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It was early afternoon by the time Kyle got back to his apartment. He’d skipped out on work in favour of spending some time with Malik. In other words, he spent most of the day arguing with him and stealing his clothes. Kyle had managed to escape with a shirt and a sweater before taking the bus home. He rapidly tapped the “close” button in the elevator as a woman approached, loudly speaking into her cellphone. He fished his keys out of his pocket as he stepped off the elevator and froze. He could see the identifiable form of his roommate sitting on the hallway carpet beside their apartment door. He sighed, his arms dropping to his sides as he approached. Mitchell was dressed in a (stupid) patchy jumpsuit and covered in various stains. His (stupid) condiment guns sat on the ground beside him. Mitchell looked rather distraught as he flipped through social media on his phone. Kyle unlocked the apartment door and walked inside, toeing off his shoes as Mitchell followed him inside.
“So, your heist didn’t pan out?” Kyle finally broke the silence.
“Obviously not.” Kyle gestured to his jumpsuit.
“Did you get your ass kicked?”
“It wasn’t even Batman! It was that weirdo Lovebug!”
Kyle laughed and Mitchell blushed, now thoroughly embarrassed. He’d worked for weeks on his newest heist idea with the intent of capturing the attention of a “big villain”. If he was theatrical enough he could probably get Joker’s attention, or better yet, Batman’s. He’d posted himself in the center court of the Diamond Heights Mall, surrounded by some of Gotham’s finer dressed citizens. He had expected that someone would call Batman personally, considering the clientele. He had been in the middle of introducing himself as “The New and Improved Condiment King” when he heard a voice behind him.
“I get the whole “eat the rich” thing but at least use, like, Grey Poupon or something.”
Behind him was none other than Lovebug, a sort-of-hero, clad in a suit of pink and red. His head was cocked slightly to the side with a hand on his hip, completely casual. Mitchell had become flustered immediately; mostly on account of being unfamiliar with said hero. It was bad enough that Batman had sent someone else, but worse so that it was a very clever and quick witted adversary. Lovebug was infamous for his quips and sass.
“Prepare to be sauced!” Mitchell had yelled, readying his ketchup gun.
He was caught off guard at the sputter of air and wholehearted laughter that left Lovebug. Stammering and blushing, he shot a blast of ketchup at his foe. Lovebug had dodged it deftly, still laughing in the process and swept in. He dodged a few more widely missed shots before the glass of his helmet lit up. Oh, right, his weird built in streaming service.
“This guy sucks.” Lovebug put simply.
Mitchell made for another move and Lovebug jumped into action. He took hold of one of the rubber hoses connected to Mitchell’s gun, twisting it around him. Grabbing the second hose, Lovebug twisted and tied them together, effectively trapping Mitchell. A set of yellow wings emerged from Lovebug’s backpack and fluttered, lifting him a bit off the ground with Mitchell dangling.
“Now, what am I gonna do with you?”
He’d ended up dropping off the would-be villain at the police department where he was thoroughly laughed at and made fun of before being sent home with a slap on the wrist. Not even the feds took him seriously, and they saw worse villains every day. It had been a long and humiliating walk home from the station. And now, if all that hadn’t been enough, his own friend roommate was joining in on the laugh. Mitchell pouted, slouching on the sofa.
“Oh, come on, dude. It’s hilarious!” Mitchell’s frown deepened. “Really, though, did you think that would work?”
“Yeah! I did, actually! I put a lot of work into that plan.”
“You can’t just walk in and start splatting, you’ve gotta come up with some kind of honest threat.”
“Mustard would have destroyed those nice clothes.”
“Dude, oxygen cleaner exists for a reason.”
Kyle pulled a soda from the fridge, tossing another one to Mitchell. He flopped on the couch beside him and they tapped the edges of their soda cans together in a “cheers” motion. Mitchell made a sound of discontent as Kyle grabbed the remote and changed the channel to the Channel Nine News.
