Euphoria101Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSWmqhz8hJ
I remember the days of pure euphoria, when I felt like I could take on anything life threw my way.
The days I enjoyed spending my time the most were the ones I spent in the arcades, playing dance dance revolution games, and taking virtually realistic car rides and motorbike rides.
I might have a little bit over the top enjoyed the shooting games, as the vibrations of the guns made me feel like I was part of that gory world.. (._. )
Nothing seemed to stand in my way, and I felt as if I could achieve anything.
And even though the sun rose and set for a new day, the times I spent at the arcades were as if time was standing there right next to me watching, as I enjoyed every magnitude of it.
But now, those memories seem so distant. I can't seem to conjure up the same feeling, no matter how hard I try. Most of the places I used to go to closed down... Even the ice skating ring, I used to spend my time at closed too.
It's like all the hopes and dreams of my youth have been replaced with a sense of emptiness. Yes.. Yes, I search like a mad man every single time I want to relive those moments at that point in time,.. But..
It just seems like I'm just going to wake up one day,.. and all those memories will just have vanished without leaving a trace..
I already know that the wheels of motion have already begun to turn for me,.. as most of my memories have begun to slip through my fingers like the sands of time..
Even the days when I was at my happiest feel so far away. I search, and I search, and I search even more, but..
I'm me.. At the beginning, it used to bother me not being able to come up with any good memories from my past, but then I thought to myself..
What if there weren't any to begin with ? What if all this time I was telling myself that they were good memories, when they weren't ?
Because to be frank,.. the whole docile thing might have started when I was even younger.. way younger..
Come to think of it.. I might have been an introvert kid all along..
What I get when I keep envisioning everything is how much.. How much I wanted to say something, and be heard, and be listened to.. All I ever wanted was a moment of anyone's time.. Anyone..
I guess I might have followed her lessons to the letter when she told me to always put everyone first, except me..
This is just...
I guess I've just realised why I felt like I was there, but wasn't..
I guess since I grew up with no life choices of my own.. I kind of went with everything that was required of me..
I thought that maybe, in doing so, I'd be quite considerate and not cause any trouble..
I guess even up until now I'm still doing it, I guess..'Writing and remembering about everything from my past is making my heart, chest, and throat hurt right now.. So I think that's enough for now.
It's fine.. I think.. I hope.. Idk.. Should it be ?
It's not that I regret growing up, but I can't help but think about the feeling that nothing could go wrong with anyone if it involved me as long as I followed the yellow brick road.
I'm still determined to make the most of this life, but it's hard to find the same sense of euphoria when I look back on my past though..
I can't seem to find those memories whenever I look anymore,.. and I've learned to live with that.. Maybe..
But I still carry the lessons I learned with me wherever I go.
I'm reminded of the power of optimism and resilience, and the importance of taking risks. 'Even if I know I might be the most pessimistic and fragile person I know.. Not that anyone would know that (..hiding everything kind of became my specialty, even if it ate at me.. bad..)
I may never be able to experience the same level of euphoria that I once felt, but.. whatever...101Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ951B969ab6
Indifference has become my way of life so much,.. that when I speak, I sound like a robot without those touchy feelings,.. whatever..
I know I'm supposed to react to situations as they occur, befitting of whatever or whomever they might require, but.. I kinda might have let so much slide that I don't know how to anymore..
It's like I feel like my care-mo-meter has just been constantly falling all my life..
So much that,.. it's nearly empty.. 'Of course, at one point I thought no one would notice, but,.. I guess some people might have noticed enough,.. that sometimes it just came up in conversations as ha-ha moments as they tried to point it out to me..
Life may not always be filled with kittens and rainbows, but I'm still able to enjoy the moments that come up time and time again, as I try to make it on this path humans call life, and try to make everything make sense.
I'll keep on trying.. Maybe.. I think.. I don't know.. 'Not that I care,... but at the same time, not that I don't want to care.. I guess what I'll really try to work on, is not letting the care-mo-meter pointy bar hit below the empty point, because I'll croak.. Probably from having done something ill-advised.. (> . <)101Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfv1Lyf9wr0
