What is freedom? I have pondered the question over the past couple of weeks. I had felt so free before and now I was stuck in a body much too small for my beating heart and my lively soul. They need out of this prison cell. So what was freedom, and what did it feel like?
Was it the first raindrop of a storm, or the summer breeze cutting past the sun’s warmth. I guess it depended on who you are. I know myself down to the bone and all past the exterior is painful. I am very well capable of putting on a strong, stubborn face when someone mocks me, but inside another part of me shriveled up only to fall at my feet.
I remember the day my freedom stopped, and the pain and regret began. That day was filled with ‘if onlies’. If only I had been more careful, if only I watched who I trusted. If only I had refused.....
Funny thing is, that day wasn’t as far away as I thought. The days of torture made it feel like years yet in reality it has only been a couple of weeks.
Each day filled with choices and lost friends. I remember hanging out with my group of four friends but now all I do is stare and imagine the next insult to come.
They sit in the cafeteria, their laughter echoing off the walls a constant reminder of the ‘could haves’.
Sabrina, with her long blonde hair and perfect looks. She had been the glue to our relationship. Mending hearts and fixing fights, but now she let me drift out into this river of heart thrown away by their owners. The siblings Maya and Cleo, the only difference between them is their age and the length of their hair. Where Maya keeps hers shoulder length Cleo has shopped hers off into a cute little pixie cut. And finally Shane, my kindergarten crush, the boy with the smile and the warmth that filled every room.
I missed them, I would never let them know this but I missed every single bit of them. It hurt to watch them getting along without me and hurt even more when they laughed at me.
The next few seconds passed in a blur, I had been too preoccupied with with myself and my friends that I hadn’t seen the jock approaching from behind. He leaned over and tugged on my nose.
“Honk honk, Astrid, where did your red nose go?” I brushed him off, getting up off my seat in the cafeteria. I looked at him, it was none other than Tanner James, the quarterback. He had sharp features framed with his tousled brown hair. He wore his team jacket and looked, as always, like the arrogant imbecile that he was.685Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAuD4SREds
“I lost it, but thanks so much for finding it…Its okay though, you can keep it,” I smiled before walking off. My chest was tight and my eyes burned with tears. That mistake would bite me in the butt for the rest of my high school days.
My frame shook as I exited the cafeteria, as soon as the double doors swung shut I run.
I run away from the monsters and the truth that is my life. The darkness was dragging me down, lower and lower and I was now knee deep in sinking sand. I run like hell is on my heels. The tears tumble down my cheeks in large streams. My body shakes violently but I keep running.
Faster….faster…..faster……this has become my mantra since that night. Run faster, think faster, be better. I can do it, I can reach the stars and prove to them that I am more than what they have painted on my face.
I wasn’t always happy, jokes rarely came to me without force, this was not me. I am not a clown and my situation is not something to laugh at. It kills me to know that everyone is fine with this…..this lie that began with a party.
It began with a party and ended with me humiliated, and friendless.
But it will be okay, right? Isn't that what they tell the heartbroken girl on television to fix everything? Just another lie in a world filled with misguided trust and false hope.
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Okay so Chapter one is up! I hope you guys like it...if not then I will take it down and work on it........I am a young writer and would love it if you would tell me what you guys think! Please PM me with your advice or feel free to comment!!
Adieu!!!
-Hazel!!!
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