They say it's bulimia. They don't say it to me, of course not. Nope, they say it to my mum and dad, in hush-hush whispers from 3 feet away, like I'm deaf as well as "mentally sick." and "in need of therapy and rehabilitation." Their words, not mine.
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They say I have an unhealthy body image, which is what's made me throw up every meal I've eaten for the past 3 months. They believe that bulimia is the cause for my anorexia, for the fact that my ribs show and it's why people turn away when they look at me, horrified. Disgusted.
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But is it my "mental sickness" that disgusts people? Or is it just that I'm ugly and gross? That whether I'm 60 kg. or 32 kg. in weight, I still look like a freak?
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I think people hate me because of my face. And the scars on my arms. And the acne on my face.
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I wish I could change, just turn into someone else overnight and be able to walk away from threats of rehab and mental facilities that are "designed to treat you, dear."
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My parents are so naive. They think these annoying, overeager people in those stupid white coats will help me? They just want to commit me, so they can keep extracting money from my parents and get rich. That's how it goes, isn't it? They tell people that they're crazy, so that they can rob them blind. No wonder psychiatrists are so expensive.
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I don't think I want to subject my parents to that. I mean, eventually they'll go bankrupt or something.
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Maybe I should just go. Run away, so that they're not stuck with this burden they never expected.
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Go far, far away, where no one's going to force me to eat.
ns 15.158.61.51da2
