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「錯過了的十七歲，重返就沒有遺憾幺？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOqsyVw0kJ
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二零二一年，孟冬。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMLSwBf6Rn
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冬日的暖陽是蒼空收藏已久的奢侈品，像一顆晶瑩剔透的黃寶石，美化了冬風的猖狂與凜冽。月台邊形形色色的旅客熙來攘往，火車鳴笛，伴隨著沒有溫度的廣播。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYruBT93w6
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我踏上了返鄉列車。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1jP6IiyZG
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回家的路對於在外打拼的青年來說是令人感動的， 但對於我來說其實還挺感傷，我懷念家門前的小白花，中學操場上的紅土，公園小溪裡的錦鯉，還有與我相視而笑的少年。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGwhO2db73
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但是每每想起，要把那段傷心往事再走一遍。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHbX4UHHse
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外頭的景色隨車廂行駛裁剪成數幀快速飛逝的剪影，我盯著窗外發呆，沒注意到有人在我身旁的位子坐下。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgPFOXefks
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「墨染？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjS3dA3S7jd
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玻璃窗的反射映出他的輪廓有些模糊，我晃眼過去，對於他的意外出現很是驚訝。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJZsGMDGOk
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「好久不見，很巧啊。你也要回家嗎？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGQJzDpYvx
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQGD90Zotl
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他笑得雲淡風輕，彷彿我們分開的日子只有四天而不是四年，彷彿高中消磨的歲月不過是浮光掠影。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXc1mr0cmC
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「嗯。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡch8FFICLSR
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他有種說不上的改變，不是面容上，而是神態上的改變。那讓我有些不知所措的安心，望進他的深邃的眼就像撥開記憶湖面上紛繁的落葉，我還是無法忘卻令我傷心欲絕的少年。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1nHvYkun4
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二零一七年，仲秋234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjdIkxw84R
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人們總說青春是人生中最難忘的年華，十七歲的我們卻被埋在考卷堆裡，日復一日重複著同樣的生活。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHhiPeVH8r
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墨染是無聊校園生活裡唯一的光，他笑起來像秋風一樣爽朗而舒適，說話時如同夕陽餘暉般迷人。我一直暗戀著他，上課的樂趣就是偷看他寫筆記的樣子，犯睏的樣子，和朋友聊天的樣子，打球的樣子，我幾乎把青春全部的目光都留給了他。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpmMyyGMdy
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真正熟識的契機是期中後換位子，他成為我的同桌，墨染像一般高中男生一樣會幼稚地捉弄我， 惹怒我，我卻不覺得討厭，可能戀愛的時候他不管做什麼我都喜歡吧。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImEAaaLfhe
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每當他又讓我氣想揍他兩拳時，他總會把臉凑近，伸手揉揉我的頭，漾起爽朗笑意。原本停在空中的手就會瞬間失去力氣，臉頰不受控地泛起紅暈，羞澀地撇開視線。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09PjQTolJT
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有一次我數學考試不合格被老師留下來補考，回過神來發現教室只剩我隻身一人。天色已晚，黑漆漆的走廊陰森得嚇人，我僵在位子上不敢亂動，走也不是，留也不是，急得快要哭出來。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMaek7R2we
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「傻瓜，怕黑還不快走。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKRFuEHrfD
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聽見少年的聲音如同救贖，墨染插著口袋站在門前，走進來拎起我的書包，牽住我的手，一言不發地拉著我往外走。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymmpHOqqC8
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霎那間心跳整個亂了節奏，我看見他背後衣領上露出的一小截後頸染成粉色，差點忍不住想上前擁抱他的衝動。那是第一次的皮膚接觸，就算彼此體溫都熱得發燙也捨不得鬆開。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6f9shVfDbT
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「你怎麼還在學校？偷偷等我喔？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1FpfSI8oC
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLaYBeuO3j
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暗黃街燈下把我們的影子拉得斜長，他的制服外套批在我身上，薄薄一件卻讓我全身充滿暖流般溫暖。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7m64tRosX
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我們肩並肩，輕輕試探。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNkwbQoTQS
