
Hannah looks at her, “You don’t seriously think a janitor can afford tuition here, do you?”
Brianna’s eyes rake over me once again, as if she can see more than just the stain of poverty, “I guess not.”
My cheeks warm under her stare. I look at Teagan almost instinctively but she’s pulled a blank, amused expression over her face. It’s almost as if she’s someone I’ve never met before. It's almost as if I mean nothing to her. For the first time, all of the excuses I’ve been telling myself this summer begin to feel like what they truly are, just lies. Comforting lies, but lies nonetheless.
I open my mouth but then Hannah cuts me off, “I guess we’ll see you around. We’ve got to get ready for classes.”
My mouth opens and then closes. I look at Teagan again, almost helplessly, but she's looking at the others. I think or I guess I realize that I’ve lost her. I’ve lost her and I don’t think I’ll ever get the friendship we had back. Should I have tried harder? Should I have fought to be included in their gatherings this summer? Part of me knows that it wouldn’t have made a difference.
I force myself to nod, “Of course. I need to go find my first period. Can’t be late.”
Sophia giggles, “Yeah, you don’t want to lose your scholarship, right?”
My jaw clenches of its own accord but I smile at her, “Nope. I really need it.”
Hannah gives me a dismissive wave of her hand, “Alright, well have fun with… that. We’ll catch you around.”
I nod and smile as they all walk away. I stare at Teagan’s retreating form, willing her to turn back and give me a secret smile. I don’t care. I just need to know that this isn’t the real her. I need to know that she’s just caught up in their games and forced to go along with it. I need to know that she still cares about me.
She doesn’t turn back. She doesn’t look at me. Teagan only throws her head back, her shiny brown hair catching in the breeze as she laughs along to whatever they are saying. I wonder if they’re talking about me. I know in my heart that they are but I try to lie to myself anyway. I don’t think I do a good job of it.
My eyes burn with unshed tears as I watch the four girls depart. I stand there alone, just staring after them.
I’m all alone now.
I turn away from them. There are students everywhere. I feel like they're all pressing in on me. I struggle to find some kind of grounding force but there's none to be found. I am alone here. I am almost lost. I push through the crowd seeking an opening. All I can see are the colors of the school and pretty ribbons.
I finally fight my way through the crowd. There’s finally enough space to breathe. Now that the girls are gone, I allow my tears to begin to fall. I try to manage them by wiping them away with my sleeve, but they're coming so fast that it's not enough. I’m practically blinded by my tears as I run away from the scene, looking for any place that is devoid of other students.
I run, blinded by my tears until suddenly I collide with something hard. It steals my breath. I'm surprised to feel two strong arms around me, holding me up. I blink back my tears and drag a sleeve across my eyes to clear my vision. I suck in a steadying breath and look up only to lose all of the breath in my lungs once again.
I stare into the electric eyes of the person holding me. It’s Ren Takeshima. My heart begins to race at the same moment that my lungs fight for breath. I want to struggle to my feet but I am paralyzed in his gaze. His electric gaze holds me still as I meet his eyes, tear streaks on my face. I don’t know what causes it, but something breaks the spell. His eyes suddenly flash with surprise and his grip on me loosens. He lets me drop to the floor and once again, my breath is stolen from me as I hit the pavement.
I land amongst folders and scattered papers.
“What the fuck, bitch? You made me drop my shit,” Ren scoffs as he looks at me.
I look up from my spot on the floor to meet his eyes. I still can’t respond. His eyes have me in a trance.
“I…I’m sorry,” My voice comes out of its own accord. “I didn’t mean to run into you.”
His eyes are cold as they stare into me, “I didn’t ask what you meant to do. I just told you to pick up my shit.”
I stare into his eyes for another moment, unable to look away. Ren Takeshima was a dream, an ideal impossible to reach. I had watched him silently for the last three years but I had never been this close to him before. He was even more stunning from so close-up. I couldn’t connect the nerve endings between my brain and my mouth to tell myself to shut my own mouth so that I wouldn’t be staring up at him slack-jawed. His hair was so silky. His eyes are so clear. His skin is so pale. Even though we were in a uniform with the same crest, it somehow looked better on him. Maybe I finally understood what the other girls saw in me? Maybe I finally understood how the uniform didn’t matter as much as the person wearing it did.
“What the fuck? Are you just gonna lay there or are ya gonna get up?” His voice sounds uninterested even if his words are brutal.
“I…I-” I open my mouth but nothing I could think of seemed important enough to burden him with. I close my mouth and run away.
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