“We’ve just gotten word of a brand new story from the Diamond Heights Mall! Let’s go to Elizabeth Harlow with the 4-1-1.”
A brief cellphone video played of Mitchell being wrapped up and carried off by Lovebug.
“Condiment King was spotted at the Diamond Heights Mall, threatening bystanders. However, current fan favourite hero Lovebug made short work of the wannabe supervillain.”
“Elizabeth, could you give us a short recap on this “Condiment King”?”
“We don’t know much actually, although Lovebug did report that he is no threat to anyone.”
“So he just runs around shooting people with ketchup and mustard.”
“Pretty much!”
The reports all shared a laugh for a moment before Elizabeth cleared her throat, still smiling.
“To tell you the truth, Paula, he’s one of Batman’s many third rate villains trying to garner attention by being annoying.”
Paula raised her eyebrows and her partner reporter made an “ooh” sound before the three shared a laugh again. Kyle chuckled before turning to Mitchell.
“Third rate.”
He yelped as Mitchell grabbed a pillow and slammed it into Kyle’s head.
“Shut up! What do you know about villainy anyway!”144Please respect copyright.PENANAxSeDZ5uUQH
“Probably more than you do. Idiot.” Kyle smirked.
“I’d like to see you try and be a villain! No one would take your fuckboy self seriously!”
“Like you have room to speak! Elizabeth Harlow just called you a third rate loser!”
Kyle threw the pillow back at Mitchell, who tossed it on the ground and stomped to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Kyle followed, shoving the door open as Mitchell threw himself on his small, tattered bed. He couldn’t understand what Mitchell was whining about now with his face mushed into his covers and his voice muffled. Kyle sat on the foot of the bed, scrunching his nose at the lingering vinegar smell from Mitchell’s jumpsuit in the laundry hamper.
“I wish you would’ve picked a less smelly weapon. It smells like a BatBurger in here.”
“Leave me to wallow in my self pity.”
“Oh, god, Mitch. Just suck it up and get a new hobby.” Kyle flopped backwards on the mattress.
“But I’ve been doing this for so long! I just have to get my chance. If I pick the right fight, if- if I can get the right attention-”
“Batman’s not going to notice you. Some dude with a ketchup gun is the least of his problems.”
“...I could switch to teriyaki sauce. Or mayonnaise.”
His hand connected with the back of Mitchell’s head in a solid slap. Kyle was being about as nice as he knew how about the situation, but he could feel it still wasn’t sinking in. He sat up and sighed.
“Mitchell, listen, you’ve been at this for like four years. And you’ve fought Batman zero times. It’s not going to happen.”
“But it could, I just need to-”
Mitchell babbled on for a moment before Kyle clapped a hand on his back.
“Give it up.”
Mitchell stared with wide eyes, his eyebrows furrowed together, he looked hurt and shocked. Kyle gave him an apologetic shrug and stood, heading for the door.
“Not even a little faith?” Mitchell’s voice was barely a whisper.
Kyle didn’t answer before heading to his own room, softly closing Mitchell’s door.
⠠⠅⠽⠇⠑
They hadn’t spoken all day. Mitchell hadn’t smiled or told any corny joke and Kyle hadn’t done much more than hand him a microwave breakfast scramble. The drive to work had been silent aside from the radio playing Mitchell’s favourite Top 50. It was starting to get on Kyle’s nerves. Coworkers kept asking him what was wrong and “why is Mitch so quiet” and “what did you do to him”? He’d told him the truth. What he needed to hear. Sure, Mitch was down in the mouth about it but he’d get over it. Speaking of…
“What’s up?” Kyle asked.
Mitch shifted his weight from one foot to the other, hands awkwardly shoved in his pockets.
“Do you wanna leave early? Boss asked.”
“We can go.”
Without another word, Mitchell went on his way to hang up his apron and get ready to leave. Their manager tapped Kyle’s shoulder as he passed her.
“Ask Mitch.” He muttered before she could ask.
“I did. He said he was just thinking.”
“That’s good.”
“Mitch doesn’t think.”
