What am I saying ?155Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJSBxkqQzE
This is bad, really bad. Like, really, really bad.
I can't even put it into words how bad, like really bad, it has become.
It all started when I was dished more responsibilities than I could not handle in this lifetime or even chow down. Everything was already too much for me at the beginning.
I guess I should have spoken up when having much more time would have helped. But now it just seems too late. I'm barely hanging on.
Yeah, it's my fault. It's always my fault, as usual. I never fess up on anything, even when it means being dragged down to the ocean floor by the weight of a feather.
If only I had spoken up or said something, everything could have been fixed. But now, everything is out of my control, and I'm not even close to figuring out anything.
I keep telling myself that there's still time—of course, poor choice of words—but what else can I tell myself ? It's not like anyone is going to march in here and say, Leave everything to us... We've got this.
I lie here on the ocean floor. I can feel the pressure building up around me. If the weight of water crushing on my chest won't finish me, well, then.. probably the sharks will...
Whatevs...
I suppose it might all sound like metaphors, but it's far from reality...
It turns out, since I feel things at a molecular level... I've been experiencing everything everywhere, all at once...
One of those other days, I actually thought I was going to kick the bucket for sure. My heart had been aching with sharp and dull prickly pain per pulse. My stomach had been aching... And I was so nauseous.
Minus the inappetence, because it might be the cause... My chest felt like someone was literally sitting on it, that even accomplishing one deep breath seemed tedious.
(It just so happened that I got asked, How are you ? And I said, I don't know how to answer that, but in short, I'll be fine. I kind of might have peaked that person's interest because they went on to ask me to explain. After explaining more or less, the reaction I got was like, Dude, you are not okay.. but then that is as far as the conversation got..) (._. )
I feel like sleeping is a waste of time these days, because it feels like I could be covering more ground or whatever, but of course...
No sleep, nor even the sickness (Probably because I constantly keep telling myself that ignorance is bliss.. I can't be a wuss or a wimp to anyone in that regard, after all. Probably that is why my perception of humanity is so warped. Of course, nothing is wrong with anyone. I'm simply the conundrum that shouldn't have existed in the first place anyway. (-_-) ), are the problems.
The problem is that I’m experiencing apathy, indifference, lethargy, ennui, and listlessness all at the same time.
Like I said, this is bad, like messed up on a whole new other level, because obviously it's not the time. This is not happening...
Where would I have gotten it from ? I'm immortal when it comes to multi-tasking. It's impossible. How ? What ? It's totally not a burnout. No! No?! Noo,I think ? Maybe?! I'm probably jumping to inconclusive conclusions... This is not the time. Not the time.
As I sit here, watching the light that shines down to the ocean floor dissipate, I can't help but feel a sense of torpidness and melancholy over not being able to do anything about anything. The light is becoming increasingly dimmer and dimmer, and I fear that soon it will be gone altogether.
I know that I need to do something, but I'm me... There's that, so... yeah...(sigh). I feel like I'm already past the point of recovery. The darkness is closing in around me, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
As the darkness engulfs me, I can't help but wonder what I could have done a tad differently. Maybe if I had been more proactive and enthusiastic about anything, things would have probably turned out differently.
If only... if... yeah... only if...
If only I could cry about it, I would give it a go., because maybe that would somehow help... somehow... I think ?.. Idk..
If only I could scream about it, just once, that would be great... Just to get the ball rolling...
If only I could give anyone a go, but... I guess me asking would just sound like I'm asking for too much... So, I suppose that's a no-go...
If only... will still remain as is...
Yae me or Nay me I don't know anymore.
I suppose that even when you stop moving, the world keeps turning and moving forward.
(Sigh..)
What else can I say ?155Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡad9SsBPxhb
