I hate you. I hate how you look at me as we cross paths in the halls and the way we make eye contact. I hate the way you look at her the way that you used to look at me. I hate how you could move on so fast as if that first kiss meant nothing to you. I hate how I would still go back if you asked me right now.
I hate you because you made me look stupid in front of my counselor. I hate you because you’ve been making me cry over a person for months whom I know isn’t coming back. I hate you because you never told me there was another woman. I hate you because you lead me on and made me attached. I hate you because you broke my heart.
I hate that you didn’t call or text me. I hate that you made me crazy and went off on you. I hate that you expected me to forgive you after everything. I hate that you succeeded in that. I hate that you went after my best friend after we were over. I hate that I would still forgive you even now.
I hate how I still smile every time I catch a glimpse of you. I hate how others girls look at you the way I used to look at you. I hate how much you made me love you. I hate how it’s hard to get over you. I hate how you still talk about me as if you still had a silly little crush on me even though you’re the one that ended things. But I hate how this time it’s actually over.
I hate you for making me cry until I passed out. I hate you for making me breakdown in front of my mom. I hate you for forgetting the promise we made to each other. I hate you for acting like you didn’t care after it was over. But most importantly, I hate you for the fact that I still don’t hate you even after all you made me go through.
I hate the fact that I don’t hate you, not even a little bit, not even at all. I hate the fact that I don’t actually hate you. I hate the fact that we were each other’s first loves. I hate the fact that I miss you so much and how I would give you as many chances as you wanted if you still wanna come back. I hate the fact that you were everything to me.
I hate you, but not actually. I love you, I really do. I just hate the pain that are the consequences for giving you all my heart and my firsts. I just hate that I love you, that it had to be you, and how much I wish we never met.
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Love, G.O.
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