“I still love you, I really do,”
I said to her. She only smiled back but managed to utter her part,
“, Thank you, I love you too.”
Those words gave me hope. But I knew something was going to happen. I never wanted it to happen. But it did, and I wasn’t ready for it. I tried my best to convince her that I know what was going on. That I know that I was wrong. That I will change. All for her. But I never knew that I was so wrong.
She left me there. The weather wasn’t cold, it was never cold in this part of the earth. But I still felt frozen. I froze there, until I fought myself and stopped her. I held her hand, gripped it.
“Please, not like this, I still want to be with you,”
She smiled again, like she always do.
“I’m sorry, but I honestly don’t know how to feel about you anymore.”
I felt my heart sunk. It sunk lower than anything I ever knew. It was as if my heart was sucked into a black hole and I lost it forever. Though I probably did. It was never my intention to do what I did. I knew I was a defect but I never showed it to anyone. Not even her, and she soon found out.
“I have to go now, I’m sorry,” she said, pushing my hand back softly.
Again, I stood there frozen. I didn’t want to move. I couldn’t. My feet wobbled but I refused to fall. But it felt like falling down and never getting back up again would best describe my emotions then. Not long after she walked away she turned to see me. Then she walked closer. My aching chest started to beat furiously. It felt like how an engine would feel running on 5000rpm. I looked down, scared on what was going to happen.
She held me close to her. Her warmth was all that I wanted. My heart sank deeper into the abyss. I didn’t know when it started but my face was wet with tears. I broke down on her and held her as tight as I could. I wept there like a child would to his mother. I pushed my face onto her shoulders, wetting her shirt. I screamed things that I never thought I would. I felt disgusted by myself, but she still held me tightly, comforting me. But it didn’t last forever, it would stop eventually, and it did.
I looked up at her, and there she smiled again. Oh how addicting that smile was. The joy it would bring to my life. The color it would spring forth. But it all went away. All I could see was black and white after she said her words.
“Good bye.”
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