[Rogg stands in a space of unknown proportions.] 121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhDZC2vHXO
Rogg: When there is no body left, no clues for a viewer, I must fill in the gaps between. To imagine no body now, is to live in sound alone. Not even being vibrations, just a request to be repeated. All nothing now. But it's not all that. Not yet. I get depressive so easy though so I should just forget all that. And now, what happens now? The skin dries. The blood drains. The eyes hang lower. My hair collects grease and oil from the fryers. Squeeze into uniform. Ordered a size lower than what I know to try and make me feel better. Feel sick from the pressure into the abdomen most evenings then. And nights then. Taking night shifts. Drunk teenagers flocking, stumbling, falling through door. Drunk can't see the face who you order from. Finger drunkenly rubs the menu, trying to locate something that hasn't been spent away. Wish I was as low as them. Night shifts mean less starers. Less watchers. Less eyes facing outwards, delving inwards. And here now with no body left. I pray for that day. Suck it all dry of its life, until just the idea of a person is left. I always thought I was just an idea. Maybe that's how I always will be...strangers on this road we are on. Drunks stumbling into my place of work. Two girls barely teenagers stumble in one night. Cans of red bull in hand. Nike caps and brown dyed hair. Stumble fall slurred words. Hated faces. Afford nothing, lob cans at me on way out. Then gone. Out into this world. Then stranger come in after them, smirking a smirked face. Slumps upto counter and puts on a Nike cap. Strands of long dyed brown drift down from bald head. Smirk, finger the cheapest meals on the menu. All scum and scum all. But in this moment I wish I was either. Either himself or the girls just gone out. Out into the night, this night. So desperate to have something felt. But the freedom to be horrid. To be disgusting, to be vulgar, how liberating that is. How all that shit is...urges return to me. My feet get so cold and I need to put them in the radiator just to bring them back to normal. They almost freeze now and I am back. Back into this world.
[Rogg takes a step forward.]
See me now. See me standing here. See me barely here now, what is this face? What are these limbs? Last night I almost caved again, last night I walked to the place where I could get my final fix, and I sat down on a curb and questioned choices. All of the many reasons which have brought me here to this place, point in time and I watched two drunk girlies across the street and saw in my shadow all of the answers. I hate myself. My hate can be attributed to no-one else but me. I am the sole reason for my mental downfall. It has nothing to do with my body or its place in the greater world. But the mind. Stop the mind, stop the badness. So I turned it all off. I have no longer a face. No longer a body. Just words now. Echoes of the girl who once was. And after that? After every echo has been absorbed by the greater cosmos? Then only silence remains.
[Rogg takes a step back.]121Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvBenVBVHN
