I’m always awkward. The type that will say something weird in a conversation but not notice it’s weird until I receive that look, sort of awkward. The look that gives everyone pause and that makes me feel like an alien from a far away planet longing for their homeland. Most instances I brush it off. I’m different, being different it ok. But, this man upgrades my awkwardness instantaneously. It’s like I just spent the last 12 hours playing my favorite video game and leveled up 10 levels in one day. Expect this happens in an instant, every gamers fantasy. All the raw power from the level up turns my brain to mush. Sometimes I can’t form words and I wear a bright tomato face. Worst part is he knows that I’m awkward.
Thing is I can’t avoid him. I am not sure if I would even want to. But, the uncomfortable situations are unavoidable. He volunteers at the library that I work at and he frequent occupies one of the study rooms. He’s a medical student. A very tall, good looking medical student. Not in the overly hot, out of reach good looking. The kind that is cute enough to make you pause and look.
The whole thing started with a simple “hello”. Innocent enough. He would walk past my desk in the mornings and say good morning. I would be caught off guard because I was lost in my own imagination. Or have zombie mind that sluggishly pulls me along in the mornings. Either way, I wouldn’t expect him be walking towards me and bam! There he is with his backpack and dark beard. Not sure why the backpack always seems odd on his large back, but the image often makes me smile.
Back on track, he said hello. As you can imagine, I of course couldn’t say it back. I open my mouth and my panicked mind freezes. Nothing comes out. My face turns instant ruby red and he continues on his way with a confused look. I was hoping that would be the end of it but, that flew out the window.
“What are you thinking about?” chimed a voice. I blinked a few times at my computer screen as it came back into focus. “Hey, you ok?” Angie said in concern when I don’t respond right away.
“Uh, yeah. Just spacing out again,” I said with a weak smile.
“Girl, what do you think about in that mind of yours?” she says with a laugh. I try to fight off the blush. Do not tell her you were just day dreaming about him again. Do not tell her.
“Stuff…” I said awkwardly with a shrug. I avoid her gaze as she stares at me about to press me for more information. Angie placed her folded arms on the counter top above my desk.
“Slow afternoon?” she said looking down at my schedule.
“Yup, no requests to bring up from the achieves. It will be a slow night, at least I can get some of this paperwork done,” I said. Angie’s attention turns down the hall and a bright smile erupts on her face.
“Guess who?” Groaning I don’t have to guess. Just say goodbye. Just say it. When he says it first, just respond with goodbye. Easy. You got this Emily.
His tall form walks into view and he smiles at me when he looks up from his phone. My face is already well on its way to tomato red again.
“Have a good night Brax!” Angie says brightly. She casts me a knowing glance.
He keeps his dark eyes on me and says, “Bye.”
My mind freezes and I just hold up my hand waving goodbye quickly then drop it in a swift motion. His deep chuckle echoes down the hall as he continues to walk by. Once he is around the corner I groan leaning forward almost slamming my head against my desk.
“That was horrible,” I mumble.
“Painful,” Angie says. “Odd, he never laughs at anyone else.”
“He doesn’t?” I said lifting my head. I frown scrunching my forehead.
“And going this way through the building is out of his way,” Angie says facing me again. “I think he purposely comes down this hall to say goodbye to you.” Horrified I shake my head.
“No.”
“No really, he never says goodbye to any of the rest of us,” Amanda says swiveling her office chair around the back corner. “Pretty sure he enjoys your reactions,” she said with a wink before disappearing around the corner again.
I lay my head back down on my desk and hide my face with my arms. “This is not happening…” I say.
“Why don’t you try saying something first next time?” Angie gave me an encouraging smile. “At least then you won’t panic if he deviates from what you’re expecting him to say?” She knows me too well.
“I’ve tried. He always beats me to the punch and he always pops up when I am off in my own little world.”
“Maybe you should join the rest of us humans and focus?” Angie laughed.
“My world is much better then here. It’s filled with rainbows. And unicorns that poop out butterflies,” I said.
Angie pauses and thinks. “Is that from a movie?”
“Horton Hears a Who,” I said brightening up. “You are doing well!”
Angie groaned. “Your nerdiness has infected me!” She walked away laughing. Waving over her shoulder she said, “Have a good night Em!”
“Night Angie,” I said shaking my head smiling.
Humming to myself I grab a handful of books to place them back on the shelves. Being in the large library late at night use to creep me out. Zombies and stuff. But, I’ve gotten use to the old building. And it helps having a zombie escape plan too. I have a bat hidden at my desk for my escape. It’s always best to have an escape route set in place for any building you’re in. Just in case the zombie apocalypse happens. Or Yellow Stone blows. You know, either disaster is good to plan for.
A door opening catches my attention and I peer around the corner. When I notice someone walking towards my section I open my mouth to say hello until I make contact with a pair of dark orbs. It’s him. What in the world is he doing back in here? I quickly cast my gaze downward and instantly blush. Why is he in work out cloths?
Mouth a gap I quickly hide around the corner and pretend to be placing a book away. No need to make sure if it’s right. Just do not look at him.
“Um, Emily?” a deep voice comes from behind me.
“Uh?” I say turning around. Already my brain is in shock.
“I left an important book behind and didn’t realize it until I was already out on a run. Any chance you didn’t put it back yet? It’s already checked out to me…”
Even though I could hear his words, I couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. Was he speaking English? Surely it wasn’t Japanese. Do not think in Japanese Emily. Now is not the time to switch languages like a weirdo. English. English. English.
“Um…m-maybe?” I say glancing down at the four books in my hand. I notice one on molecular composition and slowly hand it out to him without saying anything. I can tell he is holding back a laugh. My hand is shaking and I am praying not to drop the book.
“It’s actually on Norse mythology?” he said with a small laugh. I blink a few times confused. What?
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say embarrassed. I quickly go back to where I placed that book and scrambled back to him. “Is this the one?” I say softly.
He laughs again as he reached out for the book. “Yup, that’s the one. Thanks Em!” he says brightly as he walks away. “Have a good night!” He calls over his shoulder.
I’m unable to say anything, too embarrassed to open my mouth. I need serious help. Need a green mushroom and my Yoshi is gone sort of help.
ns 15.158.61.5da2