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「小自戀，我只是練球練比較晚而已。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilojU729Pn
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡau98ZN6hJ2
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他開玩笑地把書包丢給我，露出嫌棄的表情。街燈下，我分明看見，他微紅的耳廓，與淺藏不住的笑意。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo11IVzl8dC
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那天以後，就算沒有補考，他也依舊在校門口等我一起回家。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rnv4KMEW5
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我其實不太清楚曖昧的確切時間，那一陣子，就算換了位置也不影響彼此的喜歡，回家後無論大小事都會傳訊息分享給彼此，講電話講到手機發燙是家常便飯。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMPALZZJUy
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我們會在操場上的梧桐樹下偷偷牽手，公園裏約會，家門前依依不捨的分別。那幾個月就像是我生命之河裡的金沙帶，幸福得難以忘懷。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RBHsj0m7n
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「欸，剛剛隔壁班男生跟我要電話。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuADZt9jUkK
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「你給他啊，幹嘛跟我說？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQdNDdbi3z
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「你都不會吃醋一下喔？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcvk4my39o
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「我們又沒在一起，幹嘛吃醋？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FfAXqekOq
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本來只是無聊的日常對話，我卻對他沒所謂的態度感到不滿，雖然知道他是無心的，但在感情裡人總是會把一些小事無限放大，誤解後陷進自己的胡思亂想。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6mnTwG39h
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十七歲第一次談戀愛的我哪懂這些呢？我只是要他霸氣地搶過手機，把那人的號碼刪除，滿足我貪婪的虛榮心。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqx6Q4iSVAq
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為了賭氣，我故意不主動傳訊息，他打電話給我也不接，直到隔天早上，好像這樣就能讓自己好過一點。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ErQUtQ4q5
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那時我還不知道，那通電話是我後悔一輩子也無法接起的遺憾，是青春急轉直下的催淚點。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXkK6YLyfd
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那天以後，我們傳訊息的頻率變少了，連電話也不太講，一開始以為他只是找了打工太忙碌而沒有時間，後來發現他在學校也有意無意的避開我，讓我有些不安。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVfKOVoqTc
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其他人打趣的問起我們什麼時候要交往的時候，我只是笑笑帶過，一邊觀察著他的反應。墨染也淺淺的笑了，我卻分不清他是因為覺得害羞而難為情而笑的，還是只是因為那句話很可笑所以笑的。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdtRR6XkBr
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「你還好嗎？感覺我們好久沒說話了。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6l2bO2HVQ
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「沒事啊。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbOv6HpTr0
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「你確定嗎？如果你不開心真的不要憋在心裡，什麼都可以跟我說。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQGcDqBDjc
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「真的啦，我沒事，不用擔心。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaOGEFHV8r
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這是我們聊天紀錄裡最後的對話紀錄，不知何時開始，我和他講話變得小心翼翼，害怕他看我的眼神，有時他對我說話的語氣冷漠使我顫抖，又會在我快掉落懸崖的時候牽起我的手，把我拉回來。這樣曖昧不明的關係使我失去安全感，從前喜歡的那個美好少年，如今只能從記憶庫裡尋找有他的畫面，靠著曾經的回憶才能繼續喜歡著他。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96HNYpOmRK
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我知道，再這樣拖下去我們遲早會走散，於是我下定決心，在他生日當天跟他表白。由於他說他那天要打工，沒有過生日的打算，所以我策劃了一場驚喜給他，除了研究很久終於出來的手工蛋糕，還有精心準備的生日禮物，只要我別把告白搞砸，我相信這絕對是一場難忘的回憶。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrJ5ScoUki
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晚上十點，在墨染下班之際，我早早備好蛋糕與禮物，藏在他家門口的轉角。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDddiKBidks
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聽見腳步聲漸漸靠近，我輕輕探頭，深怕他會提前發現我，卻看見另一個女生走在他身邊。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneXRrjZ3Ob
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他們停在街燈下，太遠的距離使我聽不見他們的對話。我安慰著自己，那只是正好順路的朋友或同事罷了，沒什麼大不了的，沒什麼。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KUM4TB9gM
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當燈光閃爍的霎那，還來不及說服自己，我卻看見女孩墊起腳尖，吻上墨染的唇。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBNPUkikjz
