Today was not the day.
Not for Charlotte, at least.
Today was the day of the enlistment, something she dreaded and wanted him to try to pull off for longer, but he couldn't- nor would he. It was his time, and today was the day.
His breathing was like a peaceful lullaby, she wish she could've listened to it more, but she knows she can't. He was awake, she knew, but he was only enjoying his last few moments with with her, hugging her tightly and mentally telling her it was going to be okay. "Charlotte..." He whispered her name. She bit her lip, not wanting to hear the news. Instead, she turned her face into the bed sheets as much as she could, acting as if she was asleep. He got up quietly, knowing she would only respond to his movement. "Seunghyun?" She rolled over, being exposed to his shirtless body.
His facial features was expressionless- cold, almost. She was dying to ask him if he was okay, but she knew he wasn't. He wanted to stay home, be with his brothers for at least just a little bit longer. "I'm going to the studio... I need to meet up with guys..." Seunghyun said, ruffling his hair, trying to comb it with his fingers lazily. She watched him as he observed himself in the mirror, his eyes empty and sad. He slipped on a loose black t-shirt, with some baggy pants. Do you really have too? the question raced across her mind. The band was his hyungs, like his blood-brothers, and if she interfered he'd only ignore her.
"When will you be back?" Charlotte questioned him as he grabbed his jacket. "Whenever." Seunghyun answered, zipping up his jacket. She wanted to burst into a pool of tears, just so he'd stay. She knew he was coming back, but, only for a moment. "I love you." Charlotte's voice sound hitched. "I love you, too." Seunghyun replied, picking up his car keys and making his way into the hallway, shutting the bedroom door silently. "Get some more sleep." He said behind the door, and she listened as his footsteps faded.
Charlotte felt an entire list of emotions- sadness, anger, hopelessness, emptiness... but she had faith. It was only for a year, he'll be back, safe and sound, the normal Seunghyun she knew and loved. And, maybe there was a benefit? He had a bad habit of drinking and smoking- maybe this would get his mind off of those negative traits, maybe he'd come back as a stronger person. Nevertheless, she knew her love would come back to her, he just had too. Not just for her, but for his hyungs.
She got up, her fingertips brushing against the bed frame. Hesitantly, she put her hand up against the stained glass window, it was raining all night, still was, actually. Her tears blended in with the rain's drips as Seunghyun's car backed out of their driveway. The car went into the dawn of the sunlight that shone down on the city of Seoul. She wanted to smash something- break the window- relieve the stress and pain within her fists- but she just backed away, falling onto the bed, screaming, crying into his pillow that still had the scent of his cologne.
"Why?" She cried out, ignoring the complaints she would receive from the neighbors that lived close by. Two years, too long, the sentence kept yelling back at her. They just couldn't wait any longer, no? That 'mandatory' law... taking away lives out of their own will just to fight another country, with no choice in the matter, bear in mind... Sniffling, Charlotte wiped her tears, she had to get over the fact that he was leaving. "I love you, Seunghyun..." she whispered aloud, standing up and walking towards the mirror, the one he lastly looked at.
Charlotte observed herself solely- her long, blonde hair, waiting to be brushed. Her bright blue eyes that stars once danced in, but now they were like Seunghyun's- empty, like an empty blue ocean. Sighing, she took a makeup wipe, cleaning off the black eyeliner that was stained on her cheeks. She must've forgotten to clean her face last night, where her and Seunghyun went out to the restaurant they had always went to on Friday nights. She opened a drawer, full of little notes and cards her and Seunghyun used to write to each other. Holding in the tears and laughter, she went through each and every single one- each one having a different date, a different meaning.
Closing the drawer, her heart was left in pain. Looking out the rainy window, Seunghyun still wasn't back yet. The city looked empty and cold today, usually Seoul was lively, warm and happy. Charlotte brought the curtains together, trudging towards the staircase. She held onto the railing, making her way down. She looked at all of the paintings Seunghyun had collected throughout the years- their house practically looked like a museum. An empty, desolate museum- filled with memories of Charlotte and Seunghyun's relationship. There were no sun-rays to shine down onto the hard-wood floors this morning, no birds to chirp outside the garden Seunghyun had grown out for years.
Charlotte sighed, shivering as her bare feet touched the cold kitchen's tiles. She went over to the coffee brewer, making her coffee just the way she liked it- black. She smiled at the little packets of sugar that Seunghyun always had to have in his coffee. They would always sit down together, talking about the little things in life, maybe even Seunghyun's work. She always caught him humming and singing out of know where. He's a child at heart, and she loved that. But her child was gone now. Temptingly, she checked her phone for any missed calls or text messages from him saying 'I'm on my way back', but there was nothing. The rain was hitting against the roof even harder now, like a waterfall.
Sighing, Charlotte knew she might as well take a shower to decrease the wait for Seunghyun. Drinking the last bit of her coffee, she made her way to the bathroom. She looked even harder in the mirror- she looked as if she was fading, just from the sadness. She felt awful, the love of her life was leaving her today. She got undressed, and stepped into the shower. Turning on the water, she just sat in the corner, hugging her knees, sobbing. Charlotte couldn't hold it in anymore, the pain had to be released. This was going to be her for now on, for two years straight.
