The first time, I dismissed the knock as one of the other patients playing around, but the second knock was more forceful.
“Come in!” I called, switching off the TV and cutting the woman’s monotone explanation of the mayors latest action towards protests.
Dave was the first to enter, his hair still sporting as much product as it usually did, and the small glasses just as close to falling off his nose as they always have. He and his wife, Rebecca, who walked in next, were as well dressed as usual. Slacks, button down with a jacket. Dress, heels, makeup. Her auburn hair was brushed and curled, making me self-conscious of my own, dirty, matted locks.
Gary came in last, closing the door and thrusting his hands into his jean pockets, trying to look everywhere but at me.
I sighed and closed my eyes. “You told him.”
Dave took a deep breath. “Yes. We did.”
I blinked and tilted my head to the ceiling, trying to stop any tears from falling.
“Why.” I choked out.
“Well you see-“ Rebecca began in that calm, emotionless voice I had always hated her for having.
“Why?” Gary gave a humorless laugh as he said it, nearly choking on his own words as he kept repeating it louder. “WHY? Because it’s my goddamn right!” He’s staring right at me now, holding my gaze. It actually terrifies me how unlike him this is. “You think I shouldn’t know the the girl I’ve been throwing my life away for, is the same one I threw my life away for five years ago! The one I can’t remember because-oh yeah!- I lost my memory while throwing my life away for her!”
He’s only a foot away from where I am perched on the bed.
This time, his voice is barely above a whisper, “the thing is, I’m remembering. I’m remembering … Cleo.”
I gasped, and the tears started falling. I could see his eyes had teared up too, but he was still hanging on to those last pieces of self control i had completely lost.
It was like once the first tear fell, they all came flooding out.
I remember seeing out of the corner of my eye, Dave and Rebecca exchange a look, then walk out the door, but I was crying to much to see straight. My mind was barely even aware of the hand Gary was running up and down my arm.
“I’m sorry, sorry, sorry, I’m sorry!” Those seemed like the only words I was capable of saying so I just kept repeating them over and over, even though I knew they would never be enough. Not after what I had done him.
I launched myself at him, and suddenly we were clinging to each other, shaking.
“I’m so, so, sorry.” I whispered into his shoulder.
“Hey.” Gary’s voice was rough as he spoke into my hair. “Its gonna be okay.” His hand was rubbing circles on my back. And I hated it. I hated that after all this time, after everything I had done to him, he was the one making it better. I hated that I couldn’t do that.
I shoved his chest and he tripped onto the bed.
“It won’t be okay don’t you see? I can’t fix anything! All I do is ruin it! I don’t deserve you, or your family, or-or any other good person in my life!” I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore, the words are just falling into place in my mind and I’m saying them.
I just need him to understand this one thing, and he doesn’t! No one does!
“Don’t you get it?” The tears had slowed to a trickle, and I sat down next to him on the bed.
“It should have been me. I should have died, not Mason, I should have been in a coma and lost my memory, not you.”
He was silent for a few seconds, the let out a dry chuckle.
I looked up at him, confused, “what?”
“Is that really what you think?”
I just stared at him.
“You think your not worth every single person’s sacrifice?”
My brows drew together. “Well why would I be?”
He let out a sigh. “Because ultimately, everything led up to you destroying the crimson gang, which was pretty much what we all wanted.”
“But I had help.”
“Well of course you had help.” He rolled his eyes.
“And I had you.” I smiled slightly when the joke caught on.
“Haha, very funny. Just FYI, without my help, you would still be locked in that room.”
“Well, that is true.”
“My point is,” he paused, either to collect his thoughts or just for drama. “Every single bad thing that has happened along the way, is all eventually part of a good thing.”
I looked down at where his hand was resting on the hospital bed, and tried slipping mine inside it. I was rewarded with a smile, enough to let me ask,
“Like us?”
He turned and looked at me, really look at me. Not my tear stained cheeks and red nose, but my eyes. He was staring into my eyes, like he could see right through me. Then he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. Feather light, and over before it started, but it still gave me this warm little glow.
“Yes.” He smiled again and gave my hand a squeeze.
“Like us.”
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