"I never saw today coming. Its funny how the world can give you something that makes you feel alive and then, in the blink of an eye, it gets taken away. Your happiness is your lifeline. Everything that gives you a reason to wake up in the morning is just gone. Laying in a coffin next to you."
the present day
The next week was weird without Mira. I mean, she annoyed the shit out of me, but she was still an acquaintance. The police are still searching for her. Enough of that sad shit. So at least I made ¥3000 this week. Oh, and Akina and I are going on a date tomorrow. I don't even know how it happened. Don't ask me, it just happened. We've been spending so much time together and, in between laughing and hugging and watching anime, she asked me out on a date. I was so baffled I didn't know what to say. My mind wanted to say no, but somehow my heart wanted to say yes so much more. The the date has arrived. I'm so nervous and I don't even know why. It's like she put some spell on me, making me doubt everything I am. I'm not supposed to feel this way about her. Am I even really asexual and aromantic? Because with her I feel different. I feel butterflies in my stomach, and she gives me this weird warm feeling. Anyway, I need to get dressed. I grabbed my black jeans and put on a grey shirt. I styled my hair and made sure I smelled extra nice. [knock on the door] Oh shit! She's here. My heart started racing and I somehow forgot how to act like a normal person. I opened the door, revealing her. The spring flower in my life. She was wearing ripped blue jeans and a black blouse. She's wearing makeup, which is unusual, but she looks even more beautiful. "Hey Tamo." She pulls me in for a hug. She smells sweet. It gave me goose bumps to feel her in my arms again. "Hey Akina." I squeezed her and let go. "Are you ready to go? " She asks, taking my hand. They're so small compared to mine, and they are as cold as ice. All I could do at that moment was nod my head. She's made me speechless. I feel my body tensing up. I'm not used to feeling all of these feelings for one person. It feels like I'm on a roller coaster. Before I knew it we we're at the restaurant. We sat down and we both ordered coffee. I've never even seen half of the names of the different kinds of coffee you can get. "I'll take a cappuccino." She closes the menu and the waitress waits for me to place my order. "Erm - this one." I pointed at the coffee not knowing how to pronounce it. "The caffè macchiato?" the waitress asks. "Mm." I answer, I can feel my face getting red with embarrassment. What idiot doesn't know how to say caffè macchiato? Akina looks at me in awe,
making me blush even more.
Within a few minutes our coffee arrived.
"Tamo, can I be honest?" I nod. "I really hate restaurants, can we just ditch this place and go somewhere else?" She starts laughing. "Please." I answered and raised my hand to ask for the bill. I'm so glad that she said something. I hate restaurants and malls for that matter. I would much rather just stay home and spend time there. "I have a place..." I whispered and took her small, soft hand into mine. After a few minutes, we arrived at our destination. My favourite place on earth is Nakameguro. The cherry blossoms are in full bloom. She looks at them in awe and the trees make her look even more beautiful to me. "This place is beautiful. I've been living in Tokyo for so long, and yet I have never been here." She squeezes my hand and looks at me. I feel my cheeks are turning red. While walking, I picked up a blossom from the ground and stopped. I pull her towards me, push her hair behind her ear and slide the flower into her hair. I smiled at her, and this time my smile was genuine. Usually I have to fake my smile, but with Akina I don't have to force or fake anything. She makes me feel safe. Like I'm home. We stood still in one of the trees. I pulled her into a hug, and slowly but surely I felt my face turn towards her and before I knew it, I felt her soft lips on mine. A few days ago, I wouldn't have even imagined myself kissing someone, but look at me now, smooching the most beautiful girl in the world under a cherry blossom tree. Akina is making me second guess everything I am. She makes me feel so many feelings, feelings I have never really felt before.
