Jesus Fucking Christ.
That was the first thought that ran through my mind after Payton told her story. That woman had been through more than anyone should in a lifetime and she had just spent the last thirty-six hours risking her safety and sanity to help me find my baby sister. Agent McDonald had entered the observation room shortly after Payton had started talking to Javier and he and Agent Jones made a few comments about Payton’s tactics in the beginning. But when Payton had dropped the bomb that she had been sold as a sex slave when she was ten years old the room had descended into a deadly silence that had yet to be broken.
When Payton stood to leave the interview room, I turned to stare at McDonald. I understood undercover work. I myself had portrayed myself in any number of different ways to gain access that was needed to get the job done. But never had I gone out of my way to make a girl fall in love with the lie. And I knew that McDonald would have had to work pretty hard to get past the emotional barriers that Payton carried with her.
The fact that Payton had turned on the criminal code she had been raised with and risked her life to save McDonald didn’t surprise me at all. After all, she had come seconds away from dying last night to save my sister and the other kidnapped girls. What I couldn’t wrap my head around was that after Payton turned state’s evidence to save McDonald that he would then use the evidence he had gathered to bully Payton into giving more testimony. She must have been nothing more than a means to an end to him. But then what was with the ‘man in love’ act he was putting on now with Payton. It just didn’t add up.
“Why?” I croaked out in a low voice that betrayed how tired and emotional I was. “Why the fuck would you do that to her?” I didn’t have to clarify, as McDonald knew exactly what I was talking about.
“It was the only way to keep her safe. She had given her immunity deal away. If I didn’t push for her to be used as a material witness, then she would have never gotten the witness protection deal. She would have been placed in Gen Pop. The Family would have found her and ripped her limb from limb.” McDonald said this in a small pleading voice. Like if he was trying to convince himself along with me that he had done the right thing.
“That doesn’t explain why you didn’t help her get out when she wanted to leave before you were discovered,” I countered.
“She was an active member of the mob. It was my job to shut them down. What did you expect me to do? Throw away my life and my career to run away with her?” Anger rolled through me at his tone. McDonald really believed that Payton was a criminal. Like she had a choice. Hadn’t Payton’s actions since she had enough freedom to act on her own illustrated that she is a fundamentally good person?
“She threw away her life for you.”
Didn’t he see that she had sacrificed everything for him and he had thanked her by making her relive the horrors of her childhood in front of a jury of her peers. Jesus Christ, no wonder Payton hadn’t wanted to go to him for help.
“I know. And if I can just talk to her. Explain how things got so out of hand. Then I know –“ McDonald’s words were cut off as I took two steps to cross the small room and pinned him to the wall. I gripped the FBI agent by his fancy suit coat and lifted him a few inches off the ground. His partner, Jones, took a step to intercede, but I just ignored the older man.
“Payton doesn’t want to talk to you. She has made that very clear. The only reason you have even laid eyes on her again is that she swallowed her own pain and pride to do everything possible to find Grace. You will not force your presence on that girl,” I hissed out the last sentence and let the implied threat sink in before stepping away from McDonald and leaving the small room.
I paused to scan the hallway but when I didn’t see Payton, I guessed that she had gone outside for some air. I was beginning to understand how much Payton had really done yesterday to find Grace. She had agreed to give testimony about her child abuse to ensure that McDonald stayed away from her but she barely hesitated to take me to McDonald. I thought back to when I believed Payton was being childish about having to confront an ex and guilt churned in my stomach.
I had to find her and make sure she was alright. I had no idea what kind of emotional damage pretending to be a victim would have on someone who had spent their childhood at the mercy of a child abuser. Fuck- Payton might have started out pretending last night but she had ended up a very real victim in the end. And I had basically thrown her into that situation.
I was a fucking selfish asshole.
I exited the building and looked around but couldn’t find Payton. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number but there was no answer. I checked with security and confirmed that she had reclaimed her weapons. Payton had left, and I had no idea where she would go. I considered my options and decided to return to the hospital to check on Grace. Maybe Payton had the same idea and she would be there comforting my sister. Payton did seem to know exactly what Grace needed to get through this while I felt completely lost on how to help my own sister.
I approached Grace’s hospital room and heard a woman’s voice that I didn’t recognize. When I turned into the room, I saw a woman with strawberry blonde hair sitting next to Grace’s bed and Grace’s doctor standing quietly by the door listening to the conversation between the woman I didn’t know and Grace. I took a step towards Grace but the doctor reached out in a stopping gesture. She did not want me to interrupt their conversation. I looked over and saw that Grace was quietly crying again but she didn’t seem more upset than she had since I had gotten her out of the warehouse. I flicked my head at the door and the doctor followed me out into the hallway.
