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Dealing with so much hurt from a 15 yrs relationship is not easy all specially when you thought you kept your self so what you called guarded so you thought but it is like in a matter of seconds the gates come crashing down and the bull shit and the hurt and the broken trust comes crashing in on you and it is like something you can not explain but for me i felt like my whole world was crashing in on me that i could not breath I found my self more lost than ever before and i felt so fucken stupid why did i let him hurt me this way why did i let him do this to me and you know i had thought back on this shit and i have asked my self all the 101 questions and let me tell you no one can be harder on you than your self that is a true fact cause i was so hard on my self like i tore my self down more than he ever could but from me doing that i felt like he won because that is what he wanted me to do.
As i would set on my bed while i was a lone i would scream and i would cry and i kept asking my self why i thought i was done looking and he would love me for ever but truly he did not and i did not want to ask him cause i would never get the truth from him cause he always has lied so why bother to ask,
Even tho i remarried my first husband Roger i still do not feel a 100% but at least he is staying by my side through this pain and the devastation that Paul has caused me hell Paul has said to me that i have bipolar and i do not have that I just got PTSD that i even told him that he has caused and he does not even care he has moved on with his life and i truly do not care i just don't want no other woman to go through what i did cause he does not care about him self let alone someone else hell his own son don't want nothing to do with him.
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