When Emotions Run Too Deep
I used to think that life was hard and that the only way to end the misery was to just kick the bucket. It turns out that for me, I didn’t have that “someone” to talk to. I still don’t have that someone to talk to; maybe that’s why I thought of just writing it down.
You might be thinking, What about your friends ? Well, let's just say I can't bring my innermost self to be unfair to any of them. I simply prefer spending time finding ways I can be useful to all of them without being toxic. Let's just say it never hurts the receiver to busk in all the emitted joy rather than letting them sink into the abysmal dreads of life's curveballs.
The other thing is that I've noticed that I tend to feel emotions quite differently from the norm. To say it another way, when I'm happy, I’ll be feeling over and beyond euphoric, and when I'm sad, I’ll be down in the dumps, depressed, and melancholic. I've also noticed that when I'm in so much pain, my heart tends to hurt literally too.
One time in the past, when someone irritated me and made me angry, I exploded into a fit of rage, and I almost broke a big, hard dinner plate onto the top of their head.
The person did run away, but I was just too pissed off to let go at the time and chased after. But then the person hid away. Then, after a while, I was able to calm down. And miraculously, I was able to hug it out with the person.
People around me know me as an optimistic and quite happy person. I'm classified as an always-happy and fun-loving person. I just prefer not to be around people when I'm sad because I'm not interested in spreading misery around.
I don’t think people will feel comfortable hanging around someone who is always winning while at the same time being pessimistic. And besides, I think people deserve better, because when I'm happy, my happiness spreads to other people like wildfire, and people tend to enjoy themselves around me.
It's quite strange, though, how I'm able to make people laugh, even when sometimes I'm feeling blue on the inside. I have, on a few occasions, tried to be heard, but to no avail. I've simply learned to dial down by simply not saying anything, because it's not like when I'm talking, someone is being attentive anyway. Of course, it sucks, but who am I to interrupt anyone's peace of mind ?..133Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMI4iadrrEK