Miserably, Charlotte got up and actually washed herself, and then turned off the water. She wrapped a towel around herself, walking up the stairs, making a noisy creaking sound each step of the way. She brushed her fingers against all of the albums, awards and trophies Seunghyun had gotten throughout the years of being with BigBang, and being an actor. She remembers every single concert that she went too, tiredly and happily supporting Seunghyun, all the while going through a little bit of jealousy with the fan-girls, but she knew what she was getting herself into when dating Choi Seunghyun himself.
Charlotte got dressed, and immediately her phone vibrated. Without hesitation, she checked her phone quickly, and smiled looking at the message from Seunghyun. Clicking on it, her smile went to a frown.
To: baby panda🐼
From: manchild💕
Hey, i need you to get the house ready. family is coming over, it's going to be a private reception. don't tell any of the hyungs.
"A reception..." Charlotte tried not tear up. Nodding to herself, she smoothed out her outfit, and went downstairs to make everything more lively. Of course, she was happy that Seunghyun was coming back, but it was the final time. Checking her phone, she received a notification from Instagram. Goodbye Seoul, read the caption on Seunghyun's post, not being able to take it, Charlotte cried again, ruining her makeup. She wiped her face, finding a mirror to put on her eyeliner again. "It's going to be okay." Charlotte told herself, hoping she was right.
Charlotte straightened the table cloth on the table, and laid out some foods. She heard a car pull into her driveway- not just any car, but Seunghyun's car. Joy overwhelmed Charlotte, but she was about to bring herself back into tears when she saw the other cars pull in as well, for the reception. She stood in silence and overwhelming emotions as she heard the doorknob turn, and Seunghyun walked through the door, his hair wet from the rain. She smiled as his mother walked in, and a few other guests. His mother was kind, and had a weak heart, Charlotte couldn't imagine how she could've taken the news.
"Charlotte." Seunghyun's mother smiled, taking Charlotte's hand and holding it for a while. "Annyeong." Charlotte greeted her with her weak Korean, but she grinned anyway. His mother looked at all of the paintings he owned, and then back to the floor quickly, moving over to take a seat. Seunghyun walked over to Charlotte, his face still cold and his eyes still empty. She noticed his haircut that he had gotten, and cried onto his shoulder as he embraced her. Charlotte held on even tighter, clenching his jacket. "It's not fair, Seunghyun..." She sobbed onto him, and he stroked Charlotte's hair, planting a few kisses on her forehead. "Baby panda... I'll be back, safe and sound... like you want." Seunghyun said reassuringly, but she couldn't smile. Not today. February 8th, 2017, marked as the worst day of Charlotte's life.
"But..." Seunghyun said, putting his finger up to Charlotte's lips which her tears had reached. "If anything does happen to me..." he started, wiping her tears. "Seunghyun, please..." Charlotte mumbled, shaking her head. She didn't want to hear the 'if's'. Seunghyun stared at her, biting his lips. "If anything does happen to me, just know that I want you to move on. Do not hold onto me, I want you to keep me in the past, I want you to find someone else and love them as much as you love me." Seunghyun said, and Charlotte has never cried so hard in her life. Seunghyun's mother was even tearing up. "I can't." She sniffled, pulling away from him. "Promise me." Seunghyun said, grabbing Charlotte's wrists. She felt as if she was being forced to just move on from her love.
Seunghyun's mother walked over, hugging her son tightly. Charlotte heard a car pull into the driveway, and furrowed her eyebrows in alert. "Who could that be?" Seunghyun said in an irritated tone. Hearing a few knocks on the door, Seunghyun opened the door. It was Jiyong, standing out in the rain, looking as if he was going to cry. "My brother..." Jiyong said, hugging Seunghyun tightly, who finally gave in, hugging him back. "I said no visitors from the hyungs..." Seunghyun mumbled, pulling away from Jiyong. He ignored him, pulling out a bottle of champagne. "Please, hyung, let us enjoy this final day." Jiyong held up the bottle, with the words To my hyung, I love you, fighting in Korean. Seunghyun sighed, taking the alcohol and pouring a few glasses. He handed one to Jiyong, Charlotte and then poured in a glass for himself. Seunghyun's mother could not handle alcohol.
"Are the other hyungs coming?" Seunghyun asked Jiyong who shook his head. "Just me." Jiyong replied, wiping his face as if he was crying before he got there. Jiyong took his phone, and took a picture of him and Seunghyun. "I'll miss you. Please, be safe. The hyungs and BigBang need you." Jiyong patted Seunghyun on the back, and Seunghyun looked as if he was about to cry. Seunghyun just nodded, hugging Jiyong who straightened his hat. "Goodbye, hyung." Jiyong's voice cracked as he waved goodbye, walking out the door, back into the rain. "Son..." Seunghyun's mother said, taking his hand. "Be safe, be healthy, and be happy." She said in support, and Seunghyun smiled, nodding.