It feels good to feel something. I just hope she feels the same.After a whole day of spending time with Akina, my heart felt excessive to say goodbye. I know we're next-door neighbours but I'm sure she doesn't want to spend a full 24 hours with me. We walked home and eventually got to her flat. She stood on her tipsy toes and pulled me into a tight hug. My heart started galloping again. She let's go. "Thank you, for the most amazing date I've ever been on [hesitation] actually the most amazing first date." She leans and kisses me. She opened the door and walked into her flat, but before she could completely enter it, I grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to me. I put my hand behind her head and kissed her one last time. I honestly don't know where I got those moves from, but it seemed like she enjoyed it because when I tried to pull away she pulled me back in to her soft kisses. After a ten-minute make-out session, I let her go into her flat and I walked over to mine. I feel so eerie. I don't feel like myself. I sat down on the bed questioning my whole life. Not only does Akina make me feel safe, but she makes me feel certain things in the down town area, if you know what I mean. I need to get her out of my head. I took a cold shower and went straight to bed and tried to forget about the days events. I reminded myself yet again that falling in love is just a waste of time, but then my heart told me that with Akina it's time wasted well. [falls asleep]
alarm goes off
Bloody hell, I really need a new alarm. [bashes the stop button] I feel like a piece of trash again. I have a huge headache and for what reason? I stood up and took a brief shower. I made myself some toast and sat down in front of my telly and watched some anime. I wondered what Akina was up to and if she's thinking about yesterday. Honestly, I can't get her out of my head. I think I should just drown out the thoughts with music. [turns on music] I sat on my couch and tried to let the music do it's job, but not even the music could get her out of my head. [phone rings] Mm? Who could be calling me this damn early in the morning? [looks down] Lord, it's Val. [picks up the phone and answers] "Hey Val what's up?" I can hear intense commutation in the background. "Oh nothing much dude, I just heard on the news that they have a lead in Mira's case. Apparently she's somewhere near or in Mexico." [silence] Mexico, What do they wanna do with her in Mexico? "Thanks for letting me know Val, hopefully they'll find her soon." [doorbell rings]"Got to go Val, someone's at my door." [hangs up] I wonder who it could be, ringing my damn doorbell at like 0800 in the morning. To my surprise, it was not who I hoped it would be but only the landlord who came to check up on the flat. "Oh, hey Mr. Hideyoshi." I opened the door to the small little man in blue scrubs. "Problems with the plumbing?" He walks looking around. "Eh, no sir." He looked at me. "Lights?" He flickers the switches. "No sir, no problems here." He walks past me, and he smells like sweat and noodles. "Well then, nothing to check then." He walked out without saying goodbye. Rude. Why are most old, short people so damn rude? [closes the door] Maybe I need to go to the gym for a bit. [sighs] Okay but before I go, I need to take a shit. My stomach feels like a volcano that's about to explode.
15 minutes later
Ah, heaven on the toilet seat. [smiles] Anyway, gym clothes and then off to the gym. The birds are really making a loud noise today. [looking up at the tree] I wonder what they could be doing? Eh, it doesn't matter. I need to go to the gym anyway. [Looks down on watch] 0845 huh? Well, a 2-hour gym session is just what this man needs. [smirks] The gym is only a few minutes away from me. Thank the Lord it's within walking distance. Otherwise I'd be dead. "Sup dude you have a gym membership card?" A short, curly hair, fat man behind the counter asked. He is chewing gum. It's the most disgusting way almost like he's cuddling it .The guy is a mess and a bloody disappointment. "I do." [shows membership card] "I see, thank you sir. Enjoy your workout session." Why does he have to chew with his damn mouth open? [glares at him] "Can you please, for the love of our almighty God? CHEW WITH YOUR DAMN MOUTH CLOSED?!" [Looks at Tamo with big eyes] "My bad, sorry sir." [chews with mouth closed] "Thank you." That 'thank you' was very sarcastic if you couldn't read between the lines. [1 hour in] Man [huffs and puffs] who knows that [more huffs and puffs] working out really takes a toll on your body? [groans] Ugh, all this is just because I don't want to be unfit. "Hey there sexy." [looks around] Huh? Where did that voice come from? "Over here you idiot!" Where? [looks at his right] Ah. Akane Tanaka. The high-school's second best student. She's usually mad at me for taking first place, but for some reason, she's always friendly to me. "Oh hey Tanaka. Didn't see you there." Her face turned all red. "Of course you didn't see me. You're always such a big meanie!" A big meanie? Where the hell am I being mean to here? "Well I don't see why you call me mean. I didn't do anything wrong." [Tanaka looks at Toma with disgust] "Never mind that. Since when do you go to the gym? It's very odd to see you here." Do I always go to the gym? Maybe not with weight, but I do with my own weight. Lord, these people do have a tendency to make me mad.
"Well, I am trying something new. Do you like it Tanaka?" She's not even making eye contact with me now. Is she shy? She never acts like this around me in school. "I, uh. Yeah I guess I like it. Seeing you do something new." Why is she like this? It's creeping me out. "Well, I am glad, but if you can excuse me, I have to finish my workout." I only have an hour left anyway. "Okay sure. But can I talk to you after you are done?" Why the hell does she want to talk to me? "Uh, sure if you want to. I only have an hour left, so if you don't want to wait, you can just text me." The hell did I say that for? "I don't have your number." Her face is beyond red now. [looks up towards Tamo]"May I have your number then?" Did she just point-blank ask me for my number? Since when did girls of today have the guts of steel to ask me shit like this? "Sure, but just don't spam me with text messages and calls please." After another hour of suffering, I sat down and put on my sweatshirt. I looked down at my watch to see my stats for the workout. I burned 950 calories. Not too shabby if I say so myself. I looked up and see started walking towards the exit. "Well, I won't take up a lot of you time." She walks with me but struggles to keep up with me. "I wanted to ask you if you could tutor me." I stopped dead in my tracks. She wants me to tutor her? "I mean I know you're busy with those extra help classes, and I was just wondering if you'll tutor me." She looks up and her face turns red once again. I turned around to face her. "And why exactly do you need my help? You're the second smartest student in our school, you don't need any help." Something is a bit off here. "Well." [pause] Just when I thought her face wouldn't turn any redder it did. I think by now she could be classified as a tomato. "I don't know how else to ask you to spend time with you." She looks down and tries to hide her face. Since when do all the girls just fall at my feet. First Mira, then Akina, now Tanaka! I can't deal with this right now. I'm way too tired of this bullshit. "Listen Tanaka, I'll help you, but I'm not interested in anything else. I will come tomorrow for extra help but don't waste my time." I turned around, walked out of the gym and went straight home. Akina is still running around in my mind. Maybe I should just go to her after my shower and ask her if she wants to have lunch or maybe a milkshake.
