"... I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again - my Life seems to stop there - I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I were dissolving..." John Keats771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlfBhE2LAo
771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPxEVh5tcE
Now
I should have known that everything was about to change by the downpour that tried to drown me as I stood in the middle of the campus.
The truth was I needed no conviction for that, for my body refused to cooperate safe from my eyes, and even they were unblinkingly set on the image in front of me.
More specifically, a person in front of me.
Assured that what I was seeing was just a reflection of my tired minds invention, I forced myself to blink. Regardless, he still stood there, hidden under the colorful umbrella he shared with few girls, their laughter sounding as a happy cry of rebellion against windy, rainy day. If it wasn't for the same rain that clung to my hair and clothes, I would be sure I was imagining thing.
He had changed.
A year and a half that passed since the last time I saw him has been kind to him, or so it looked like. The boyish features he possessed matured, making him look more like a man and less like a teenager I remembered. His brown hair has grown a little and it was styled upwards in messy but yet classy way, instead of being splattered to his forehead like it used to be. His body changed as well, he wasn't as skinny as before but more slender looking, not burly nor scrawny.
The continuous thud of the rain grew duller, until it became nothing but a faraway sound in the background of my ears, replaced by my heartbeat that echoed with ever growing speed. Strange nostalgia coated in residues of pain twisted my stomach as I observed him laughing wholeheartedly at something one of the girls said, but other than that I was numb to everything.
I wasn't sure how to feel.
The truth was that I had tried to prepare myself for this moment, to convince myself I was over him, tough my whole coaching slipped through my fingers as I watched him say goodbye to the girls and hurriedly walk towards the exit of the campus.
My feet shuffled after him, squeaking over the wet concrete tough it wasn't my intention to follow him. Before I saw him on the campus and turned into a wax figure, I have been heading towards the coffee shop I worked in. And I spend the entire ten minute walk walking slowly after his hunched figure, praying that he would make a turn or continue towards the exit.
Hoping that luck would turn me its good side was a long shot, for I should have known better than to surprise when he made a sharp turn left and jogged straight into the Yellow Submarine, the coffee shop in which my shift started five minutes ago.
And that's when I started to panic.
"You're late," Tara, one of my coworkers informed me as soon as I passed through the back entrance of the coffee shop. She was never quite particularly fond of me, quite contrary, she was the one always gladly informing me of anything I did wrong. I've learned to ignore her throughout the one year we worked together, but today was not the day she should step on my nerves.
"Piss off Tara."
I brushed past her, catching only a glimpse of her wincing back with a gasp, before I entered the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Quickly opening the tub I splashed my face with cold water, only remembering then that the rain had already done that job. Leaning over the sink I forced myself to take deep breaths.
It was ridiculous, to be honest, and quite shameful that he still had this kind of power over me, and I scolded myself inwardly. This was affecting me more than I ever imagined would, but I needed to get a hold of myself.
"Don't be stupid Lexi," I said to my reflection in the mirror, trying to give myself a pep talk before I went out of my hiding spot in bathroom. "He's just a boy."
Loud knocking on the door startled me, but my surprise quickly grew into annoyance as I heard a high pitched voice from behind.
"Move it, Lexi, we got work to do. Talk to yourself in your own time, the place is packed."
Giving myself a final node of reassurance, I turned the lock and slipped out. My mind on autopilot, I quickly exchanged my jacket and backpack for an apron and a name tag. Peaking over the door that lead from the kitchen and into the actual coffee shop I searched for him with my eyes.
True to Tara's words, the coffee shop was indeed packed. All the tables were full, some students lingered next to the counter and front door, unmistakably hiding from the rain. The buzz of their conversation mixed perfectly with soft beats of music in the background, and my mind barely regregistered the Pink Floyd's "Wish you were here".
Urged by a vicious glare from Tara, I slipped forward, but retained next to the coffee makers, keeping my back towards the crowd. The chances of him recognizing me were very slim, for I had changed for the past year and a half. However, I could take no chances.
"Welcome to Yellow Submarine, what can I get you?"
Tara's voice was chirping and sickly sweet as usual, and it would probably fall to the deaf ears if I wasn't so focused on hearing everything around me. With my back turned, I had only sense of hearing to distinct him among others. That was probably the reason why I noticed a flirty tone in Tara's voice, something that could easily pass me on any other day.
"Hi, can I get coffee, please? No milk." Every single hair on my body stood at the sound of that voice, followed by a cold sweet that flushed me. My breathing stilled, almost nonexistent for a moment, before it began its race like a horse in the race. Heart pumping like on roller coaster, my hands trembled as I prepared his order mechanically. If it wasn't for a year long experience my mind acquired preparing beverages, I doubt I would be able to perform that simple task.
"Would you take that here or to go?"
There were no prayers left unsaid, nor mantras un-chanted in that exact moment for him to take the offer to go. My hands fumbled with the coffee maker, grinding and mixing his coffee, making sure to add extra milk. A petty, pathetic sing of spite from my side.
"I guess the rain subsided a little, so I'll take the coffee to go."
"Your name."
"Finn."
Letting out a breath I was holding this entire time, I felt the muscles on my back slowly relaxing. Hurrying up with my task, I quickly took the paper cup Tara handed me, making sure I kept my back turned. Needing him to leave the coffee shop as soon as possible, I had already prepared it a different cup, and putting them together quickly left in on a table.
I have counted every minute from his 'thank you'; the echo of his steps on the ground, until the bell chimed beautifully upon his wake. And the entire time, I chanted the cheesy, overly used phrase from the movie we all know:
Conceal, don't feel...
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