Charlotte stared out the window, watching Jiyong's car back out onto the road. She checked Instagram, reading the post My brother, viewing the picture they had taken of Jiyong crying onto Seunghyun's shoulder. "Charlotte?" Seunghyun said, and Charlotte jumped as if she was in a trance. "Sorry, was just thinking..." She nervously smiled, turning around from the window. "This is our final night together." Seunghyun put his hands in his pockets, sighing and looking down at the floor. Please, don't remind me... Charlotte thought to herself. "You're leaving tomorrow?" Seunghyun's mother walked over quickly to him, and he nodded. She cried onto his arm, hugging him again.
"We can stay up all night and talk, Charlotte, if that's what you want." Seunghyun hugged Charlotte after his mother sat back down. "No, no... you need your rest." She shook her head in concern. I really do want you to stay up with me. "I'm serious, Charlotte, I will." Seunghyun looked deeply into Charlotte's teary eyes, kissing her. "Please do..." Charlotte whispered, her voice barely making a sound without effort. Seunghyun nodded, kissing her again, this time quickly. "Do you need to get going, mama?" He looked at his mother. "I do need to get home for my sleep... are you sure you're going to be fine?" His mother asked worriedly. Seunghyun nodded slowly, and she walked outside of the house. "Be safe on the roads, mama." Seunghyun called after her, and the guests in the house left.
Charlotte walked over to the small vanilla cake, with a police offer replica beside it, and all of the flowers the guests had placed for Seunghyun. "Thoughtful, huh?" Seunghyun came behind Charlotte, hugging her. "Yes..." She gave him a fake smile. Charlotte was the most pessimistic person, and her partner going into the military is not what she needs, she felt as if her heart was going to burst from all of the anxiety. Seunghyun blew out all of the candles that were once lit, removing the pumpkin spice scent. He took Charlotte's hand, and walked up the stairs to their room.
Seunghyun sat at his desk, while Charlotte sat on the bed. "What are you writing?" She asked him as he grabbed an ink pen and a piece of lined paper. He sat in silence, not answering Charlotte's question. She looked out the window again, it was still raining, all she could hear was Seunghyun's pen flowing words onto paper, and the pattering rain against the window and the roof of their home. Sighing, Charlotte fell back onto the bed slowly, listening to the rain as if it was her lullaby. "Don't go to sleep on me, baby panda." Seunghyun said in his husky voice, not removing his focus from the paper he was still writing on.
Charlotte lifted her head as the tension grew between them again. She wanted to look over his shoulder, seeing what he was writing, but Seunghyun was a secretive person, and might not like the idea that she was being sneaky, he had a bad temper. He grabbed a few more sheets of paper, obviously writing letters to separate people. He sipped on the wine he usually had beside his desk, he drinks it every night before bed. Seunghyun stood up, shuffling the letters together, and put them in separate envelopes, and labeled them. He handed them to Charlotte, and she read the writings across it; Charlotte, Kwon Jiyong, Dong Young-Bae, Kang Dae-sung, Lee Seunghyun, Mother, and Yang Hyun-suk.
"I want you to give these to each person their letters when I'm gone." Seunghyun said seriously, handing Charlotte the envelopes. She looked at the one he had given her, she must've looked tempted to open it, because Seunghyun took the envelope back, putting it in her drawer. "Only read this tomorrow." He said, and Charlotte tried not to cry. Seunghyun sighed, sitting on the bed, resting his back against the headboard. "I don't want you to do anything crazy while I'm gone, okay?" Seunghyun pulled Charlotte into his arms, holding her to his chest as much as he could. "What do you mean?" She asked innocently and quietly. "None of this." Seunghyun picked up a bottle of liquor, shaking it in the air and put it back down. Charlotte nodded, staring the bottle down.
"And none of these." Seunghyun waved a pack of cigarettes in Charlotte's face. "I don't want you to use them, either." Charlotte looked up at him, who stared back at her. "Maybe my time will help me." Seunghyun ran his fingers through Charlotte's hair, and she turned her head back to the vanity mirror, hoping it was true. She took out her phone, placing it in front of her and Seunghyun. "One last picture." Charlotte whispered, and Seunghyun held her closer as she captured the picture. She went to Instagram, posting it under the caption of Goodbye, my love. Seunghyun kissed Charlotte's forehead, and her tears streamed down to her cheeks.
"Focus on the happy things." Seunghyun took Charlotte's hand, holding it up to his face. "What's to be happy about?" Charlotte said coldly, still staring at the mirror. "I'm still here." Seunghyun said, trying his best to cheer her up. "Not for long." Charlotte's voice sounded hitched again. "Charlotte." Seunghyun said her name sternly, and she looked back at him. "I love you. Please stop thinking of he worst." He said, putting his arms around her again. "When do you have to leave tomorrow?" Charlotte asked. "6:00 A.M." Seunghyun replied, reading the clock that read 1:30 P.M. Thankfully, they still had a long way to go.
"Do you want to go anywhere?" Seunghyun asked Charlotte. "The park?" She suggested with a high tone.
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