x
Berkeley, California
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gZhHfVLiR
When I was 17, I knew a girl named Fox. She had long, bleached blonde hair with very evident black roots. She had a toothy grin, and didn't look very pretty unless she smiled with her teeth. She was smaller than the other girls – but standing at only 5'2, she was a force to be reckoned with. Equipped with her Marlboro reds and military boots, no one from Brentwood to the San Fernando Valley wanted to mess with her. Wild and cool, I admired everything about her. My mother had warned me about girls like her; with their bitter facades and strength of a million suns. She always advised me to go after the goldilocks type blondes who carried a pressed powder compact and pink lipstick, but I didn't care for that. I was drawn to Fox's ripped tights and camouflage green utility jackets; her independence and honesty. I mean, who wanted to date a girl who was iced up like a cake? Sure, they're sweet. They always are; until you undid their girdles and pulled off their skin tone tights.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPEsGYaz7U
They smelled like ambrosia but tasted like sin.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB45RqSsD6M
But Fox always tasted like sweetness; not the candy kind of sweetness. Not the spoiled sugar coated taste of chocolate on a July afternoon either - but like roses in spring. She was fresh and pure, and I wanted all of her.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TwSxYNGoM
I spent nights imagining running my fingertips down her bony spine; kissing her pale, milk white skin. I wanted to entangle myself with her smooth skin so she couldn't tell whose body part was whose; I wanted to kiss her so deeply, she couldn't tell whose air she was breathing.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxAONyF4x2
My sexual desire for her would end at a certain point though; because more than anything, I wanted her emotionally. I had only bonded with her on two occasions though; once when I found out she was the smartest person alive, and the second when she let me hold her as she cried.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iH2RndwyH
I wasn't accustomed to girls like her; Fox was one of those complicated girls who provided the best company. They knew how to hide their pain and emotions very well, but only enough so the boys thought they were dolls. But she was brave enough to say no; to hold her ground. You better believe I was blown away! She was a dream; and I looked at her like the angel she was.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndhHMC4R0A
My mother always thought she was just one of those downtown girls who caused riots and spat on the sidewalk. She also believed I only brought her by to house to upset the family. But I was completely enthralled, and no one could identify why.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPKHCromCG
I'm 21 now, and I'm graduating from Berkley with a bachelors in Psychology. My mother is pretty happy for me, although I secretly believe she despises my existence. My old man is the proudest father in the world, though. Strangely enough, my father, your run of the mill liberal, loved Fox and still believes she was greatest thing to happen to our family. My mother believes she was the devil reincarnated, and still refuses to speak about her or those two years she was around.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYOnVMbQ3O
My mother is also a republican, in case anyone cares.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmLGt8d99J
I was packing up my boxes this morning when my phone rang. It only ever rang in the morning; from my father, of course, who wanted to wish me a good day and good luck. But it was four in the afternoon, so it had to be my mother. Besides my parents, my old high school friends seldom called. Skip would ring me a few times, but I haven't been blessed with his useless banter since December. I don't mind though, it's not very healthy to hold onto the past. If I bothered the kids I grew up with, we'd run out of things to talk about within 10 minutes, and I couldn't call any of the Whips, even if I wanted to. They were always moving, and none of them had a stable phone number.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ586DgvnDhI
I answered on the fourth rings with an abrupt greeting, "Hi, yes. It's Cam, what's going on?"
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGb6YYbiTdZ
"Cameron, it's your mother." I already knew that, but I bit my tongue so I wouldn't be a smart-aleck by correcting her, "Yes, hi Mom, do you need something?"
