Almost there.. almost there... Sarah kept repeating these words like a mantra in her mind. Just don't freak out! Not now! Not today!
"Are you even listening to me? Sarah?" Martin sounded annoyed. He was talking about his job. No, Sarah had not been listening. She was busy trying not to lose her mind . She wasn't normally claustrophobic, but this elevator felt like a death trap. She wanted to get away, out of this box that appeared to shrink with every second she spent inside it. She wanted to cry out in panic, yet she managed to control herself. She had to. This evening was perhaps the last chance to save her relationship with Martin.
Almost there... almost there...
They already had an argument this morning that had turned ugly and she ran away.
They texted, she would apologize as usual and Martin insisted that she had come to the party to make up.
It was all her fault anyway. Her anxiety attacks had ruined their plans so many times. At least until now she always had something to blame them on, but this time she had no excuse for her behaviour. “There is nothing to be scared of” Martin would always say and this time he would be right. There was no storm, no thunder or lightning. Sometimes even just news about natural disasters made her feel anxious, but there was nothing like that today. 260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3U8GtqBCey
The night was clear and beautiful and nothing unpleasant was waiting up there either. On the contrary, Martin's department was having a party, celebrating the completion of this building on the top floor. Martin had played a major part in this huge construction project and it was likely his promotion would be announced tonight. This was important for him. It was his moment, and Sarah wished so much she could just be happy for him.
Almost there…
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"I don't know what's wrong with you today," his words jerked her back into reality once more and for a moment she felt control slipping away. Anxiety welled up inside her and she began to tremble, barely restraining herself.
Sarah couldn’t explain it either; she had used elevators before without going crazy.
Almost there.. almost there...
Martin was still talking about some loophole he found, something he was very proud of, but she wasn’t able to pay attention now, not while they were still inside the elevator.
She knew it was a bad start for their reconciliation, but she would discuss everything with him later. She would tell him he was right and she would apologize and he would hug her and everything would be back to normal.
Sarah thought about Sabine. She had been her best friend and roommate all throughout college. Sabine had always been there for her when Sarah had trouble with Martin. But she left for another city to get her dream job, and that was when Sabine moved in with Martin. Sarah missed Sabine so much right now.
If only they were up there already.
Martin had stopped talking. He looked at her with a mix of resentment and resignation. Sarah took his hand and squeezed it. She wanted to ask him to be patient, but she couldn't. She didn't feel like she had the right to.
Ding. The signal of the elevator cut into the silence between them.
"Finally!" Sarah let out a sigh of relief as the doors slid open. But it did not bring her the longed-for salvation. Instead, a wave of hot air, loud music, cigarette smoke, and murmurs swept in, catching her off guard and completely obliterated the last shred of self-control she had been clinging to.
Sarah pressed herself into the corner of the elevator that had instantly turned from prison to refuge.
Martin grabbed her wrist. His face was angry as he dragged her along. "What the hell is wrong with you today?" he said once more, shaking his head.
The moment they were out of the elevator Sarah tore herself away from him. She couldn't stay here. She had to get out. She pushed her way through a group of people towards the stairway entrance. She opened the door and ran down the steps. On her way down she could hear Martin calling out, but he didn’t run after her. It was a long way down, but she didn’t stop once. She couldn’t.
Finally out of the building was she able to catch her breath. Sarah watched it condensing into fleeting clouds of white vapor in the ice-cold air for a minute. Her feet hurt, but she pressed on.
Her heels clacked in rapid succession as she hurried over the cobblestone mural in front of the building to get to the parking lot. Her anxiety had not let up. Still wheezing, she rummaged nervously in her purse for the keys. Her hand trembled and she scraped the key across the paint around the lock before finally finding her way into the keyhole.
The inside of the car was still warm, the windows not yet frozen over. She had just parked it a few minutes ago to meet up with Martin. She was now glad they hadn’t arrived together.
Sarah drove off without looking back; she knew Martin had not come after her.
Sarah neither noticed the bollard she grazed with her rear as she pulled out of the parking lot, nor did she pay attention to the red lights she ran on her way out of town.
She didn’t even know where she was going right now, but deep inside she realized it was not the elevator that had scared her, nor the party.
Away! She just needed to get away. Away from what? She didn’t know.
Eventually she managed to calm down and as awareness slowly reclaimed its rightful place in Sarah's mind. She found herself speeding down an empty back road outside of town. Fields with crops to the left while the trees raced past her on the right side made Sarah realize she was driving way too fast.
The very moment she became aware of this, it happened.
Out of the forest deer jumped onto the road. Not just one or two. Dozens crossed the roadway at once. Fifty yards ahead, she could still make out more of them, leaping with long strides out of the woods on her right, only to disappear immediately into the cornfield on the other side with Sarah right in the middle of them.
Before she could even hit the brakes, she felt an impact. One of the deer must have jumped against the side of the car. Immediately, the body of another one hit her windshield. Glass shattered and a glass spider web blocked her sight.
Sarah felt the steering wheel slip under her hands as the car went off the road.
She was thrown around in her seat and a white explosion in front of her eyes was the last thing she saw before she lost consciousness again.
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When Sarah came to, it took a while before she felt pain and even longer before she could assign it to specific regions of her body. She was cold and something was dripping down her forehead.
It was blood. Looking in the rear-view mirror, she saw it oozing out from somewhere above her hairline.