“Well maybe it’s time that changed.” Kyle bit out.
He marched past her and ignored Mitchell’s confused look as they got in the car. Mitch jumped as Kyle’s door slammed shut and Kyle felt something in his head break.
“Would you stop acting like a bitch?”
“I didn’t do-“
“You keep jumping and shit like I’m gonna hit you. When have I ever hit you?”
Mitch seemed to think for a moment, blinking.
“You’ve never hit me.”
“Then stop acting like a bitch.”
“You hurt my feelings, though.”
Kyle paused and scoffed a laugh.
“Seriously? I hurt your-“
“Yeah! You did! You called me a third rate villain, laughed at me, and then told me to give up! That hurt, Kyle!”
It was not often Mitchell raised his voice at Kyle; to be honest he was a bit afraid of his roommate. Kyle was taller than him and a bit bigger than him. He’d seen Kyle get mad and sock someone before, and he’d heard many of the threats Kyle could come up with. But this had been the first time Kyle had said anything truly hurtful directly to him. He felt betrayed by it, Kyle had pretty much always been supportive of him.
“Maybe instead of being mean to me, you just tell me why you’re so opposed to me living my-“
“Do not say dream.”
“It is my dream! I want to be the best villain I can be-“
“You’re gonna die before then, Mitchell. You’re lucky Lovebug didn’t knock your teeth in yesterday.”
“Well, he didn’t and-“
“And you didn’t even begin to put up a fight. The JLA even said you weren’t a threat, Batman said you weren’t a threat. You’re a college dropout working a minimum wage job. You shoot people with sauces and get tossed into a cop car and driven home. You’ve never even been arrested-“
“Pull over.” Mitch bit out.
“Wh-“
“Pull over!”
Kyle looked over at Mitchell, who looked red in the face, hands clenched in his lap, staring ahead. Kyle pulled the car over in a random parking lot and Mitchell shot out of the car. Marching off, he shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, all while walking the opposite direction from their apartment. Kyle laughed incredulously and opened his door.
“Where are you going?” Mitchell didn’t answer. “Home is that way, Mitch!”
“I’m not going home!” Mitch wiped at his nose.
That stopped Kyle in his tracks; was Mitch crying over this? He cursed, getting back into the car to park decently before hurrying out to jog after Mitchell. He yelled after him, obviously being ignored. He shoved some pedestrians out of his way, eventually catching up to Mitch as he fiddled with his phone. He grabbed Mitchell’s arm and he wrenched away from his hold.
“Go away, Kyle.” His eyes looked misty.
“Where are you gonna go?”
“To a friend’s place.”
“Who and where?”
“Why do you care!”
Kyle grit his teeth and grabbed Mitchell by the back of his jacket, slinging him against a brick storefront. He planted a hand on Mitchell’s chest, holding him against the wall. Some bystanders gasped and a woman started to approach them before shying off as Kyle shot her a cold glare. He turned his attention back to Mitch who went white.
“Answer me.”
“D-Drury. Walker. We’re buds, I-I-“
“Where?”
“Um, 7th street? I was gonna call him.”
“We’re going home. Let’s go.”
“Y-You can’t make me.” Mitchell stuttered out.
“Excuse me?” Now Kyle was furious.
“You can’t make me. I’m going to chill with Drury and come home when I want.”
Mitchell started to sweat, curling in on himself as he watched Kyle’s face go from shock to furious anger. The tips of his ears went red and his eyes sharpened before gripping a handful of Mitchell’s shirt. He pulled hard and Mitchell almost fell as Kyle dragged him back towards the car. Mitch struggled to walk after him as they pushed through the crowded street. Mitch was calling him every half-hearted insult he could think of while not fighting him. Kyle opened the passenger door and shoved Mitch down with a hand on his head. Mitch fought for a moment and made a bit of a scene while Kyle forced him into the seat roughly. With his roommate secured, he circled the car, watching Mitchell like a hawk for any sign he might run. He was halfway to pissing himself as Kyle climbed in and started the car.
