I don't know how long it was before Professor McGonagall found me. I was so lost in my own grief that I hardly understood what she was saying to me. "Come now, Miss Holmes, let's get you up to the common room where you can rest."
"No!" I remember shouting at her, tears still pouring from my eyes. "I can't leave her! I can't leave my sister!"
"She's gone now, Miss Holmes," she said softly. "There's nothing more you can do."
Though her words hurt, I knew the truth in them. As though in a dream, a horrible, terrible dream, I stood, my stiff muscles aching, and followed her to the common room. McGonagall promised me that she would go back for my sister's body with Madame Pomfrey. I nodded, not really paying attention to what I was agreeing to, and, still in my trance, found my bed and crawled into it and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
I picked at my food, not really paying attention to what I was eating. I heard the voices of the hundreds of other Hogwarts students, but nothing truly registered. There was laughter, but it seemed out of place in my mind.
I had gone home during the Christmas holidays to attend Elizabeth's funeral. Until then, I had been unable to accept that she had died. Although I had promised her that I would continue to attend Hogwarts, it felt wrong returning to the castle without her. The closer the train had brought me, the heavier the grief was on my heart.
I had refused to discuss Elizabeth's death with anyone. The pain was too fresh, too harsh to bear, and recounting that night would have been impossible. Even now, I wasn't sure that I was capable of speaking about that night.
I felt a gentle pressure on my hand. My mind returning to the present, I glanced down to see the source. Fred had taken my hand in his. I raised my gaze to look into his soft brown eyes. Usually so full of mischief, I noticed that they were now full of genuine concern. I gave him a weak smile and went back to my food.
A flash of bright pink caught my attention. Looking up, I saw that Umbridge had just arrived. I wondered at this; it was highly unusual of her to be late. In fact, to my knowledge, she had never been late, always exactly on time.
A flood of anger suddenly overtook me, drowning out my grief. It was because of this evil bitch that my sister was dead, I was sure of it. She had done something to her, something to make her feel the need to take her own life. An idea came to me in that moment, and I ate my dinner with new zeal.
When I was done, I hurried to the common room, hoping that Harry hadn't turned in for the night. Fortunately, when I strode into the common room, I saw him sitting near the fire with Granger and Ron.
I went straight towards him, and, without preamble, said, "I want to join Dumbledore's Army."
Harry stared in surprise; I had hardly spoken since Elizabeth's death, and I had denied his offer before. "Wh - what?" he stammered.
"You heard me," I said, harsher than I intended.
"Well, okay," he replied. "I just - I mean, you were worried about getting into trouble before, so -"
I interrupted. "I don't care about that anymore. Elizabeth is dead because of Umbridge, so I am going to defy that woman as much as I can." I spoke with a finality that I hoped would end any discussion of it.
Harry seemed to understand, although I could tell that I had aroused his curiosity. "Okay," he said. "Great. We'll be reviewing everything we've learned so far on the next meeting, so you'll be able to catch up a bit."
Relieved, I said, "Thank you." Then I turned to Granger. "Hermione," I started. The use of her first name surprised her; I had never used it before, and the name felt strange in my mouth. "For the last five years I have given you nothing but spite, and all because of a petty jealousy. I can see how foolish it was of me to criticize you so harshly, and I feel ashamed, especially for my recent act against you with the fake wand, which I realize now must have been very embarrassing. I don't feel that I have any right to be asking you for forgiveness, but I will ask for it. Will you forgive me?"
My speech seemed to stun her, but she recovered quickly. "Well, I suppose I could at that. I honestly never saw why you would ever have been jealous in the first place, but I suppose you had your reasons."
I smiled slightly, glad that she had responded this way and that I had gotten that off my chest. "Well," I said, "good night." I suddenly felt drained, as though all the energy had been sucked out of me. I slowly shuffled to the dormitory, nearly staggering.
Someone stopped me. Momentarily frightened, I saw that it was Fred. In my hurry to speak to Harry, I hadn't noticed him walk in. "Hey, " he said softly. "How are you?" He gently placed a hand on my cheek, the other on my waist.
"I -" I started to saw that I was fine, but that wouldn't have been completely true. Yes, I had taken my opportunity to defy Umbridge, but it wasn't going to bring my sister back. I would never be able to see her face again. We wouldn't be going to Honeyduke's together or staying up late whispering and giggling while we told each other stories. She was gone. Before I could stop them, tears welled up in my eyes and quickly spilled over onto my cheeks.
"Come here, Leliana," whispered Fred, pulling me into a warm embrace with his strong arms. I buried my face in his chest, as much for the comfort as to muffle my crying. I hadn't cried since the night Lizzie had died, so the release was welcome.
When I was done, I slowly pulled away and wiped the tears from my face with my hands. "Thanks," I mumbled, suddenly embarrassed that I'd done this in the common room.
In reply, he brought his hand to my face again. "I will always be here for you, Ana," he whispered.
I stared wide-eyed at him. He rarely used my nickname, only using it in the most serious of conversations; he mostly used it when he was discussing plans for his joke shop. "Truly?" I asked. "Always?"
"Always. I love you, Ana. I've always loved you. All those years of casual friendship just weren't enough for me - I knew that you were the one for me, but I never had the courage to say anything. I know this might sound surprising, but it's true! I love you, Ana, with all my heart!"
I was astounded by what I'd just heard him say. Could it be true? I so desperately wanted it to be so. Heart pounding, I responded, "I love you, too!"
I could see relief and happiness spread across his face, that contagious happiness that I caught despite my sadness. I allowed the emotion to spread through and overtake me as Fred pressed his lips to mine and engaged me in a tender kiss. Perhaps I can be happy, I thought. After all, wallowing in my grief wouldn't do anyone any good. It would only prevent me from keeping my promise to Lizzie. It would prevent me from my goal of defying Umbridge. And perhaps most importantly, it would prevent me from falling utterly and completely in love with Fred Weasley and feeling that same love returned.
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