Hello Moon,
Let me tell you about girl love. Because she’s… complicated and yet, oddly straight forward.
When a girl is in love with you her eyes will linger a moment longer. As though they were describing you in her head. She will want you to linger on her. Not just with your eyes. But with your memory and actions. She will want you to notice things just about her. Her habits. Her interests. Her dislikes. She will want you to say the whimsical things that are already inside your head.
Things like,
“I like the way your eyes light up when you eat a mars bar,” or, “oh, you’re on the second book of that series? What character is your favorite? I like…”
Remember the things she tells you. “Oh, that’s right. You have tennis after this! Good luck!”
The creepy test here my brothers, is this. If an old man said the same thing to them, would it sound creepy? Do not say, “I love how you smell,” or, “I noticed you went here and here and there.” Creepy. You’ve gotta be dating for the creepy-romantic zone to balance out.
Say things that are more like gentle sunlight on their face, rather than the eye of Sauron.
Now. Flirting. This is the next stage.
Pick-up lines only work if you are not awkward. Or if you are, lean into it. Generally, they’re hard and clunky and frankly, hard pull off.
Instead, I suggest you follow the tried and true: in-joke. It highlights a real connection and can help smooth over any bumps. Make a light joke about something you share. A workplace customer, a teacher at school, a fandom you share. Light, breezy, chill. If she adds to the joke, you’re in. In a past relationship we used to banter about Batman VS superman.
I know some of you burn with the passion of a thousand suns. You’re a writer. I get it.
But let’s not burn her with your intensity.
If she accepts your in-joke, match her vibe. Watch her body language. Is she comfortable with you? Does she genuinely smile at you when she sees you? Does she seek you out outside your usual hours? If you’ve lightly complimented a shirt she’s worn, has she mentioned it to you, or worn it more?
Treat her as an interesting person and she will quickly be one. Because she is interesting. You wouldn’t be crushing on her if she wasn’t.
Now.
Consent. This is important, lads. Her yes and nos’ are allowed to change. She can say yes and change her mind. She can say no and decide she’ll try it. Don’t pressure or shame her, support her choices.
Be a safe place. Not a nice guy. Nice guys are people pleasers in toxic skins. Their intentions are not true. They treat relationships as transactional. Women as NPCs you just have to interact with enough to get their “relationship bar” filled.
No.
Women are people. People with souls and experiences and needs.
Listen to her. Compliment her. Help her.
Asking out on a date.
Okay. Listen. If you’re unsure if she’s into you, ask her out on a quick date. Go for a walk in a park and get an icecream/treat. Go out for coffee at a girly coffee shop. Think daylight hours. Make sure she knows it’s a date. Use the word, “date”. “Casual date,” if you’re scared. Communicate. Girls like plans. Girls like effort. Girls have been conditioned to wait for the guy to ask. It’s rough. And obviously there are outliers.
As the old Dutch saying goes, “there is always no.” Be brave.
Heck, take her to the zoo. That’s interesting and might save you staring at her in awkward silence in a crowded coffee shop. Dates are allowed to be fun.
Night dates can be more romantic. Beach walks, eating out, movies and dinner. Google it. Have a loose plan in your head. Book the restaurant. Action. Show her you are capable of being her partner rather than another interesting child she can spend time with. Have conversation starters in your head. Be on time. For the love of creation shower. Girls put in effort just to turn up to school. You can shower.
If you think you could have the capacity for a girlfriend, then you need to have capacity for selfcare.
I believe in you. She might shoot you down. That happens. But it is better to practice for the right girl. Then cry over all the shots you didn’t take.
Confidence and self-awareness are what maketh the man. God’s speed.
Blue,
ns18.119.165.116da2