It was easy to make Kyle mad, but he’d never made him this mad before. They parked in their respective space and Kyle got out wordlessly, slamming the door. He stood at the sidewalk, waiting as Mitchell got out nervously, walking up to him. Kyle motioned him on and he quickly led him to their apartment door. Kyle unlocked it, holding the door and still glaring as Mitch ran in and straight to his room, locking the door behind him.
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It was late in the evening when Mitchell finally came out of his room. Kyle was sitting on the couch with his laptop, paying bills with a credit card Mitch didn’t recognize. He came around to the front of the sofa, arms crossed.
“What.”
“You know what. You treated me like shit today and it’s not okay.”
“I treated you like the difficult idiot you were being.”
“You threw me against a wall and forced me into the car!”
“I wouldn’t have had to if you-“
“You didn’t have to at all! Just like you didn’t have to insult me in the car! Or yesterday!”
Kyle groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“What did you expect me to do? Let you run off with some other guy in a shit part of town?”
“He’s not- I- That was not the intention and you know it!” His voice was high and cheeks red.
“I know, Drury, I’ve seen him. I’m not an idiot.”
“Well, apparently you are if that’s where your mind went.”
Mitch was trying to act tough and Kyle was seeing right through him. He had his arms crossed over his chest with his shoulders set back. His body language was all wrong, he was nervous as Hell and Kyle knew it.
“Hey, wait-” Mitch’s eyes narrowed, “what do you mean “some other guy”?”
“I said some guy, not-”
Kyle froze as he thought back on his words, realizing that he had said “other”. His eyes flashed from the empty space he was thinking into and back up to Mitchell. Mitch’s expression changed as Kyle stared at him, unsure of how to save himself. Realization dawned on him and his eyes grew wide as his face flushed bright red. Kyle’s did the same, only worse with his paler skin.
“You could have just talked to me, dude.” Mitch’s tone was softer now.144Please respect copyright.PENANAAbIqeUD26H
“And say what?”
“Just be honest! If you weren’t so closed off, we could have avoided all this.”
“It’s not that simple, Mitch.”
“Why not? It’s totally normal!”
He approached Kyle, sitting close to him on the couch. He smiled apologetically and placed a hand on Kyle’s shoulder. Kyle felt his stomach flip as he looked away quickly.
“So, what? I was just supposed to walk up and tell you? Like it was no big deal?”
“It’s not a big deal, Kyle. We can still be friends.”
“Friends… Right.” He swallowed the lump in his throat.
“Yeah.” His hand moved to Kyle’s upper back, rubbing soothingly. “I mean, yeah, Drury’s a tall, fit guy but so are you! You’ve got no reason to be jealous!”
There was a heavy pause.144Please respect copyright.PENANAhlmrhuSVij
“Y-yeah. I mean, he’s just so… tall.”
“I mean, yeah, but you’re like 6’2”! You’re plenty tall! See, if you had just opened up and talked to me we could have dealt with it like adults.”
Mitch patted Kyle’s shoulder and stood, happily prancing off to the entryway and putting on his jacket.
“Well, now that we’ve got that settled, why don’t you and I go see Drury, huh? He was looking forward to me visiting earlier, and he just got back from a heist. Let’s see what cool stuff he got!”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Kyle felt sick.
“Aw, come on, he’s a chill guy. It won’t be any trouble. Just visualize him as an equal, you know, in your mind’s eye or whatever.”
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Kyle had fought Mitch for several moments, trying to avoid future embarrassment. How the Hell had Mitch come up with this? “Let you run off with some other guy”, how else was that meant to be interpreted? And Mitch thought he was jealous of the dude? They were practically the same size, Kyle was just an inch or two shorter than Drury. Now he found himself in an armchair in a seedy looking apartment on 7th street, face to face with Drury, who was being entirely too nice to Kyle. He’d laid out snacks and water glasses before the two arrived, and was still half dressed in his villain costume. Kyle forced a smile when Mitch handed him a plate with chips and hummus on it.
