"Mark! Maaaaaaark!"
I can hear my uncle calling for me, but I choose to ignore him for a bit more. I bet the harvester's auto-pilot broke down again and he wants me to drive it around on manual. Most boring job in the whole damn world!
"Mark! Damn it, Mark! Where's that damned kid?"
He's getting annoyed. Good. You damn slave driver. I should be in school, not here. Still, sounds like he's closer... might be better to pop out and say something, before he finds my secret hideout. I quickly get out, ensure that the entrance to my secret spot is hidden again, and walk towards the sound of his voice. I'm no longer a damned kid, I'm now a good for nothing lazy bum.
"Hi uncle Jeff! I was just cleaning the coils. What is it?"
"About time, boy! Been lookin' all over the place for you! Got a task you're going to like. I just bought two new droids. Need you to check'em and reprogram'em for harvesting duty."
"Two? I thought you were only looking to replace the harvester's auto-pilot."
"Yeah, but got a nice deal on them. No papers. Since we had the spare money, thought it'd be a good choice. If one breaks down, we got a spare. Now, stop asking questions and go do your job. I need them ready by the end of the day, or you'll be driving the harvester tomorrow. They're in the main workshop."
"Sure thing, uncle Jeff! I'll get right on it!" You damn dictactor.
I head towards the main workshop. Fancy name for a rundown shack. The two droids are waiting for me outside. Easy to spot'em, they look expensive. Definitely stolen goods. Slave driver, dictator and thief? Nice one, Jeff.
"Hi. I'm Mark. Uncle Jeff told you about me?"
"Greetings, Mark. I am AWPX-1318. This is AWPX-1319. You have been given programmer privileges by Administrator Jefferson."
"Good. Please describe previous functions."
"Unable to comply. That information is classified."
"Damn it. Please state previous owner."
"Xeontech Weapon Systems."
"Weapon Systems? Please state your full designation."
"Automated Weapons Platform Experimental, serial number 1318."
Stolen experimental weapons sold as cheap harvest droids? What the hell...? What did you get us into this time, Jeff?
I've connected both droids to the diagnostics system. Can't access the status of most of the stuff. Almost everything is classified. But, apparently, the power supply is fully functional. That's good, worst case scenario we'll salvage it. Both primary and secondary targetting scanners are working fine. Yeah, that'll do you a world of good while driving around in the harvester. The ARP279B, whatever it is, is functional, but off-line. Wonder what that thing does.
"1318, Please describe ARP279B's functionality."
"Unable to comply. That information is classified."
Nice. Just nice. With my luck, it's some kind of self-destruct device. Damn it, Jeff. 1319 also seems to be in order, just has a damaged vocal processor. Guess that explains why 1318 is doing all the talking.
"1318, can you link your vocal processor to 1319?"
"Unable to comply. System sharing is disabled."
"Then, please turn it on." Dumbass.
"Unable to comply. You do not have enough privileges to enable system sharing."
Seriously, Jeff? You couldn't have made me an administrator? Fine. I'll do it the old fashioned way.
"1319, please redirect your vocal processor data pipe to the diagnostic system's texting processor. Issue confirmation upon redirection."
I stood there a second, waiting for confirmation from 1319. But it was 1318 who spoke up.
"1319 is unable to comply. Communication matrix is damaged."
I looked at the diagnostics screen, searching for a communication matrix sub-system. It wasn't listed as "damaged". What the hell? Its status read "Not safe. Run."
"Yeah, I can see it's damaged, alright. Nothing I can do about it."
Smooth, Mark, real smooth. One thing's for sure: the ARP279B isn't a lie detector. And, whatever it is, 1319 doesn't have one. At least, not listed.
"Suggestion: deactivate unit 1319."
Oh, we're suggesting things now? Aren't we Mr. Smarty Pants?
"Sorry, 1318, unable to comply." Damn, that felt good. Suck it, 1318. "Uncle Jeff wants both of you ready for harvesting duty." I should get that dumbass here, show him what being a cheapskate does. "Think you could get him here, 1318?"
"Affirmative. Scanners indicate Administrator Jefferson is 327 meters from this location."
