An outside viewer would see anger in Porsche’s face, resentment even, when he pulls back from Kinn’s sudden kiss. The truth is Porsche is angry, but not so much at Kinn as at himself. And what he feels is resignation.
Porsche knows, standing on the rooftop of Kinn’s tall building in Bangkok, that he is powerless. The feelings he has are so deep it will take more than being handcuffed and thrown into a jail cell to be able to break free from Kinn.
It doesn't matter much that it is Kinn who threw him into jail. And Kinn has a point when he says he let himself be fooled. Vegas is a well-known family-enemy to Kinn, and it was stupid, reckless, to trust Vegas instead of him. He should have waited for Kinn to explain the situation, instead of running away.
Porsche grabs Kinn's collar and kisses him again, hard and stern. He wraps his arms around Kinn’s slender waist because it gives him relief from the hurt and the pain. Because the pull towards Kinn is relentless. Even in the daytime air, the musk of Kinn’s body makes Porsche’s heart beat, a thump-tha-thump-tha-thump that sends burning shivers across his chest.
Porsche has never been with a man before Kinn, never considered it, but Kinn’s different from anyone else. Full of contradictions, equally dangerous as loving with a disarming smile.
When Kinn pulls back and grabs his hand, Porsche melts into the touch.
Kinn’s heart is wide open for him, Porsche knows as he watches Kinn stroke his wrist with his thumb. Porsche is aware of what a precious gift this is, considering Kinn´s experiences of loneliness and betrayal. The price of being born into a mafia family is grand.
Kinn smiles, eyes reflecting both happiness and sadness. Porsche understands the happiness coming from finally starting to mend what was broken. He knows the sadness derives from Kinn’s unwillingness to hurt him and the self-loath because yet he did.
Kinn tugs his hand and Porsche follows across the rooftop.
***
They had met no one on their stroll to Kinn’s bedroom and Kinn never let go of his hand. Even now, standing opposite to each other, Porsche leaning towards the bedroom wall, the hand is still in his.
Porsche has served as Kinn’s bodyguard for a while, he knows the house and Kinn's luxurious bedroom. Kinn’s bed is huge and comfortable with Egyptian cotton linen.
They’ve had sex in Kinn’s bed, kissed and had sex again. Afterwards Porsche has slept in it, wrapped in Kinn’s arms. It was amazing and fun and wild, and it made Porsche feel things he never felt before.
Today is something else though, Porsche knows this looking into Kinn’s eyes. This is a reflection of both of their needs, a must to be able to go forward together.
“I’m so sorry, Porsche” Kinn says. “Please let me make it up to you?”
There's a pleading in Kinn´s voice, a harsh cracking that makes Porsche feel like he breaks, and he slumps back against the wall.
“Can I touch you?” Kinn asks, stepping so close there is no air left between them. Kinn´s eyes lock to his for permission.
Porsche shivers, breathing already erratic when he nods almost unnoticeable.
Kinn’s expression is serious, and when he strokes his gentle fingers over Porsche’s cheek, Porsche leans into the touch.
“I want to kiss you” Kinn whispers, closing the gap between their mouths.
Porsche opens his mouth, almost biting into Kinn’s. Plush lips and a wet tongue softly moving against his.
A surge emerges in Porsche's body, a fast moving tornado showing up in the pit of his stomach and spinning in every direction. Kinn has a way of kissing that makes Porsche feel like he can't get enough.
This kind of kissing alone is a new experience for Porsche. Before he met Kinn he kissed drunk girls behind the bar where he works as a bartender. It was fast and full of pretended gasps.
With Kinn everything is real.
“You’re going to destroy me” Porsche pants while coming up for air.
He means it. Kinn does have that power over him. The fear the thought brought must be visible in his face, his heart beating even faster behind his ribs.
“No, Porsche, I´m going to love you” Kinn says, stroking a lock of hair behind his ear, eyes radiating warmth.
ns 18.68.41.175da2