“I don’t really like hummus, I bought it for Mitch. He picked up the taste from you, actually.” Drury mentioned casually.
“Oh, uh, yeah?” Was Kyle’s elegant response.
They’d spent most of the time with Drury dancing around the topic of their friendship. It was clear he was alluding to the nature of their friendship, based on how protective Kyle was of Mitchell. He mentioned Kyle’s body language and speech pattern with displeasure. He gave details from their recent fight to Kyle’s speech about Mitchell’s lack of villain impact, all the while casually stating that “oh, Mitchell tells me everything”. Just when Kyle was about to excuse himself to the bathroom for the umpteenth time, his phone rang. Malik Roosevelt flashed across the screen and Kyle jumped up and into the hall to answer it.
“Hey.”
“Hey- Uh, hey? Where are you? I stopped by your apartment with your laundry. You said you were paying bills?” Malik sounded like a peeved mother.
“Uh, there was a slight change of plans. We’re at Mitch’s… friend’s house.”
“... Mitch has other friends?”
“Yes, and actually I would really appreciate it if you came to pick me up.” Kyle’s voice had tapered off to a whisper.
Malik had agreed, but not before chastising Kyle for going somewhere on 7th Street. Now Kyle only had to endure about thirty more minutes of Drury’s passive aggressive comments. He gave a relieved sigh and turned back into the apartment and returned to his seat. 144Please respect copyright.PENANAC3XjGnbsnP
144Please respect copyright.PENANApWQIr9NS9T
“Sorry about that, Malik needs something so he’ll be on his way.”
“Leaving so soon? Mitch and I were just getting into your emotional constipation.”
“D-Drury, I told you not to!”
“I’m just saying, it can’t be healthy for you to bottle everything in.”
“Excuse me for a moment.”
He was starting to run out of shower bottles to read in the dingy bathroom. He leaned up against the wall, staring helplessly at his reflection. The other two continued to talk- well, Mitchell was whispering- about him in the other room.
“You’re going to make him mad.”
“Is that all he gets? Just mad?”
“No, he can be content sometimes.”
“Mitchell, are you sure he’s even your friend? Seems like a douche to me.”
“Drury, be quiet!”
And there it was, Kyle lamented. Mitchell’s tall and accomplished villain friend didn’t like him. He could picture it now, Drury would tell him how toxic Kyle was and how Mitchell should leave and move in with him. Hm, the more he thought about it the more it sounded like a romantic drama. He was finally managing to block out the conversation when there was a knock at the front door. He might as well have kicked the door down as he ran to the door. Malik was sanitizing his hands as Drury opened the door. The professor looked him up and down, unimpressed. Kyle grabbed one last chip with hummus and tossed Mitchell the keys.
“Gotta go, bye.”
He could hear Malik calling after him as he ran down the hall, taking the stairs to the lobby. He sprinted across the way to Malik’s old Chevy Stingray and nearly took the handle off trying to open the door. Malik jogged after him, looking none too pleased with his ward’s display. He climbed into the driver’s seat, huffing in annoyance.
“And what was that little display for?”
“Drury hates me.”
“He didn’t look too impressive to me.”
“Mitch “tells him everything”.” Kyle mocked Drury’s languid voice. “He knows every stupid argument and fight we’ve ever had.”
“Do… you two fight often?” Malik inquired.
“Lately, yeah.”
Malik made a face, indicating a question.
“I don’t know, man! He had some stupid heist he tried to pull the other day and-”
“Oh, yes, at the mall. Lovebug took him in.”
“Exactly! Mitchell just doesn’t get it! He’s so focused and worked up about Batman. What if he had actually fought? Lovebug would have kicked his ass and ripped out a tooth!”
“So, you’re concerned about him, more than anything.”
“Yeah.”
Kyle dropped back in his seat as they rolled down the street. The two went on in silence for a while before Kyle turned to Malik.
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“Do you think he’s gonna stay over there? Tonight?”
