Things used to be enjoyable when they are your interests, but when they become your assignments, with definite deadlines and requirements, and a hostile grading system with marking scheme to determine whether you suit their standard or not, it's not interesting anymore. It is just torture.
After handing the last assignment late and got marks deducted from that, I want to make sure I won't do the same next time. I want to be the best students at university, but I soon realize that there is no best student - you define who is the best. You will meet people with average grades, but they do amazing things like starting their own fashion brand, be a Youtuber, or simply has exceptional cooking skills that everyone loves to visit their home.
I know there are much more than academics, or prestige careers that the top students here has always dreamt of, actively pursuit, and proud of when they finally got an offer from the big companies. But life is short, and sometimes you can't resist - you can't resist people who ask you to play games with them every day, and it is even harder to resist people who tells you that working at certain companies, certain industries, make you successful, cool, rich, and anything more than that.
Sometimes you just don't know.
I used to be really interested in science, but after being rejected by my dream school and looking at how impressive other applicants are, their advanced research done in high school that seems out of reach in the scope of my knowledge, the books that they had read, I know I am just far behind, and will never catch up. I know I have had enough. I know what I actually like - I want to be the best, but not spending most of my time hiding myself in my room reading texts, or in the labs doing endless experiments hooping one day you will discover something great, most likely by accident. You can be really great and never discover anything new, because the things you can think of is already discovered by other people, sometimes, you are just unlucky.
And it is simply not exciting. It is not exciting to be an academic-centered person. I want to be cool and be admired by others.
I don't know what I am interested in anymore. I am still really looking forward to working on my own projects, but when I see the university coursework, I wish I wasn't at university. Really. Even though our curriculum is much more practical than other universities, their requirements is still very different from industry requirements. How they ask you to do, is not how other people do in real life.291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Yfmhpo0OE
I really wish I don't need to do this assignment. I really wish university education is actually free. I really wish I could actually be a cool guy. Without grades to evaluate me.
Each of us are unique, no matter in good or bad. It is so shallow to grade a person, just by a few piece of well defined work which you can easily cheat to make it perfect. Who knows.
I mean, I do my work and I don't cheat. But I do. I cheat because I don't know the material well. I don't go to lectures. I don't read the notes sometimes. And I have no idea what it is about as well. I just put all the numbers in. I just pretend that I know and choose the answer that makes sense the most.
Sometimes I am jealous. I am jealous of people who can keep track of so many things in their mind. I am jealous of people who has great achievements before they come to university.
If I could be one of those people who knows a lot before university, I would not join a lot of finance and consulting clubs that are regarded as prestige by others and do a lot of related activities to make myself look cool. I would actually read and learn about the subjects that I actually enjoy. But now I know I would never be the person I had always wanted to be. I can only look back and take a deep breathe. And let it go.291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0jit869Ei
Right now the only choose is to continue. Continue doing what you are doing, no matter whether you like it or not. Because you have worked hard for those roles. That's what you get. You can't go back to be a high school superstar an get into a college where tech is actually valued, where people value knowledge.291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS26nWjIQVi
It is over.291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeNHq88u7u
And it is not.
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