Would he ever understand how much it hurt me to see him with her? She was just a girl who could never love him the way I could, she could never be the girl he really wants, yet he was with her to keep everyone happy, while my whole life felt like a freaking Taylor Swift song.
I know deep inside of me, that we are meant to be together, and I know that he does to, but he stays with her to make them all happy, and because he's a nice guy and doesn't know how to tell her to kindly screw off. He tells me things he says he could never tell her, but he ignores me when she's around, so she won't get mad at him.
But I don't want to start any drama, and I don't wanna hurt anymore, when I see them I just wanna stab the thing closest to me so it feels the same way I do. So I did something that took all of me to do, I walked away and I left him behind. He was somehow my cure and my poison, my rise and my downfall, he was love and he was war, but I was done with dealing with pain, so I walked away from him.
We were on fire, we could have been amazing, we could have been the couple that people write poems, and songs, and books, and movies about, but she would always get in the way. We were on fire, but all fires eventually have to die down, and ours did before either of us felt was time.
But then he comes to me and says that he doesn't care about her the way he cares about me, and that he doesn't care what people would say about us, but he says this all too late. He says this all after I've made up my mind about the future of him and I, he says this after I've decided to try to open myself up to love again, he says this as I'm moving on, he says this after my date with a new guy, one who doesn't have a girl that won't leave him alone.
He texts me while I'm with the new one and tells me that he wants to be the one that I'm with at that moment. I think he finally understands what it's like to not come first and I don't know how to respond to him. But it doesn't take long before I get another text from him saying that he wonders if the new one knows that he's held me first, or that he's touched my hair, and that at this point, he doesn't care if the new one knows about what we had before or not.
I see him again at a party with all of our friends and tells me I'm the one he wants to wake up to everyday and that he no longer cares about the other girl, and my heart wants to just forgive him and take him back at that second, but my head knows not to and I try to ignore him and move on. But then he says that I'm the one he wants to wake up next to every morning for the rest of time. He says that he knows that I'm conflicted as to what to do and that he doesn't blame me, that he would feel the same way, but he says he could make me happier than I could ever even imagine.
I go back home and for the first time in a while think about everything between him and I, and between the new one and I and if I want to ruin what I have with the new one for the slight hope that he was serious about everything, and to this day, I don't have an answer.
So as she waits for the ring that may never come, I know that I won't be happy with anyone while he's still a part of my life, so I pack my bags and move to another place, to start a whole new life and meet someone he won't know and someone that he won't let me be happy with. Or maybe meet no one at all and just take time for myself, to just be me and figure out what it is that I want. I can figure out if I was right or not about the two of us, and how I thought we were meant to be together at the end of the day. I can choose to take a risk of being happy with him, or take a risk of being happy somewhere else, but I know that he is my poison, so I try not to look back as I drive away from him, to find my happiness again.
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