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All of us are jealous of someone or something. Be it a celebrity, the next-door neighbour or your classmate, there is someone we envy. The grass always looks greener on the other side.
And I don’t blame you for it. Jealousy and envy are human emotions; everybody has felt them at one point. And whether it’s right or wrong depends on how you choose to act upon its influence.
Let me give you an example: Last year, I had a smart, popular classmate who also appeared to be confident. We would use the same transport to get to school and come back home, so I had plenty of time to talk to her. But I wouldn’t.
Because I felt insecure and competitive around her.
As mentioned earlier, she was very popular, and I could see why. Her body language, communication skills and her spontaneous jokes made her fun to be around with. And those were the things I wish I had. So the most sensible thing to do was to hang around with her, and probably adapt some of her habits and at least be a step closer to being my dream self.
But that’s not what happened, and why did it not happen?
Every time she would try to talk to me, I would find fault with whatever she said and complain to my friends and say how she would not be a good friend to me to satiate my jealousy. But in the end, that did nothing but pull me even deeper into a quicksand of hatred.
And so I started thinking, “Why do I not feel better even after impeccably finding her drawbacks and gossiping about it with others?”
It was because I failed to address the main issue. All those days, I had thought that she was the problem but in fact, it was me. It was my jealousy that blinded me into thinking that if I were to take away what I thought she had in addition to what I had by gossiping about it with other people, then that would make us equal when in reality, all it did was ruin friendship.
By gossiping about her to others, I was draining my energy instead of focusing on myself and fixing my drawbacks. I also found myself being so competitive around her. If she said she had accomplished something I would go on and tell her about what I didas if it was better.
I soon began to catch up that it was her extroverted personality that I wanted, and that I was jealous that she had what I didn’t. But though I knew it, I still kept feeling a bit inferior and jealous and eventually stopped talking to her.
Looking back, that was one friendship that I lost.
Now, what do you do after you realize that you’re jealous of someone? In my case, I was able to identify that I was jealous and could even point out which trait of hers that I would wish to have. But even then, I wasn’t able to go back and see her as just another classmate who I wanted to be friends with. I just completely shut her off.
There are some things that I wish I would do if I ever meet someone like her again in the future, and let me share those with you.
But before that, I’ll tell you about another one of my experiences.
I transferred schools and there was this girl who would constantly ask me for tips on how to study better. (FYI I was one of the top 5 in the class.) Sometimes she asked me to explain a question and I would be like, “This is easy. Why would you even ask me this?” After some time she was quite tired of it and, would not ask me to explain anything. But whenever I confronted her about this, and asked, “Am I being rude by saying this to you?” or “Should I try explaining the question better?” She would just brush it off and say it was not a problem.
But I knew it was because I could see my past self in her. The self that shuts out the people she wants to be like because her jealousy surpasses her admiration for them.
So one lunch break, I asked her something along the lines, “Do you feel half-jealous and half-admiration for me because of my academic performance?”
And though surprised, she said yes, and elaborated on how she felt. That was one of the first big conversations we had and I think that had a huge impact on our friendship (She’s one of my best friends now). If we hadn't opened up about our feelings and emotions towards each other, I don’t think our friendship would have progressed.
So if you have the chance to talk to the person who you half-admire and half-envy, then do it and probably say something like, “You are very good at this, what did you do to achieve it?” And try to implement whatever they say.
And understand that jealousy doesn’t mean bad. It can serve as a motivation. When you see someone and they have something that you want for yourself, say to yourself, “That person is so good at it, they probably worked hard, I should also work hard.”
Most of the time, these people in your life also have something about you that they’re jealous of. And again, it’s not wrong. Just make sure that you don’t act rashly or rudely towards them because when you feel jealous, it’s your soul telling you, “This is one of your traits, get better at it.”
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Akshe <3
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