Hey God.
It’s me again. I know what people say. Some say I’m being stupid – that I should know better. That our lives will be an unbalanced scale, a yoke bound around each shoulders, weighing me down until all I see is the dirt beneath me. I know that they love me, that they care about my wellbeing and say these things to protect me.
But Lord.
A part of me, a part that holds me up when all I want to do is collapse in a heap says you're wrong. 705Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkQKEA21Ce
I don’t think justifying myself would really help anyway. Saying stuff like “but I love him!” or “he understands me” wouldn't really cut it. I’m not Arial begging King Triton to see her way.
But Christianity is more than rules, more than an ideal and lifestyle to shove up people’s noses, daring them to find a speck of dust amongst the china. It’s who I am. I don’t love him because I like hurting myself or others. I’m not with him because I enjoy messing with their heads or wave spite about like a flag. Christ is who guides me forwards, blots out my shame, makes me love people that no one ever thought to.
Christians are people who believe that through Christ we are saved. When did that become “people who hide away in stain glass buildings and judge each other based off how much worse you are then me.” Because if that’s what people think, Father, it’s simply not true. Christians are people who follow the bible’s teachings, who love each other – and other’s. Who love people, cares for the world around them. Love means relationships, it means forming bonds, it means looking out beyond your own sphere of understanding to build a bridge to each other.
Not white impenetrable walls. If I ran my fingers cross it, would it come off like chalk?
Then why God, why do we forget that? Why do we show off our china but never use it? Is my faith kept in a glass cabinet to show off, a part of me, but not used? Why are we so focused on parts of a whole, why do we preach and teach without willingness to love and care for the people we impart our understandings? Our hopes, our dreams, our loves. Our desires, empathy, kindness and laughter. Did your disciples not sing in their jails? Did they not walk amongst crowds talking and caring for those who come onto the path?
We are so busy spouting bible verses that we forget to study them. Or studying them and then not reaching out to put it into practise.
I love him because I feel connected to something bigger and greater than an ideal. I love him because with a touch he can understand my fears, smile at my strengths and hold me when I feel alone. My faith is not tainted, but a guiding light.
No. He is not a Christian. You knew that when he walked onto my path. Where we go only you know, where we end up I trust you’ll watch us as we try to move on together. That yoke we carry we’ll shoulder together, one step at a time. We all carry burdens, I pray we’ll carry ours together.
But. Christians are more then what the world has made us into. We do not hide under rocks or pretend things aren’t happening. We do think. We do feel. We do hope and trust and love. We need to reach out. Just as you did.
I have faith I get to where you want me to be,
I have hope that I won’t give up.
You taught me I can love all people – but I do not have to agree with everything they do. I want to be china plates taken down and enjoyed. I want my faith to be on the dinner table, the base for my life. Not spotless on a shelf.
In His name,
Me.
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