!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!SUICIDE, ED, CUTTING, MENTAL INSTITUTES, PANIC, ANGER/RAGE, DYSMORPHIA, DYSPHORIA, ABUSE!!!
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Do you ever feel like you just want to go home, but oh wait, your home is not home because you are getting abused but then you go to a mental hospital so you can get away but then they transfer you to a long-term place, miles away from your living area and so you go there get admitted and go long-term and then for the first 2 months you're like "oh yea this place is way better than my living area" but then after your 2 and a half month mark you bawl your eyes out every single god damn night because you want to go home so you try not to make noise by covering your mouth so no one else on your unit hears you and so none of the staff hear you and then you get fake nails on a trip where you go home and out of the hospital for a few hours and then they fucking get mad at you after they said it was ok and so then your mom pulls you AMA (against medical advice) and so then you get so happy but after a couple of days you get so pissed and you feel everything again but way worse and so then you kinda go through your grandmas phone even though your not supposed to and find out that shes taking you to court Nov. 22 which is 12 days after your damn birthday and so then you get genuinely excited because you know if she starts to lie then to say everything and get her fucking ass thrown into jail and make sure that she will never have custody of any kids ever again but at the same time your terrified you wont get your damn justice and that your scared they will throw you into JDC and you wont be there to protect your sister?
This isn't even half. Let me get started on dysmorphia and dysphoria.
Holy shit, my fucking stomach oh my fuckin god, I'm going to rip out all of my organs and burn them. Why am I so fat? Jesus Christ, I looked up my BMI and it says I'm OBESE. Fucking hell. Why do I have to be me? I'm about to stop eating altogether. I looked up what happens if you stop eating for 3 days, and it says you'll lose 2-4 pounds. I'm going to eat every 3 days. I'm scared Gabe, (for those who don't know, they are my partner) will notice. But if he sees me eating now and then, he won't worry, right? But I'm not packing a lunch or going through the lunch line. What if I drop my food and make a fool of myself or people start watching me eat? He offers me food now and then, to make sure I'm okay. I've said no before but if I say no every day cause I don't feel like eating at school, he's gonna catch on that I have an eating disorder. God, I hate this so much.246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5j5lxln1m
That's not half of my dysphoria, dysmorphia, or panic.
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I hate myself. I might start cutting again. </3
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