As I put on my maid outfit the only thing I can think about is my higher-up, I think about talking to her, being near her, holding her hand, kissing her and living my life with her. I know those thoughts are sinful, if anyone ever found out that I do not care for the men but the women instead, they would hang me for all the village to see, as they all throw rotten food at my dead body. Disgusted by the person they were told I was but not for who they knew I truly was.
I wonder, would I even be allowed my share of final words? Or would they hang me before I can even get the chance to think of a single sentence? They always allowed final words for the convicted witches, but would I, a homosexual, be allowed?
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVWoZTOs4z
Lady Vane lives away from the village, but not too far because it would be suspicious, according to her. Lady Vane does and says a lot of things to avoid being suspicious. I am not sure why she goes to such drastic measures to prove she’s not a witch. She is nowhere even near being in the top 50 of the women suspected of witchery. Why would they ever suspect her anyways?
She is a beautiful woman who has devoted her life to Christianity, she has no husband but it is said that she married a good man at twenty-three, unfortunately, her husband died due to typhoid fever two years into their marriage, making her a widow for about five years now.
Sometimes I doubt that she ever had a husband since there are no signs of any man having previously been in her life, besides the single painting of her Mother and Father, but that’s her Father, that is very different.
Lady Vane makes me dust the painting every day, and only me. She says that I am the most careful and gentle with her belongings so she trusts none of the other maids but me to clean such an important piece of her life.
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlre6DgPf8X
I finally make it to the fifty-meter stone path that leads to Lady Vane’s house, every morning that I walk on this path I get nervous and my heart sinks into my stomach because every time I come over to do my job she’s inside ready to have the door wide open for me the second I put my foot on the last step, and all I can get out of my throat is a simple “hello Lady Vane”, no matter how much thinking I do within the quick few minutes of me walking up this clean beautiful path that Lady Vane put down herself.
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHPJvYevXl
There is a small flower garden every five meters on each side of the path, meaning that there are ten flower gardens on each side or twenty gardens if you add them all up.
I like to count the small things, they distract me from the thoughts I have about the one I work for but they also remind me about how smart she is and seeing her property as a whole just gives me a heart-aching reminder that something so much more beautiful lies in that house only twenty meters away from me now.
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrx5Ddt20mn
I stop at the fifteen-meter flower garden. An older maid, Mrs Patel is tending to the magic star lilies on my right. She turns to look up at me and gives me a smile you seem to only see on older women.
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURgFbUDdsb
“Hello Miss Joseph”
“Hello, Mrs. Patel” I lower my head a bit as I close my eyes for just a split second, as some sign of honour towards any higher-up.
I watch her cut off the dead flowers and complete the task of making the garden look tidy and clean, Mrs Patel then gets up and asks me if I can get her bag that is right beside me, as I grab her brown leather bag and hand it over she tells me that I look sickly.
“It’s just the heat Ma’am, I can still complete my duty to take care of Lady Vane and her house”
“You do know that if you are not feeling well Lady Vane will allow you to lay somewhere and take a break for as long as is truly necessary” She gives me a worried look but I do not care for her words as I refuse to do any resting on the job. “And you'll still get paid your regular amount, maybe a bit more if you’re really sick” She grins and gives me a wink at the end of her sentence.
“I refuse to do any resting when it comes to Lady Vane, if I could I would take care of Lady Vane for my entire life without leaving once.” Mrs. Patel’s expression changed from joking to uncomfortable, she doesn’t know what to say or do after I said something so unusual and so serious for our time
“Alright well take care of yourself dear, don’t work yourself to death” she puts her hand on my shoulder, despite just have been wearing gloves under her nails is a bunch of dirt and look chipped and rugged, I’m pretty sure she excessively bites them whenever her husband is away on a voyage “Just remember that it is okay to take breaks” I just nod my head so she can finally leave “well I think I should be heading home now, I heard that my husband will be returning any day now and I have to prepare for his arrival, Have a good day Miss Joseph”
“Goodbye Mrs. Patel, I’m sure you’re husband will be relieved to see you after so many months of being at sea”
“Thank you dear” I nod and watch her walk away.
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iOuaeIzm4
I turn back to the flowers, magic star lilies. Magic is deeply frowned upon in our religion and town, so much so that the court will kill any women who they believe practice witchcraft because we all believe that witchcraft leads to the devil. Sometimes I think Lady Vane is a witch for she may have cast some sort of sickening love spell on me but I know that she has the same opinions as the rest of the village when it comes to witchcraft, she is very vocal about her opinions. I like that about her.
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ULIqlQ1OG
Only three steps now. My heart is finally back in my chest where it belongs but I have lost all my words once again. I know the only way to get rid of this feeling is to work for someone else but I can’t bring myself to leave Lady Vane. She loves me working for her and I love working for her, I could and would never even dare to imagine any different scenario.
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLaGsnOw0e
As the daily routine that will soon be my death continues, I put my front foot on the last step as the door swings open quicker than my heartbeat and my eyes lay on the most beautiful woman to have ever existed. Her blonde hair and fair skin shine in the sun, and she is wearing her favourite blue and white vertical long-trained mantua dress, she would wear her matching fontange lace headdress but she never wears that at home, since there is only other women who work for her Lady Vane believes that there is no point to wear so much for no attention that she never cared for in the first place.
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VPIb9JgTy
“Miss Mary Joseph! Are you alright? Do you need to lie down?”
I snapped back to reality, she had been standing there, watching me stare at her with a look I should never have while looking at her or any other woman. To my daily shock and surprise instead of being disgusted or throwing me away to the wolfs that are the people of the village, she just looks at me with a warm smile which I want to be filled with love but I know isn’t, and yet my heart still melts
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzj1i3c1AP
“Hello Lady Vane” I looked shamefully to the ground for a second, my heart shattering as that was all I could say when greeting her once again, angry at myself for never being able to say anything more.
“Now Mary, what have I said before? You don’t have to call me Lady Vane. Please, just call me Trinity. Remember only you can call me by my first name, and I think that’s pretty lucky” She winks at me and I swear on my life my heart completely stopped at that moment.
“I am honoured, thank you. But I refuse, you are my superior, my higher up, I refuse to call you anything but Lady Vane.” I watch as her face drops to a sadden look and I brush past her, looking in every direction but hers, avoiding any possible eye contact.
“What would you like me to get started on Lady Vane”
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQIq8Z7cSp
Trinity deeply sighs, it looks like there are tears forming from her blue eyes, I wish I could wipe them off with my hand. I can tell just by her looks that me saying her name like that hurt her in a special kind of way, it seems to be the same type of pain someone feels at the end of an argument when they get called their real name instead of the nickname that they’re lover gave them.
But I don’t understand why on earth she would feel pain like that because of me. Maybe she’s fallen ill and can’t tell who I am or that it’s wrong to feel the way I do. She knows what God has told us and the rest of his children, doesn’t she? Or does she not care? What are her feelings and thoughts?
179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylD7cqQ72Y
“I want you to sweep all the stairs and the painting of my parents” She looks away from me, she still looks upset but I can’t tell which emotion she’s feeling. “Then go ahead and clean whatever else you find to be necessary”
I was in over my head and overthinking too much again. She feels nothing towards me, and she never will. I mean why would she? We’d both be killed if anyone found out. I feel a tear run down my cheek, I turn my back to her and walk away. It hurts too much to look at whom I love but am forbidden to, it especially breaks my heart when they have such a pitiful look on their face179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmJk8x0bGV
