“Палл, Микк, Рогг”
or
“The 3 Stages of a Failure”
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[Bench somewhere. 3 spots from left to right: 1, 2, 3. Pall sleeping, slumped forward at 1. Mikk seated at 2, slumped back. Rogg at 3, leaning forward, looking into shopping bag. Energy is at a 1. 10 seconds. A whistle is heard. Energy is at a 10. Rogg frantically looks through bag, Mikk anxiously relaxed, rocks back and forth, twitching, Pall snores furiously. 10 seconds. Another whistle. Energy goes back to before. 10 seconds.]
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Mikk: Rotten auld day. Ha! And a rotten bitch you are to be with me. Why d’you be with me at all? What are you looking for at all? (pause) anyways, nothing to do now, shitcock day! But you always knows it’s I knows best. Nothing to do, ha! You might be off doing something, if not for me, ha! Something, someone, ha! (pause) Look at the town now, all them ugly fuckers, (out) you looking at me, fuckhead? Well, I look at you too. Auld cunt. (at Pall) too many ones at the pub, eh? How are we, buddy? Ha?
[Rogg sits up from her shopping bag and sits back.]
Rogg: Do you ever shut up?
Mikk: Did you find anything?
Rogg: Did I find anything?
Mikk: In your shopping?
Rogg: Not a thing, you?
Mikk: Too busy to look.
Rogg: What’s he been up to at all.
Mikk: I was off, monologuing.
Rogg: Not you, him, (gesture at Pall) what is he at all?
Mikk: A whole lot of interest in this one...are you cheeking on me is that it is that it?
Rogg: Ah shut up. Who were you monologuing for?
Mikk: Crowd across river.
Rogg: From the Opera House.
Mikk: Oh! Always wanted to do Opera. (Does opera, poorly)
[Pall stirs. Wakes, but pretends to be asleep.]
Rogg: Do you ever shut up? Make me want to go deaf.
[Mikk lies back and hums to herself. Pall takes this as their cue to sit up. They are unable to make direct eye contact with Rogg.]
Pall: Does he love you?
Rogg: No. And I don’t him either.
Pall: Then why go on?
Rogg: Are you a whore?
Pall: What day is it?
Rogg: What matter?
Pall: I consider myself a whore on Holy Days. (pause) Why do you ask?
Rogg: Look like one.
Pall: Ah...
[silence. 10 seconds. A whistle. Energy shoots back up to 10. Rogg frantically rummaging through her bag, Mikk flinching, twitching and kicking, never comfortable. Pall’s eyes slowly rise to gaze straight on at Rogg, cunning expression, they are completely still other than this. 10 seconds. Another whistle. Back to a 1, Pall’s eyes drop, though the cunning remains. 10 seconds, then:]
Pall: Are you looking for a hit?
Rogg: Are you a dealer?
Pall: What day is it?
Rogg: Everyday.
Pall: Let me check my ‘calendar’.
[Rogg vigorously checks her bag again. Pall addresses the crowd:]
Pall: I consider myself a hopeless addict, a beggar, a base, a bastard. My longing causes issues in the liver, but I refuse help. It’s not that I don’t believe in medicine, I just can’t be bothered. I consider myself a scum, a rat, a leech. I will ruin everyone I love. I have read Shakespeare, Dante and Milton. I am a whore, and I am a scholar. (They reach into their pocket and produce a party streamer. Both Mikk and Rogg lean forward attentively.) Come here my lovely, my chyelka, come get your sweet sweet taste.
[Rogg snatches up the streamer, looks at it wondrously. A moment later, Mikk swipes at her, misses, and hits herself. Rogg leans away, examining the streamer, Mikk meanwhile looks sternly at Pall. Stares. 10 seconds. A whistle. Cue music **see note below** Mikk and Pall shoot up in front of bench, macho-a-macho standoff, squaring up, grunting, snorting. 10 seconds. Music cuts. Freezeframe. 5 seconds. Another whistle. Sit back down, resume.]
Mikk: Who the fuck are you?
Pall: Who the fuck am I?
Mikk: Who the fuck are you?
Pall: Your new dealer.
Mikk: We don’t need another dealer. I’m the only dealer.
Pall: What do you deal?
Mikk: None your fucking business! Ha! None of it!
Pall: You’re old news. The Opera House will never take you in. They only like my monologues!
Mikk: What do you monologue?
Pall: Wouldn’t you like to know?
Mikk: Ha! They’s empty. Empty, limpdick of a dealer! Ha!
Pall: I bet you don’t even know monologue.
[Mikk and Pall both resolve to monologue at the same time.]
Mikk: “A knave, a rascal,”
Pall: “...an eater of broken meats;”
Mikk: “...a base, proud, shallow,”
Pall: “...beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound,”
Mikk: “filthy worsted-stocking knave!”
Pall: “a lily-livered action-taking whoreson!
Mikk: “glass-gazing”
Pall: “super-serviceable”
Mikk: “finical-”
Pall: “Cunt!”
[Mikk suddenly rushes at Pall who jumps back. The two fall on the floor in a heap, leaving just Rogg as she was.]
Rogg: (dreamy, staring into streamer) I’m not stupid. Well, not that stupid. I do what I do and at least I exist. I want to be a star, but I never will amount to much. But there are moments when this doesn’t matter at all, and I can forget all that. (she giggles) Oh fuck’s sake... (laughs. Drains off.) I’m looking forward to being dead. I won’t have to live then, hm. I wonder who’ll come to the funeral? Mikk? If she’s still living, unless she’s hungover. Oh, but who would bury me anyway? (Laughs, emptily, 10 seconds, laugh becomes forced, continue 10 more seconds until whistle.)
[Rogg stops laughing. Sits upright neutral. Pall returns to Mikk’s space and Mikk returns to Pall’s space. Neutral postures all. 10 seconds after the last person sits down. Then another whistle. Resume previous postures. Energy is at 10 for the remainder of the performance.]
Rogg: Rogg!
[Rogg starts twitching as she brings the streamer to her lips. Mikk and Pall give full attention, bodies pulsating with excitement. Rogg twists like a snake until the streamer is in her mouth. Deep breath through the nostrils. Then out through the mouth, through the streamer. Almost-orgasmic reaction. Eyes rock up in sockets. She laughs, laughter turns into scream, the pulse is too much for her and she has a heart attack. Dies immediately. Rocks back into bench.]
Mikk: Mikk!
[Mikk doesn’t react to Rogg’s sudden death at all, only grabs the streamer and frantically wipes the germs from it. She then goes through the same motions as Rogg, though the streamer never touches her lips, instead make fist between streamer and lips, same inhale but exhale is shallower, she dies still all the same, falls back into Rogg’s dead arms.]
Pall: Pall!
[Pall picks out the streamer like it’s a piece of shit. Same build-up as the two others, but on putting streamer to their lips, feels nothing. Tries several more times, to no avail. Throws streamer away. Thinks again, picks it back up, puts it back into their pocket. On verge of tears, then, looking at two dead bodies, begins to laugh, falls into hysterical laughter, laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing. A whistle. Stops. 10 seconds of silence. End.]
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**music: https://youtu.be/l8wWa3O9cUo?si=F3s3H34ptovIiS-c ‘Rush’ - Seat Belts. First 10 seconds or so.**
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