a few minutes later
Ah, that shower felt so good. I dried off my hair and body and got dressed. I put on a red shirt and a pair of black sweats. I styled my hair and put on my trainers. "I low-key feel like super man in this shirt." [looks at the reader] "and yes, I know super man's suit is blue, I'm not an idiot. I just feel super, leave a man be." Anyway, I need to see if Akina is home. I walked out to the balcony in the back and leaned over the edge to see if there's any movement in her flat. I can hear her music playing, which means she's home. I practically ran out of my flat like a fat child running towards an ice cream truck. I locked my door and headed over to Akina's place. I knocked at the door. She opened it. Her hair is in a messy bun, and she's wearing a pinkish tank top and grey sweats with pink bunny slippers. "Oh hey Tamo." She smiles and pulls me into a hug. "Hey Akina, what smells so delicious?" She lets go and steps aside, allowing me to enter her flat. "I made Gyoza." Her cooking always makes my mouth water. "I was actually just on my way to ask you if you wanted to join me for lunch." She smiles and takes the food from the microwave. "It smells heavenly, I really need to get these recipes from you Akina. All I've been eating is ramen because, honestly, it's the only thing I can make." I smile and lean over the counter. "Well, Tamo, like I said before, you're always welcome to join me. Maybe one day you can show me how to make ramen." She giggles and bends down to get plates from the cupboard. I really wish she didn't do that. All I can see now is her ass in the air. Even though she's wearing sweatpants, I can still see the outline of her ass. I looked away as quickly as possible to stop myself from getting too excited. She stands up and dishes up the Gyoza. She puts down the plate in front of me and joins me at the table. For some reason, I'm more focused on her than the food, which is odd because nothing beats food. She just looks so soft. It's like her skin is shimmering, like her body is calling my name. "Tamo?" She snaps her fingers and pulls me out of my dream world. "Sorry." I smile and take a big bite of the food in front of me, trying to not think inappropriately about her.
After lunch, I helped Akina clean up. She's so beautiful. She looks like Harionago, only not that scary and dangerous. She just has the beauty and her body. I swear it was sculpted and built by hand. There's no flaws whatsoever. I feel like every time I'm with her, I fall deeper and deeper in love with her. She walks towards me and pulls me down into her lips by pulling my shirt. Her lips taste like peaches and I'm dying for more. She started pulling my shirt up. She stops kissing me and looks at my body. "Oh damn." She pulls me into a kiss once more. She starts pulling on my trousers, pulling them down and resting her hand on me. It feels so good to be touched, but it feels so wrong. I placed my hand on her breast, squeezing it. [She breathes harder] Her kisses get more intense and more passionate. She slipped her hand underneath my pants. Her hands are so cold, but I love it. Her hands start moving up and down. She bites my bottom lip and leads me to the bedroom. I slowly revealed her body. She has a tattoo under her breasts. It makes her even more sexy. I laid her down on the bed and pulled down her trousers and her pants. I laid down and pulled her legs over my shoulders. I kissed her inner thighs working my way up to her. She tastes good. I mean she's the first person I've ever done something with. She feels good, and she made me feel something I've never really experienced before.
