It's been a while since I've written anything. I find it hard these days. I don't know why. I'm finding it really hard to accept what happened, after everything I've been through in the last year and a bit I still can't accept what happened. I can't call it what it is, I can't say it at all. The words won't come out of my mouth. Why can't I just say it...' i was raped'..' i was raped'..' i was raped'..no I can't say it, I can barely write it. It still all feels like a movie in my head. My mind can't seem to connect to the fact that this actually happened to me. It's not a movie, it's not a bad dream it's reality. I find myself keeping away from anything that reminds me of it like Twitter and this blog and pandys.org and friends I have met online who have supported me because it reminds me. It makes me face the reality of what happened and I'm afraid to face it. It was so much easier when I blamed myself.606Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARB31FeRfZ
606Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqk3mR2Wqn
Why can't I just accept that he raped me, that he knew I didn't want it and he did it anyway? Of course, he knew it's not like I didn't fight, so it's rape then..just say it..' i was raped'. Nope still can't.606Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubGfv5Rl0N
606Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35Ybv8oNfv
Does it ever get any easier?! I want to lie down and sleep and not wake up. I'm so tired of it all.
Penana
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