[Darkness.]
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[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNtpU2w1cA
Pause. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BlY0RM2Ss
ROXIE:175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLojED6cMri
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9XVTXPle1
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBl6zDt1NP
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But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSb8ULnFf5y
Pause. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sIRTo8mLO
That's true enough I suppose. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqmmrmtRb5
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkK8EdcSUWa
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyftlUoWxwO
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But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoOiS00ZCA
Pause. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOT4cTpptPg
But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkhnlOc1Cw
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But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU57rjBOPCG
Pause.175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyT8gsXgvCV
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BBjMVFfWm
Pause. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZmchP0Mzt
Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ql6dWsSRr
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkryKqsDp5n
Pause. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlgsYHyphF
But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeOBBD1dRG
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3goyIRW85
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I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8V8n2FOpm
Pause.175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZi5rhpNUL
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFcusY6LU5
Pause. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwA9Rg1oO2
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm34exwDuu9
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEX9bblJvM
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhWhjyDsWW
Pause. 175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSDTWfZcLc
[Darkness.]175Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HkQhwhuZy
