Chapter Three:
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(Blake’s pov)
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Today’s a new day, right? I think to myself as my eyes open and reach for my phone. I didn’t sleep very well, hell I didn’t sleep at all. I did what the doctors told me to do, medicate till I couldn’t think straight. But does it work…? No it doesn’t. The mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, antidepressants and I can’t tell what works in what doses and what doesn’t.
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I write in my notes section on my phone. How well I slept, my mood currently, which will probably change throughout the day. The doctor I see recommended daytime treatment programs. You know like seeing a shrink, and that's today but I don’t think I’ll go. I take the several pills that I have to take. “I have to go…” I stand and grab my car keys. If I tell this shrink that I thought and tried to kill myself several times. Then it's off to the psych ward for me.
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I open the car door and see Kai standing beside a tree on the phone, crying. “Kailyr?” I asked as I shut the door if I’m a little late, he shouldn’t care. I walk over to her, as she's ending the call.
“He fucking hit her! He deserves to rot in prison and her dumbass bails him out. He broke her god damn ribs…” She sobs, I panic and wrap my arms around her, smoothing her hair, and moving it out of her face, so I can wipe the tears away.
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“It’s going to be alright,” I was practically petting her at this point. “Hey, hey, look at me, it's alright that's her problem, he’s never gonna hurt you.”
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She's looking me in the eyes “B-but what if she gets seriously hurt.”
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“Then she’ll understand and finally divorce him.” She turns towards me.
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“How do you know?” She asked sharply. “I’ve had my fair share of watching my parents wail on each other and my mom didn’t have the courage to leave that dumb fuck until she was laid up in the hospital.”
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Her tears slowed, “Are you okay, love?” I asked letting her go.
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“Yes, Blake I’m fine.” I start to walk away again.
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“Hey wanna come to therapy with me?” I laugh getting in the car.
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“Nah I’m good.” her eyes were puffy.
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“So besides that, why are you up so early?” I started the car,
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“Couldn’t sleep and it's useless to ask you why you’re up so early?” I nod quickly.
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“Yeah therapy trying to fix my brain.” I make a joke about my mental state though it's not funny. I wasn’t gonna tell her the real reason was the fact that I cried for about an hour last night about how it was my fault mom got beat. Major depressive episodes were always my favorite part of this, any other time I feel like I cannot cry or I’m just extremely irritable.
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“So I gotta get going.” I say, starting to shut the door, “Bye, hope that gets fixed love.”
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She nods “Me too.” I pull out of the driveway and tune everything out. I look down at my hands that have been gripping the wheel a bit too tight. My knuckles were turning white, and I was starting to lose feeling. I run my fingers through my hair as I pull into the parking lot. It starts raining, as I’m getting out of the car. I walk slowly in the rain letting it hit my shirt and letting it soak through. I walk into the building, after what feels like an eternity I finally get called back.
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“Blake,” Dr. Green exclaimed.
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“Hey, I’m here physically,” I laugh as I sit down in a chair across from him. His office wasn’t like in the movies, it wasn’t you lay down on the couch and lay out your life story, it was you say whatever the hell you want to. He wasn’t a shrink, he was a friend. “I tried to kill myself again…” I said it before I could think.
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“How this time Blake?” He asked.
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I took a deep breath before laughing slightly, “Same thing as always but still trying to get the correct dose of tylenol and Xanax down, Or maybe I should try fentanyl, that's lethal in almost any dose over microdoses.'' I start to ramble and he cuts me off
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“Blake, you know what this means right?” I nod.
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“Back to suicide watch… and fifteen minute showers.'' I took another deep breath and stood up “Call family and tell them right?'' I ask him and he nods. I dial Kailyr’s number and wait for it to ring ``How long this time?”
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“As long as it takes Blake. Remember last time.”
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“Hey, Kai. I need a ride to Vanderbilt Mental Hospital” I say, waiting for her response.
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“What? why?” She seems a little concerned.
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“You remember when you came in that night to tell me you like me.” I know she nodded. “Love, I can’t hear you nod. But I had taken a handful of tylenol and at least three xanax, apparently that wasn’t a lethal dose. So next time I try I’ll take the whole damn bottle.” I pause to let that sink in
“BABE!” That was the first time she had ever called me something like that. I was shocked.
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“Hmm?” I questioned.
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“Why would you do that? Luke needs you!” She's yelling into the phone.
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“No, he doesn't. He hates me, trust me I know.” I bit back.
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“NO! He doesn’t.” she says “Whatever, Luke knows what to bring.” I hung up the phone. I walk outside and take a deep breath and watch the deep crimson car pull into the parking lot.
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“BLAKE WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!” Luke yells at me.
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“What I was thinking was that the world would be a whole lot fucking better for you if I wasn’t alive anymore.” I say raising my voice slightly
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“No, It wouldn't I need you.” I see tears starting to come down his cheeks. I know that he's out of anger and he's finally had enough of my shit. He just drops me off at the doors. I take my bag and walk inside waving weakly to them.
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“Hey,” Kai says getting out of the car, “I’m coming in with you, I need your patient code so I can visit.” She walks up to me wrapping her arm around me.
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(Kailyr’s pov)
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If we’re being honest the only reason I’m going in is because I thought he was a bit scared while he kept his voice even, you could tell if you looked in his eyes.
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It’s been about three months since Blake checked himself in. I’ve missed him a lot, he got his phone back last month. He’s also off of sucide watch so that means I get to visit more often. Which is great especially since today is visiting day and my birthday.