“Who is that talking with my sister?” I demanded in a quiet but firm voice.
“That’s Dr. Hollinger. She is a highly regarded psychologist and the leading expert on helping people cope with sexual assault. It was my understanding that she wasn’t taking new patients because she is writing another book. But Dr. Hollinger said she was here to help Grace and I just assumed that you had called her in.”
“She is a psychologist?” I repeated trying to understand what was happening with my sleep-deprived mind.
“Yes, the most sought out psychologist in the New York metropolitan area. Grace will receive the best care the field can offer with Dr. Hollinger. I was going to ask you how you convinced her to take Grace’s case, but it sounds like you have no idea who she is.”
“He doesn’t,” Dr. Hollinger stated from Grace’s doorway. “Payton called me this morning. She told me that you two were called away and asked that I come and sit with Grace so that she knew that you hadn’t abandoned her.” Her voice was soft and musical, and it calmed my fraying nerves. I could sit for hours and listen to the sound of this woman’s voice.
“I was just telling Mr. Harris here how important you are in your field and we are very lucky to have you working with Grace. Does this mean that you are taking new patients again Dr. Hollinger?” Grace’s doctor asked the psychologist. I had to double-check that the woman wasn’t literally drooling over Dr. Hollinger.
“No, I am afraid not. My research is keeping me very busy these days and I don’t want to agree to see any patients if I cannot dedicate the time they need. I am going to work with Grace as a personal favor for an old friend.” That piqued my interest. If Payton was an old friend, then this Dr. Hollinger would have known her as Harper.
“Oh, well at least Grace will benefit from your expertise. I will leave you two to get acquainted.” With that Grace’s doctor left and I turned to look over Dr. Hollinger. She was tall for a woman, about five-ten, and was rail thin. Her strawberry blond hair was wavy and framed her heart-shaped face. Just a few freckles dotted her nose and under her emerald green eyes. She was beautiful. She reached out her hand and I took it in mine. Her hand felt small and delicate in my large palm.
“Hello, I’m Mia,” So we were dropping the formal titles. I liked that.
“Liam.”
“Yes, I had guessed. Payton told me a little about you.” I wondered what Payton would say about me. I had no idea what the newbie thought of me and my selfish erratic behavior over the last couple of days.
“Have you spoken to her since this morning? She took off from the FBI headquarters and I don’t know where she went,” I admitted to the pretty, delicate doctor.
“Yes, she texted me. She told me to tell you not to worry about her. She just needs a little time alone.”
I could understand that. I too preferred to decompress alone after a job. But I did worry that Payton might just disappear after everything that had happened. She wasn’t a formal member of our team yet and even though I thought the world of her right now I didn’t have any sort of real connection with her. Before all of this happened, I had thought Payton would be kicked over to another team and had been okay with that idea. It was Payton’s connection with Oliver that had convinced her to come to Cuba to work with us. Would the connection with Oliver be enough for me to convince Payton to come back to our team after everything that happened over the last thirty-six hours?
I decided to focus on Grace right now. I might not even be returning to Whistler work right now. Not if my baby sister needed me here. “You are going to work with Grace?” I asked to get the conversation focused back on Grace.
“If that is what Grace wants, then yes. Her biggest hurdle is going to be coping with what happened to her as she returns to her everyday life. It sounds like until now she has a relatively happy and healthy life. While that is a good thing, it also means that she is not equipped with the skills she is going to need to overcome this.”
“Do you think she should return to her classes at Columbia? Or would it be better for her to take some time off? I could take some time off too if she needs.” I didn’t know much about coping mechanisms as I tended to just ignore and bury all of my feelings, but I could be Gracie’s support system.
“That will be up to Grace. But is good to know that she has your support in whatever she decides.” She paused to let me ask more questions but right now my head was too full to figure out what to ask her. Eventually Mia continued the conversation, “I was caught slightly off guard by Payton’s phone call this morning and I am afraid I have some things that I need to attend to. I talked to the nurse and she said that Grace will spend the night here again. I am going to get some things in order and then I will be back tomorrow morning for when Grace is released. Does that sound okay?” Mia’s speech was prim and proper and I thought it fit with her delicate nature.
“Yes of course,” I responded and when she smiled at me and started to turn, I decided I should let her know that Payton might need a friend right now. “I don’t know how well you know Payton but this morning she had to recount parts of her past in an FBI interrogation room.”
Mia stopped mid-turn and her face transformed into one of shock. The color from her rosy cheeks drained and I regretted the loss of color from her creamy skin. “Oh, that is… troubling,” Mia responded in her proper way. She then refocused her emerald eyes on me, “Thank you for letting me know. I should find out where she is and make sure she is okay.” I nodded in response and watched as she hurried down the hospital hallway.
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