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那瞬間，手中的蛋糕隨著眼淚滑落到地上，彷彿世界上所有的痛都朝我襲來。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0l1VqWDyw
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我看不下去，我怕我再多待一秒就會死，偏偏腳使不出力道，只好緊緊閉上眼睛。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuPV3oEMS9
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOB9tDsMqh
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfWbETOV9u
或許是本能驅使我遠離可能危害生命的地方，我是無意識地自己走回家，像靈魂出竅一樣。手機在口袋裡響個不停，連關掉的力氣都沒有。好吵，腦袋裡的聲音快要衝破耳膜，像要將我吞入萬劫不復的 悲傷當中，我的眼睛仍在發燒。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSmfESGN9m
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZimaWUIt1
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniDq7Q9uIv
那是第一次感受到絕望，痛苦、心碎同時發生。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRTMCRUsrX
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYweRuYUtWC
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCJtmZC9Ck
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234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknNFq4SfW0
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMNxxhUn8O
那天以後我就沒見過墨染了，每天被低氣壓籠罩著，眼睛像是開關壞掉的水龍頭，總是沒來由地哭。我的家人不知道我發生什麼事，只知道我不想去學校，因此幫我辦了轉學。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoBkPKyJrp
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8k2CgIB5B
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AeO53nCvd
失戀這件事對別人來說可能是件無傷大雅的小事， 但對我來說卻是至今無法忘懷的沈痛。那一段日子裡我幾乎是掏出全部的自己去愛他，所以失去時才會如此痛徹心扉。四年過去了，回憶經過時間的療傷漸漸淡化，我依然無法走出來，只好把他藏進潘朵拉的盒子裡，只要不打開，就不會嚐到熏眼的刺痛。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliB26Q3sQu
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq42ZCVCMEq
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmaVPPtzguF
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtbUIhxAkr
-234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAi5wBYYme
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTrq55g19C
回到二零二一年，火車駛進隧道，連同彼此的寂靜無聲駛進深處，我們沒有向彼此搭話，我知道不管說什麼都不合適，我們注定無法再有任何交集。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwaJ0Aj06J
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNBVZlDM3S
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuIGvjs47i
「對不起。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMLHwf2uCT
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuLxuootBS
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzanTYqHElM
他還是說了，那句老套卻必要的道歉。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yFm90pa15
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pfy0drZ3R
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpFYSWYd6L
其實我們都不能怪罪誰，只怪那時候的自己太年輕，不知道該怎麼留住對方，使彼此的距離漸行漸遠。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFmj60aUiK
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmG4nAKDlcj
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIsORNZc5s
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBI0ZGQNVkP
-234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvKTkbldQW
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVcnIQvOzg
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeAonrhIJs
我沒有接起的那通電話，是他被媽媽徹底拋棄的那一晚。他是個缺愛的小孩，活在只有父母爭吵的童年裡，失去該有的疼愛，長大後再怎麼填也填不滿。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Qvi98Mvr7
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjc6tFt3UU5
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgeomjezUt
那晚他媽媽受不了經濟壓力要將他棄養，童年的創傷被再次挖開，我卻因為賭氣卻忽略了他忽需安慰的缺口。那時候他便不再相信我的愛，把重心移轉到另一個同桌的女同學，試著讓她愛上自己。他的確成功了，所以生日那天她才會情不自禁親吻他。當他發現他想要的不是這種愛時，已經太遲了，我走了，那些傳不出去的訊息在對話框裡像他填不滿的孤寂，無處安放的空虛至今依然塵埃未定。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJ9j1MXstJ
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzJUEkk7iJ
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoqOnUdXhL
這些遭遇我後來都知道了，那又如何呢？傷害已經造成，我們只是在同個曖昧不明的地方交匯，到了夜晚還是個自墮落。要是那天我有接起他的電話，要是那時他誠實一點，向我說出心裡話，我們的結局是否會不一樣？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeT3rNGPxNt
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLT0UxBCa3
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutzSTmv4Sp
我永遠不會知道，但我清楚明白我們已經不是那個 能夠用全力去愛，單純又青春的十七歲的自己了。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡychiahfUDa
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNLb1UV4PG
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-234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqF0w2v97L8
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「沒事，以前的事就讓它過去吧。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXx28dD1uGw
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbp2GT2Db67
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWSys9XqTJ
我只敢透過玻璃折射看他的眼睛，我怕我又不小心跌進回憶裡。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKU38Fdzt9D
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpo4I4L1kTr
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGyreeIE0N
「我知道我這樣很自私，但這四年以來，我沒有一刻忘記妳，只有妳的愛能滋潤我的悲傷，我需要妳。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxh42ngfwlC
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJzmj1nEoN
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SkOEbNJx3
我又何嘗不是呢？也只有他能讓我傷心絕透。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcuz11tq5S
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRvPNwpH0T
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSF9G9kXrCJ
他見我低下頭不語，便試著牽起我的手，把他的手覆在我之上。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOubE72QZD
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZRVnCCs3T
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTembJbXOZM
「我知道我給過妳傷害，我理解你不想與我有任何交集，但這四年我改變了，如果妳願意再給我一次機會，我會好好愛你。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yJ7NRDxDY
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrt5roOSwGc
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79XqmvgbTR
「我們……還有機會從來嗎？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuvm8lYdBB
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1m2Gt79j0r
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我抽開他覆上的手。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gdOLqJFc0
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKz1qmxkMV
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD27RCCI6Zg
「夠了，墨染，我們已經錯過了。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4m0nwSLMlA
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHXeSwdrEi
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOrNcQlRqn
抬起頭的瞬間，我知道我的水龍頭又壞了。他看見我佈滿血絲的雙眼，有些詫異。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCpeyjry5o
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQha0jZnMH
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWagatBPGDE
「你知道嗎，命運在一生中只有一次義無反顧的機會，四年前我們就已經錯過了。我們早就失去能夠為愛叛逆的勇氣，再回頭剩下的只有狼狽。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34uIsuO68n
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBr4ekxrd96
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmhNbQ4jPG
「離開你的一分一秒對我來說都是殘酷至極的折磨，我害怕再回到我們居住過的城市，害怕觸景傷情，害怕又夢見你。我知道，重新擁有過後，我也只會害怕再次失去的痛苦，終日活在不安裡。最好的結局，就是放過彼此，過好自己的生活。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqkEDbXXR3
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIIg1JPsGk
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqNJPEVzGy
「我們都別再浪費彼此的時間好嗎？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqTyRsMNqo
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZN6gNiEfW
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他沉默，終點站即將到達。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOhfXW87Ak
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZsw1o8iDH
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0t137RNbH
下車時，我向他禮貌性的點頭道別，他也向我點頭，眼裡盛滿了十七歲那年的濃濃秋意。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCvzUUFlr5
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsr6O1FAvwm
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfyAkclXlT
我們都帶著寂寞和遺憾走下不再回頭的列車，終將背朝著彼此，向回憶告別，邁向新的旅程。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38PRpvvkn4
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6neBTtGi3y
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8enqfbBAso
「這輩子就陪你到這了。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsP2c561dwV
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvJ89JSoxj
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDxPjMePoJ
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