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‘Fuck I’m gonna be late!’ I think to myself as I pull on my hoodie forgetting I'm still in my underwear, I grab a pair of pants and start putting them on in the backseat of Luke’s car. I decided to call Blake to let him know we were on our way.
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“Hey babe….. We’re almost there, I’m putting on pants in the back of Luke's car. sorry if we’re a bit late.”
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I hear him laugh “Love, this is a time sensitive matter but you’re not even close to being late. “ I start cussing at Luke.
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“You told me we were gonna be late, you bastard.” I hit him as we pulled into the parking lot as I shakily put on my eyeliner. When I walk into the doors and see him. I smile to myself,
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“Happy birthday, Love” He says as he hands me paper roses, I assume are handmade
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“Thanks.” I kiss him on the cheek.
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“Hey, hey,” One of the nurses said.
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“Sorry, forgot,” I say to the guard.
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“Austin, shut the fuck up I paid you.” Blake says, looking at him with a death glare. Glad to see he was still the violent person he's always been. He led me to the small room that he obviously shared with someone. He turned on the coal miners' daughter.
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Which was one of my favorite movies ever. “BABE! You remembered!”
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“ I say excitedly “What do you think, love? I’d forget 'cause I haven’t been around for three months, twenty-four days, six hours and 25 minutes.” He's looking at his watch.
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Wow he’s counting the days. He might actually like me, I doubt it but maybe. We’re about to the part where the consummating of the marriage between Loretta and Do happens and he pauses it looking at me. “You okay love?” I look down at my hands where I've picked at my fingers until they’ve bleed. I’m nervous. I’ve been nervous since I stepped into his room. Instead of saying anything to him, I kiss him, and climb into his lap with my knees on either side of him pressing into the thin bed. “Love you’re rushing this, like an Amateur” He said after breaking the kiss
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“Sorry,” I mumbled to him.
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“It’s fine I was just hoping it would happen a little slower.” He says as he’s unbuttoning my blouse, kissing down my chest.
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(Blake’s pov)
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She was rushing this a little bit more than I would’ve liked her to. But I was fine if she wanted to do it like this, which in my opinion was a bit sloppy. Whatever, I started to kiss between her collarbone and the crook of her neck. She moans lightly, ‘Be louder baby’ I beg silently, I start to bite gently on her collarbone, her volume increases slightly
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“Don’t leave marks. Please” She whimpers.
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I run my fingers in her hair, grabbing a handful of it and pulling. It causes her to gasp, I kiss her again, it catches her off guard and she closes her mouth. I bit her bottom lip causing her to moan into the kiss, I pulled away from the kiss to give her a chance to breathe.
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I lean back propping myself on my elbows. I start to run my hand up her inner thigh. She shivers slightly, “What love?” I asked, “Are you not ready?” She nods to me before kissing me then breaks away
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“I couldn’t be more ready.” she kisses my neck
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“Mm fuck” I say in a breathy tone. She continues, trying to leave a hickey on me. “Hell no! if I can’t put marks on you, none on me.” She looks at me with a sad look on her face.
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“What... if I can’t do something then you're not allowed to do it.” She nods but continues anyway.
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“So, you’re gonna allow me to mark you.” She nods again, “I could get in trouble for this.”
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I whisper to her “But all the more reason to do it.” She smiles as I lay back a little more to let her remove my shirt. She pulled my shirt up a little, then up and over my head. I kiss her, then begin kissing down her olive skin. When I get to her waistline I leave little marks not enough to be extremely noticeable, but there they are.
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She’ll know when she looks in the mirror, I’ll save the extremely noticeable ones for her thighs.
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I was laying beside her, brushing her hair out of her face while she slept. There was a knock on the door. “Dammit,” I mumbled, having to wake her was what I dreaded. “Love, get up baby,” She started to stir.
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“Hey, Austin sorry, I fell asleep.” I yell unlocking the door. “Babe, wake up.” I shake her this time.
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“I can walk you out if you wake up now…”
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Her beautiful emerald eyes flutter open. “Finally you're up! Good bye love.” I kiss her quickly before walking out of the door with her hand in mine. When we reach the sliding glass doors, I can hear the disappointment in her voice as she says
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“Bye, Blake, I’ll miss you.”
I smile at her “Only 8 months, five days, and approximately 3,000 and some odd minutes.”
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She laughs “You really have nothing better to do with your life do you.” I looked down.
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“No, not really. Glad I got my phone back though, but they still superglued my remote together so I couldn’t take the batteries out and figure out a way to hurt myself.” She hugs me one last time.
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“Next week, my love.” I kiss her hand and let her go out the door. I walk back to my room and sit on the bed, my roommate will be coming back soon. So I might wanna change the sheets.
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“Blake…. I’m back.” I looked up from the book I was reading, ``No one cares about crazy people’
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“Hello, travis.” I take a deep breath not wanting to speak to him. He was way too shy with other people but when he was talking to me he wouldn’t shut the fuck up… I don’t understand why I just nod my head and agree. I don’t say very much to him.
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“How was your visit?” He asked me.
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“Well, extremely comforting.” I say I don’t know why he’s in this part of the ward, he just has extreme anxiety and depression.
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“Oh, your girl came to visit you… Is that why I got to stay in arts and crafts for another hour and a half?” I nod to him.
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“Yeah, slip that bum, Austin, a hundred dollars to get door locking privileges”
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He smiles at me “Was it fun? My family stopped visiting me a couple of months ago.”
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“Yeah, it was, um you wanna join me when I go on pass three days from now?” I’m just being nice, I'm just trying to get him out of here for a little bit.
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He needs it, “Uh yeah, maybe if I get approved.”
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I smile, “I hope you do get approved.”
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