Sarah pushed the car door open but remained in her seat.
At least one of the headlights still worked, barely illuminating the dreary scene.
A fine drizzle of cold rain fell through the cone of light, and she noticed the injured deer immediately. One was lying on its side with its legs twitching. Two others lay motionless.
"Help!" the words flashed through her mind. "I need to get help."
She forced her aching body forward to pick up her purse.
As she dug out her cell phone, a sharp pain made her realize she must have broken the thumb on her right hand.
She wore a ring on it that Martin had bought her. A plain silver ring with an engraved pattern. It had not fit on any other finger when he gave it to her. At the time, she had thought it romantic.
Immediately she was overwhelmed by emotions and began to cry. Why? Why did she have to think about it just now? Why hadn't she been able to control herself? Her irrational behaviour had finally destroyed her life.
Eventually she remembered to call emergency services. While waiting for the connection, she looked at the deer still twitching in the cold rain. Sarah blamed herself for the animal's suffering and turned away so she wouldn’t have to watch it any longer.
"At this time, we are unfortunately unable to put your call through. All lines are busy.Please try again in a few minutes. At this time..."
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Sarah called again and again but didn’t get through. She tried to call Martin and then Sabine. Even her parents, who lived in another city. But she couldn't get through to anyone. She began crying and threw the cell phone out into the darkness at the destroyed side of the car. How the hell could all the lines be busy at this hour?260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3v5QWkRuo6
Sarah sobbed quietly and wished the deer would finally stop twitching. "I'm sorry," she said again and again.
She was still sitting in the car with her seat belt fastened. If she had gotten out, she would have to check on the deer, and she didn't want to do that. She was scared to face what she had done. She would rather sit and wait for help.
If only she could reach someone!
Without thinking about it, she turned on the radio. Only when she heard the voice of an announcer did she become aware of her action and the fact it was still working.
It was a traffic announcement. The voice was warning nighttime motorists on rural roads and highways. Apparently there had been accidents involving wildlife throughout the county. Thirty-five of them in the last hour, overwhelming the emergency services. What was going on? Was this why all the lines were busy?
Sarah realized she couldn't count on help arriving any time soon. Now she no longer had any excuse to stay in the car. She had to pull herself together and get out.
She released her seat belt, turned sideways and swung her legs out of the car. She felt a sharp pain in her left knee as she tried to stand up.
Holding on to the outside, she limped to the back of the car. She had crashed sideways into a utility pole that was now leaning at an angle against the roof, held upright only by the cables it was designed to support.
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The trunk had popped open. It was empty except for atire wrench. Sarah looked at the deer. It was still twitching. Was this a sign? She knew what had to be done and she was the only person present. Would she be able to? She picked up the wrench and limped toward the injured animal.
Its belly was slashed open with blood and intestines oozing out. Staring at her with open eyes, the deer raised its head and tried to get up. How could an animal endure such pain without making a sound?
Sarah turned away with tears in her eyes. Behind her was the brightly lit skyline of the city. She looked for the towering office building where Martin was at a party, celebrating his promotion.
"My deer," he used to say when she was scared and anxious. She hated that stupid pun and that he felt the need to explain it to her every time.
Yet, Sarah still wished she had been able to stay with him.
Everything she had done tonight was wrong. Nothing but useless, irrational emotions had gotten her into this mess.
She felt the fact that she was alive was more of a punishment than a blessing. It forced her to face how irresponsible and dangerous she had behaved.
What was going on tonight? With her and with all the animals?
Sarah wished Martin would come. Without him she was nothing. She was not even able to put this poor deer out of its misery. She turned around again and tried to be brave. It had to be done.
Sarah decided this would be her test. A test that would determine if she was ready to take control of her life. Too many times before, similar outbursts had destroyed her relationships. Sarah had doubted her sanity for some time and now she seemed to have received confirmation. What was left for her if she was unable to control herself? If she couldn't control her emotions now, was there any point in going on living? Only if she overcame herself to do what was necessary, she would be able to return. If she managed to put this animal to rest, then she could also conquer her emotions and reconcile with Martin.
Slowly she raised the bolt wrench above her head. Her hand was shaking.
"Now,... Do it,... Do it now!" she kept telling herself with tears rolling down her face.
Suddenly, the ground beneath her trembled. Sarah cried out and lost her footing. She fell backwards. The pole hanging above her swayed back and forth precariously for a moment, then the cables finally snapped and it crushed the car completely. The top of the mast narrowly missed Sarah and hit the deer at her feet.
The violent tremors continued, and she heard the sounds of bursting wood from inside the forest. Further ahead, whole trees crashed onto the road.
All these deer must have been alerted by the coming earthquake. Sarah realized she must have sensed it as well. This was what drove her out of the city like a deer out of the woods. Her anxiety was not a debilitating weakness; it was a survival mechanism.
But wasn’t there something else? Something about earthquakes? Something recent? She thought someone had been talking about them. She tried to remember. Yes, it was Martin, in the elevator.
He told her there had not been an earthquake in hundreds of years around here.
He had talked about how they were able to undercut competition prices on the contracts for the building by foregoing outdated earthquake safety codes due to a loophole he had found. He had been so proud of himself.
As the tremors subsided, the thunder of a collapsing skyscraper reached Sarah’s ears.
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