The Labyrinth of the Mind137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUcHoXcBPn
The pale moonlight filters through the blinds, casting shadows in my dimly lit room. I toss and turn in bed right now, unable to quiet my racing thoughts. It's past midnight, but sleep evades me. It's no surprise to me right now that I don't even have a twinkle of a wink in my eyes.137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJegpoJ5fki
I am plagued by a melancholy that has seeped into my bones. The future looms ahead, vast and unknown, filling me with a nameless existential dread. Expectations weigh heavily on my shoulders, a pressure I'm not sure I can withstand. I feel lost and afraid, adrift in a sea of uncertainty.
With a sigh, I give up the pretence of sleep and rise from my bed. I make my way downstairs, the familiar creaks of the old steps offering scant comfort. In the kitchen, I pour myself a glass of water with unsteady hands, spilling a few drops onto the counter. I stare at the puddle, transfixed by the way the water catches and reflects the dim light.
A glance at the calendar on the wall fills my chest with lead as my heart aches, something I can’t control. The dates are circled in angry red, reminders of deadlines fast approaching.
All that red screaming at me—I too don’t know how to deal. I avert my eyes, not ready to face the truth of obligations left unfulfilled. The silence of the house echoes with the dread of broken promises and abandoned dreams.
Unable to stay still, I head out the back door into the night, thinking that maybe.. just maybe, I might be able to catch a breath. The air is cold and crisp, biting at my skin. I wrap my arms around myself, warding off the chill as I walk down the overgrown path, that trails into the overgrown forest.
The trail opens up at the edge of the forest with open arms, an inky sea of shadow under the sparse light of the moon and stars. I choose a trail at random, my feet carrying me deeper into the woods as my thoughts wander dark and dismal paths. My life stretches before me, a yawning void I don't know how to fill.
I feel adrift without direction, anchored only by the crushing weight of responsibilities that are too difficult to face. Expectations leading me forward, no say in anything whatsoever.
The trail narrows until I find myself surrounded by a dense forest. Wondering aimlessly has left me stranded on the same like what seemed like familiar ground. I try to find my way back to the main trail but only succeed in travelling deeper into the forest. I should have been paying close attention, even being lost in thought doesn’t begin to cover it.
At last, I stumble out of the trees and into a small clearing, bathed in the soft glow of moonlight. Exhausted, I let the ground catch me as I fall at the base of an ancient oak tree. I pull my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them in a facsimile of an embrace.
In the silver light, a sob arises in my throat, prickly and painful, at which I choke back, unwilling to give voice to the storm of screaming emotions inside. I feel lost in a sea of trees under an uncaring and unforgiving moon, as I’m deemed tiny and insignificant. The future looms, an unruly shadow filled with uncertainty. I don't know if I have the strength to face it, as no part of me gives any signal.
The moon slowly tracks across the night sky as I remain huddled at the base of the oak. My limbs grow stiff with cold, but I can't muster the will to rise. I seem to be stuck to the ground like the roots of the same tree I’m underneath. I remain still as a statue, frozen in place, as my mind turns over the same dark bismal thoughts that churn in a frenzy.
The first grey light of dawn finds me exhausted, my eyes showing signs of sleepless nights. I head back down the trail, stumbling often over roots and rocks as everything takes on a blurred, dreamlike quality. By the time I make my way down the trail, the sun has risen over the horizon, and its pale light doing little to lift the shadow from my soul.
In the days that follow, I go through the motions of living as if in a daze. I drift from task to task, unable to muster any real enthusiasm or drive. My usual haunts and routines bring me no joy. I withdraw into myself, embracing solitude as I grapple with the knowledge of expectations left unfulfilled. The future continues to loom, an ominous creature that leaves me paralyzed.
The passage of time does little to lift me out of this dreary state. I find myself wandering the forest trails over and over, losing myself to the darkness in the futile hope that I may also lose the melancholic thoughts that plague me. The gnarled branches of the ancient trees seem to clutch at me with a desperate strength as I pass, as if they alone understand the depth of my sorrow.
As I venture deeper and deeper into the woods than ever before, the trails grow perilously narrow, almost disappearing into the underbrush. Low hanging branches clutch onto me and leave me all scratched and bruised, as if the forest means to swallow me whole. I'm me after all, I too wouldn't blame it.
I stumble on, uncaring of the brambles that catch and tear at my skin. I'm all battered and bruised, a welcome distraction from the anguish in my mind.
At last I emerge in a small clearing, the trees thinning to reveal a night sky ablaze with stars. I tilt my head back, overcome by the sheer number of celestial lights winking down at me from the inky black void.
A strange sensation fills my chest, equal parts of both wonder and insignificance. Nothing could compare as to how my troubles feel small and petty under the indifferent gaze of the cosmos.
In this moment, I can breathe., as I allow the beauty of the stars to lift me out of myself, grateful for a reprieve from the lonely melancholy of my thoughts. It is still a mystery as to why the twinkling of stars in a clear and dark sky pacifies my soul.
Reality sets in as it knocks me right back down. I stumble on a root and fall forward. A sharp pain shoots through my chest, straight through to my heart, as if a spear has been hurled right through me. I should have been attentive to the turmoil within, alas it has seemingly caught me unawares.
Under the pale light of the moon, the trees seem to crowd in around me, with their gnarled branches and grasping claws torment.
My vision begins to dim. Each breath becomes a struggle until, at last, my heart falls still. The sea of stars winks out one by one until only darkness remains. My thoughts quiet, releasing me to float untethered from all that once weighed so heavily upon my fragile soul.
As the forest waves in uniformity to the midnight wind, a final thought trails my mind deep within to remind me to remember to at least shed tears for myself. Thus, as my tears grace the earth beneath me, I drift off into a forever unwavering slumber, as the moon hides its dimmed rays behind the dark grey clouds in the sky from me.137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzY0EuSk7Ok