After 45 minutes, I laid down next to Akina. My heart is beating so fast. Did I, an asexual just have sex?! Okay now I know I've been lying to myself about the things I want and don't want. I think all I want now is Akina. All of her. She stood up and walked over to her bathroom. She has such an amazing body. She looked at herself in the mirror .She let down her hair it fell down and covered her ass and her breasts. She turns back to me and walks over to the bed. She curls up into my arms and I can feel her breasts on my chest. "Hey Akina?" I stoke her hair. "Mm?" She sits up and looks at me. "What does this tattoo mean?" I touch her soft skin where the tattoo lays. "Well, the flowers are cherry blossoms they were my mom's favourite, that's why she called me Akina. As you may know, cherry blossoms show love and beauty and the passing of time. It's a reminder of transience. To basically live everyday, like it's your last." She points at the flowers and lays them back down. I could see how her face changed when she spoke about her mom. I feel kind of bad for asking. I didn't mean to ruin the mood. For a few minutes, I just lay there listening to her breathing and eventually I fell asleep. I am walking down a weird ally way. It's cold and the wind is slightly breezing through the air. [sniffs] It smells like dead animals. [walks further down the ally way] The smell of dead animals is getting stronger now. "You are crossing the line boy. Be careful who you play with." [looks around] Where could this voice be coming from? [screams from a distance becomes louder] "You are being controlled boy. You are not who you think you are. [crow lands] We are Morrigan, Badb, and Macha. The Crow Goddess. We are here to warn you about what Baku did. Be careful who you surround yourself with." The crow's eyes start to bleed and the screaming gets louder. The crow started flying towards me. I run as fast as I can. My breathing gets louder, shorter and colder. [trips] I can't move. My body feels like it's frozen. The crow is getting even closer. The claws grabbed my face and tore my head off my body.
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"Tamo, Tamo! Wake up!" I feel how my body is shaken, but for some reason I can't open my eyes. [cold water hits his face] "Ah it's bloody cold!" Akina hands me a towel. "Sorry, but I did try and wake you up normally."[wipes face with a towel] "Was I screaming or doing anything weird?" She must've woken me up for some reason. "No, you were just sweating a lot and sort of mumbling. It made me a little concerned." She is smiling. "I'm a bit thirsty." I smiled and went to the kitchen. Why the hell do all of these gods and goddesses from different places appear in my dreams? All of them come with warnings about the same thing. "Be careful who you surround yourself with". My identity isn't what I think it is? [shaking head] Man, all of this is too weird to me. "Are you okay?" Where can I find the answers to all of this? "Yeah I'm fine. But it's late, so I'll just go home." I smiled [looking my at watch] So its 0345 huh? It really is late. I hug Akina and went to my flat. I went straight for the shower. In the shower, I kept thinking about the warnings. Who or what are they warning me about? And why all of a sudden do all of these gods and goddesses approach me in my dreams? Is it really them, or is it just some messed up dream that my mind creates? I honestly don't know. I don't feel like going to school today. I'm way too exhausted and to be honest I don't want to look at all the people's stupid faces. It's just gonna make me more annoyed than I already am. I wish I could ask someone for help, but how do you just tell someone that you have dreams where gods warn you about the people in your life? I mean, I have had my fair share of weird dreams, but this is a new level of crazy. I think I should head to the gym again. While I'm there, my mind is clear. That's all I need. A few hours of peace and quiet in my mind, without Akina or the gods bothering me. I got dressed and walked to the gym.
Somewhere in Mexico earlier that day
"Policia Federal, open up!" [bangs on the back door] The police slams through the back door of the restaurant. The scene they walk in on is terrifying. Mira Makani, the missing 17-year-old from Japan, has been found. She's laying on a steel kitchen table. Her body is cut up into little pieces and her organs are hanging on the outside of her body. They are draped like red curtains. Her body is blue, which means she has been dead for a while. The police found traces of drugs in her organs. They must've used her to smuggle drugs across the borders. Poor girl. She was so young, she had her whole life waiting for her. The police put her mangled body into a black body bag and wheeled her out to the ambulance.
I got to the gym within a few minutes. I put my earphones in and listened to some music to get myself hyped up for a 2-hour training session. I started with a 40-minute run on the treadmill. I looked up at the telly and saw that the news channel was on. On the screen I read 'Mira Makani found'. I slammed the stop button on the treadmill and ran over to the telly. I took out my earphones to pay attention to what they were saying. "17-year-old Mira Mikani was found dead this morning by the police. Mira went missing about four weeks ago. Search parties have been looking ever since." I can't believe what I'm hearing. I saw the body bag being dragged out of a restaurant. I feel sick. I think my mind knew all along that Mira wouldn't survive, but I think some part of me hoped she would still be alive. "Our condolences to family and friends during this time." The news reporter finished. I ran out of the gym straight home. Everything is way too overwhelming. I had sex, then gods appeared in my dream and now I find out that one of my acquaintances got murdered? What is my life even at this moment? I got home and I saw Akina in the hallway. "Hey Tamo." She walked towards me, but before she could get to me, I entered my flat and locked the door. It feels like my head is going to explode. I heard a ringing sound as I fell onto the ground. It stings. [screams] "What is happening?!" My whole body starts to tense up and it feels like I'm not in control of my emotions. When everything came to an end and the ringing in my head stopped, my doorbell rang. "Go away Akina." I scream, still laying on the floor. "It's not Akina." Wait that voice. I jumped up and opened the door. "M-mira." I gasped. "We need to talk." She pushes me into the flat and closes the door.
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