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHLZ96PMB8
"Yes, um," She paused for a moment, her voice tender, "I wanted to know what time the graduation is tomorrow. Your father has business in Oakland, so we're flying in tonight and then we're driving up to Berkeley."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnmtmVsGzi
"Oh, well the whole thing should start around 6, but to beat traffic, you should leave around 5."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ksQQz70q7
"Perfect, perfect." Silence ensued and I couldn't tell if she wanted me to continue the conversation or not. Luckily, my father picked up the landline from his office, and coughed loudly into the phone.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnX5OW8WW6M
"Cam, is that you!" I could practically smell the cigar smoke through my phone.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DTOP7VXM1
"Hey, old man," his voice always put me at a gentle ease. I sat back on my bare mattress and began to relax, "I'm excited to see you guys."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOOTqzJ8Kw
"We are too, Cameron." My mother chipped in. An awkward tension proceeded after her remark, and it was almost as if all three of us were in the same room, but my father and I wanted her out.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqZngamuAB
"Yup, we are. I bought a hot new tie for your graduation. I have to look cool in front of all your new friends, buddy."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrefgIbCPH
"Dad, you really don't have too," I laughed, scratching my temple, "Tie or not, you'd already be the coolest guy here."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuWVVdccbd
"You sure know how to make a man blush, Cam. Cut it out, before I assume you're gay."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHs1r6eSz55
"Howard!" Mother's shrill voice creeped back into the conversation, but all my father could do was laugh, "Calm down, Stella. Even if he was I'd still love Cammy. He's a lovable guy, you know."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4GQE85hgn
"I know." My mother snapped, and I could just imagine her, running a tedious hand through her short blonde hair, her eyes ablaze.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSACe5Q3Yez
I shook my head, chuckling to myself softly, "Anyways, I should finish packing."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjdlB9AG0e
"Wait a second," My father put down the phone, and I listened to his muted footsteps as he walked into the kitchen. It was distant and cluttered, but I could vaguely pick up my father's conversation with my mother.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tET4fN9LK
She huffed, before raising her voice again, "Why can't I listen, what's the big deal?"
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGq1dD5LXnj
"Men's talk, honey! Cameron and I have some things to discuss."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBR2yJI58h0
"Well then, call him from your personal line. I rang Cameron first."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUQB87yt5q
"Fine," She dropped the phone on the counter with a loud thud, before my father lifted it to his mouth.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0MTXaYLEI
"Sorry about that, bud. Anyways, there are some things I need to fill you in on."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDu7w0SeeE
"Oh god," I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose; "This isn't about mom is it? Because she probably picked up the phone-,"
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOulzIDsfb
"No Cam, it's about Allison."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKyvorh8ex
I paused. The air in my throat was caught, and I could barely move my lips. I hadn't heard that name in such a long time, and even though I was so close to the girl behind the façade, 'Allison' was a different persona. She didn't really belong to me; she didn't belong to anyone, really. She was almost a myth; a token from a past life that diminished when 'Allison' gave up hope and joined the Whips, her new family, and became Fox.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡph3R0iejb9
"Oh."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb81KO2nm3D
"Yeah."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQoJDVJvK3
An awkward pause ensued, and I knew if my mother had picked up the phone on the other line, she would've dropped it by the time she heard Allison's name.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDD5AjvG8I
"Is she home? Have you heard from her?"
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfY5F5HLwr
My father grunted, as I listened to him light a cigarette, "Yeah, she stopped by the office a couple days ago-,"
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIT6pI9JAX
"You're just telling me now? Why, Dad- you know I've been trying to get in touch with her since last May-,"
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWK3BrSHhdu
"Cameron, she doesn't want to talk to you," He snapped. I knew I had pushed it; Fox was a touchy subject. She always was. When someone comes into the picture with my family, it always seems like they become a touchy subject. We're very friendly people, you see. But when you've spent the past 21 years like I have, isolated with my parents, any newcomer forces my father to open his heart and my mother to shy away.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oZ4enJZro
"So," I continued, "What DID she want?"
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcWxM9DP8U
"I don't know exactly. I'll fill you in when I see you, your mom is starting dinner and I should probably help her set the table. Take care of yourself, alright Cam?"
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycAfvIRydq
I nodded to myself, even though he couldn't see me.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasZt11eLsc
"Okay Dad, sure."
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Q1ebx9Maj
The line went dead and I put my phone down, and just easily as I let the mere thought of Fox come back into my life, I let it fade away. It wasn't always that easy. It's taken two years, and just the sound of her name can put me in a dead lock. With some practice, I've been able to silence my demons and their screams and quietly tuck her back into the crevice of mind the solely belongs to her.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcntVG2a1CM
But as I went back to folding old polo shirts and ties, I felt her velvet like voice echo throughout the room; as if the sweet smell of rosewater wafted through the rooms like smoke and slid in and out of windows just as easily as she slipped through my hands.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgrYCpVtgO
It was almost as if her spirit had been awakened in my heart and was clawing its way out. But what was the point? She was no longer mine, and I wasn't about to return to my old ways just to remember what it felt like when I was hers.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTGkV50Ptn
Not again, Cameron, not again.
ns 15.158.61.54da2
