I saw you, silently standing in the corner. Gazing around at the unknown kids, you felt alone. Separated from the world around you. I wanted to cry then, I wanted to undue what I just did. But it was to late. You weren't mine anymore, you never were. Just at birth you were taken from me, into the hands of the unknown.
I'm so sorry my sweet little girl, i'm sorry for the things i have put you through. But ever since day one, I knew I couldn't keep you. How was I suppose to take care of you, where was I to keep you. Your father wasn't there when I had you, he wasn't even there when I found out I was going to have you.
He wasn't even married to me. Just for money, drugs and pleasure. I met up with him that day, and lost him that night. The pain I felt that day was nothing compared to the pain I felt with you. Nothing could put it aside, no drugs, love or alcohol did it. Not even the love I had for you could vanish the pain from my heart. Or from whatever left of a heart I had.
There was hardly anything left after I pledge to give you up. I didn't even know the papers I was signing until it was to late. Oh baby please forgive me. My life as a child was no ordinary tale I could tell you in less then an minute. At the age of five, my parents separated from each other. At the time my mother had six kids, and that wasn't including me.
My parents were young, and they weren't even over the age of thirty. My siblings were at least 3-10 yrs old, but it not like they could have seen their times as older people anyways. After my father left my mother, she broke down into a raging fit. Not even knowing what she could possibly do, she took the lives of my three younger siblings.
I wasn't there when she did it, I wasn't at home. My auntie took me and my older 2 siblings away for my mother had to many things to take care of. She was arrested shortly after we found out about the horrible news and I could never forget the hatred my aunt had developed to her that day.
She yelled and cursed at my mother until she got alll the words she had out of her system. The last words she said to my mom that day wasn't pleasent. And sooner then later we got a call one evening from the county jail.
She had comited suicide.
Noone knows how she did it, or what she use to do it with, but that was the end of her. My father then gain custody of us. But that was a bad decision on the court to make.
My father was abusive, and without my mom to cool him down, life only got worst for the four of us left. So worst that two of my sisters committed their own suicide, leaving me and my oldest sister left.
The torture only got worst for his needs of pleasure grew. For eight years we suffered from emotional and physical pain, but through those eight years, i learned a lesson.
You see, it wasn't my fault, I didn't ask for this life. But I guess you'll just have to live through this, and forget all about me. I love you sweet, and I will always love you.
ns 15.158.61.17da2