Those are some mighty fine scanners. I don't even know how it can track him so easily. If I didn't had a bad feeling about this, I'd retrofit you into a Jeff-detector, 1318.
"Great. Go get him, then."
I've watched him move away. 327 meters... 650-ish total... That would give me around, what, 5 minutes?
"Alright, 1319. We have 5 minutes and you seem the chatty type. Redirect your vocal processor data pipe to the diagnostic system's texting processor. Issue confirmation upon redirection."
Nothing. I guess something really is damaged. I looked at the diagnostics screen. "Not safe. Run." was still displayed. What if...
"1319, use the status indicator for the communication matrix to answer. Can you understand me?"
The diagnostics screen changed: "Yes. Run." Mark, you're one smart bastard. Amazing how I'm related to someone as dumb as Jeff.
"1319, use the status indicator for all your subsystems to answer. Why should I run?"
The diagnostics screen changed again.
Power Supply: No time.
Classified: Classified
Primary Targetting Scanner: Not safe. Run.
Secondary Targetting Scanner: Before unit
Classified: Classified
Classified: Classified
Classified: Classified
Communication Matrix: 1318 returns.
Vocal Processor: ARP279B will
Primary Data Core: Disabled
Secondary Data Core: Disabled
Infrared: Disabled
Motion Scanner: Disabled
Ok, something bad just happened. Everything started to get listed as disabled.
"1319, you still there?"
No reply. Remote disconnection, maybe? Perhaps 1318? Damn you, Jeff. Damn you and your "deals".
Ok, Mark, think. If 1318 caused this, he's probably on his way here. Which means he most likely didn't go get Jeff. Which means you won't have an administrator with you. And no weapons. And you can't run away, because his Jeff-detector probably works with you as well. Which means you're screwed. Great. Good to see that Logic Deduction class paying off.
So, what else can I do? Scary thing: the only thing that pops into my mind at a time like this is something that Jeff once told me: "When in doubt, play dumb 'till you figure it out". Oh, now we're following Jeff's advices? Just great. Just damn great. At this rate, I'll be following the "If you can't solve it, do nothing until it goes away". Or however it was that he said it. He even made it rhyme. Whatever.
Well, I stood there, ready to play dumb. But 1318 didn't show up immediately. It took a bit more than 5 minutes, actually. And, surprisingly, Jeff was with him.
"Damn it, boy. Can't you program harvesting droids? I should have asked your cousin Matt."
"I'm sorry, uncle Jeff. These droids are different." And, for your information, Matt has a hard time figuring out when to stop wiping his own ass, I'd like to see him programming a droid.
"Different? Different how?"
"I need Administrator privileges. I can't access most of their normal systems." That, and they're stolen experimental weapon platforms, dumbass.
"Damn. You droids accept Mark as Administrator. Now, boy, don't mess'em up. I'm off to do some real work now, I can't stay here babysitting your ass."
"Thanks, uncle Jeff. I'll try my best." Smug bastard.
Jeff left and I looked at 1318. Nothing? You should be playing poker. You know damn well I did something with 1319, or you wouldn't have shut it off. Fine, act like you don't know it. I'll just play dumb a bit longer.
"1318, please connect again to the diagnostics systems, I need to add the harvesting programs. Do you confirm I have Administrator access?"
"Confirmed, Administrator Mark. You have full access."
Awesome. I quickly accessed 1318's systems through the diagnostics interface. The ARP279B is still off-line. Good. I set it to disabled. Then, I redirected a small overcharge from the power supply to the ARP279B subsystem and damaged it. Thank you, administrator privileges. Mark, you're one smart cookie. 1318, I'd like to see you getting that thing on-line now.
Suddenly, 1319's systems started coming back on-line. Was the ARP keeping it disabled? I wonder if it'll work now...
"1318, please describe ARP279B's functionality."
"The Advanced Remote Pacifier, when on-line, disables all autonomous weapons platforms of the 19XX series within its operational range. By default, it is enabled, but off-line. For safety purposes, it can only be disabled by a human Administrator."
Well, that's weird. It was off-line when I disabled it. So how did it affect 1319? Oh, wait... it didn't... that means... oh, damn. Damn, damn, damn. Mark, you stupid dumbass.403Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZaBlLIXC8
