My steps had slowed long ago, the monsters had given up chasing me and now they settled into the gloom awaiting the right moment to attack. I stare at the sidewalk, looking at the colourful designs drawn by the neighbourhood kids. There is a flower blooming in wonderful pinks and purples. A beautiful bird soaring over the horizon.
I step on the bird, knowing very well that the bird was now more like me, trampled by those nearby. We were very much the same. I was stuck here with this school and those kids, unable to change anything. He, the bird, was stuck in a picture only to be washed away by the rain. Both of us were frozen in a world that was unkind to us.
I continue on, paying no heed to the other houses, watching, searching, for my safe haven. When the plain, white house pops into view I almost fall over. My mind is overwhelmed with sadness, only related to the mistakes that I had made.
I walk up the driveway, taking notice of the absence of the car. I vaguely remember Mom telling me that her and Dad wouldn't be home until late, just as I vaguely remember going to that party......
My mind reels at the thought......no....not in my safe haven.....these thoughts aren't allowed. I step onto the porch pushing away the pain and the memories. I don't want to remember my once upon a time friends as I enter my house. I shouldn't have to contemplate on this all day long.
I know that later, someone, my teacher or perhaps even the principal, will phone and inform my mother of my tardiness. My mom will look at me, a quizzical look upon her face, and nod while apologizing for my behaviour. After that she will question me and I will be forced to say the only excuse that will ever come to mind : I wasn't feeling well.
This wasn't truly lying, only not the full truth. I did indeed feel sick. My stomach hurt and my body ached and the dull pain in my head that had disappeared earlier had come back. Mom would nod, offer me Tylenol and demand that next time, I inform a professor of my sickness. I know that I will nod before telling her that I don't feel well and that I am going to rest.
I know for a fact that tonight I will not sleep, my mind will be restlessly pained with the idea of facing tomorrow. Even though I try pushing them away before I get in my house, they always find a way to sneak back, they are a parasite that is bringing me down. I know that tomorrow I will stare at the clock, until finally its time to get up. I will shower, apply the thick makeup to cover the bags under my eyes, throw on my uniform and go.
This has become my life since the day I left my house to go to that party. Its okay, I guess, if you ignore the complete isolation and late nights crying.....but I must find the good in it. I am happy because I no longer have to morph who I am to fit in. I can wear what I want and watch Lord of The Rings all weekend with nothing to lose.
They may judge, they may call names, but they can't change who I am. There is good in all, but there is also faults. I know that my friends all have faults. Bad notes, and selfish acts, I know that they hide behind this intimidating act only to look better.
They are no better than the me, the class clown. They believe themselves to be invincible, to be powerful, but they are not, they thrive on my weakness, and I know that one day I will be better.
I make my way to my room, tugging off the school uniform only to replace it with sweats and a bunny hug. I stagger to me bed before gracefully falling face first into the pile of blankets.
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A loud noise awakes me from my thoughts. I wish sleep had found me just now. I wish my thoughts hadn't been plagued with the thought of today, but it has.
I trudge my way down the stairs looking at my phone.
6:43
I scramble to remember when mom had told me she'd be back, I thought she had said 6, but I guess I was wrong. I look at the door, at where the noise had come from, a pounding noise, perhaps someone knocking?
I go to open the door only to push a small package off my porch. Walking out I go to pick it up. The moment it touches my fingers I feel the dread shoot through my hands.
On the packaging is a brightly coloured face. A face painted as a clown. Below is separate makeup compartments with multicoloured face paint. It is one thing for the thoughts to attack me at home, but now the thoughts are not alone. I stare at the halloween packaging for a long time. I am not safe, in my safe haven. I am no longer okay here.
But what can I do?
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Okay so here is Chapter #2....I know, I haven't posted in a long time...and I know as a fact that I probably won't again because of finals coming up...........but I'll try...
So what did you guys think? Good?? Bad?? Okay?? Please tell me, you guys can PM me or just comment below, I would LOVE your feedback!!
Thanks for reading I hope you guys enjoyed!
- Hazel
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