“Well, he might. But Mitchell doesn’t strike me as the… not straight variety.”
“That’s not what I meant!”
Malik’s crisp laugh brought a blush to Kyle’s face. Why was everyone misinterpreting him today? Kyle typed out a text to Mitchell about watering their plant. Maybe that will convince him to go home.
“Too bad you don’t have a pet, that would give him a reason not to stay.”
Kyle grimaced and blushed, thankful for the lack of street lights on the road leading to Malik’s townhouse. Moonbeam met them at the door, mewing at them excitedly. Kyle tucked himself into the sofa, Moonbeam’s dainty paws kneading his chunky knit sweater. Malik shrugged off his blazer and hung it over the back of the sofa. He dropped onto the furniture with a heavy sigh.
“Long day?”
“I could ask you the same. What with all this Mitchell nonsense.”
“It’s not nonsense. We got in a fight. I already told you about the villain thing.”
“Yes, but you have so far neglected to tell me why you care so deeply about this boy.”
“He’s my friend.”
“Is that all he is?”
“Not you too!” Kyle whined.
“Allow me to guess.” Malik turned to look at Kyle pointedly. “You had an argument, he wanted to leave. You got jealous of the shoulder he could cry on and forcibly returned him home. Your specialty, might I add.”
“Well, you’re not wrong. But-”
“And you refuse to admit that you have some semblance of feelings for him and that is why you are so protective when you’ve only known him for two years.”
“Two years is a long time!”
“I have known you for six.”
“You’re different.”
Malik chuckled.
“Do tell.”
“Mitch is… a friend. You started as a loose end and evolved into a father-” Kyle froze. “Friend. I meant friend.”
“You see me as a father?” Malik looked hopeful.
“I see you as a bother.”
Kyle flushed, burying his face in Moonbeam as she curled around his neck. Malik smiled and patted Kyle’s knee, which jerked away from him.
“I suppose you are like a son to me.” There was a pause as another emotion flashed in Malik’s eye before he shook it off. “Now, when are you confessing your love to Mitchell?”
“Never. Because I don’t love him.”
“Are you sure about that? You seem rather attached.”
Night found Moonbeam beckoning Kyle to bed, well after Malik had retired for the night. He walked to his old bedroom, while Moonbeam turned left towards Malik’s room. She turned, confused, and trotted after him. She looped through his ankles as he tried to remove his shoes, disrupting his progress. She walked from his ankles to the door and back, mewing at him.
“Malik’s got a long day tomorrow. I’ll sleep here.”
She continued crying as Kyle tried to settle into the twin sized bed. She stomped around on him and mewed in his face a few times before Kyle carefully grabbed her and tossed her into Malik’s room. He could hear her crying through the doors and sighed, defeated.
“Alright, okay, fine.”
He returned to the hall and creaked open Malik’s door. Kyle could barely see Malik’s head through the down comforter and pillows around him. Moonbeam jumped onto the bed, curling up by the foot and looking at Kyle inquisitively. He closed the door gently and crept up to the bed, peering over at what little he could see of Malik’s face. His mouth was slightly open and he could hear Malik’s soft snores. His normally neat hair was a mess and the pillows had been strewn about but in all, he looked perfectly peaceful. Kyle prodded at his shoulder, smiling when Malik’s nose scrunched up.
“What.”
“Scoot over?”
Malik scrubbed at his face with one hand and tossed back his cover with the other. Kyle flushed slightly, he felt like he was too old for this, but climbed into the large bed beside Malik. He settled in, analyzing Malik’s face.
“Stop staring and go to sleep.”
Kyle had always been full of surprises. Malik’s favourites were the rare times he let himself be vulnerable. He forced his eyes open when he felt Kyle’s weight shift towards him. He was trying to subtly move closer; he’d never admit it but he was a bit of a snuggler. Malik tugged him closer, looping an arm over his shoulders and tucking his hand behind Kyle’s head. He heard the comfortable sigh and smiled softly as the tension left his ward son.
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