"Hi, my name is Kate. It's spelled with a 'K' but it's short for Katherine. Which obviously could be spelled a hundred ways, like you know a 'C' and just jumble the rest of the remaining letters in hopes that you get something that still reads, Catherine. I know you're all looking at me thinking I don't look like a 'Kate'. Some people just don't look like you'd expect them to be based on their names and I'm unfortunately one of them. Anyway, nobody cares, can I start over?" I nervously twiddled my thumbs, as I stood in front of a circle of people seemingly not expectant to hear my story. A drop of sweat broke out the side of my head that I immediately wiped with ease with one finger. If only I wasn't late for the party again, I wouldn’t be thrust in this introductory position like this.
The man at two o'clock, the supposed facilitator of the circle, gave me a nod as he checked the length of his fingernails with raised eyebrows.
"Hi again, my name is Kate. And I am a living, breathing meme. Just like the rest of you--" I was glad I got that last word in before the chorus replied, "Hi, Kate." They were very apathetic just like how the movies portrayed these things go. And here I was, thinking it would be any different in real life. Or at least you know, be actually helpful in a sense. But at the rate we were going, it seems like we're going on the stereotypical route. Just an ordinary meeting of strangers with a load of baggage.
This, however, is no ordinary support group. As I would like to think it is not. You see, we didn't come here because we were struggling due to something we've done or what was innate in us. Our struggle is because of what was done to us.
"I, Kate with a K, became a meme on the twelfth of September a year ago."
They all looked at me carefully as if they were trying to recall who I was on the digital universe called the Internet. There was a light chatter among them. With their heads tilted at me, they looked like adorable little puppies wondering what noise just came out of my mouth. It must be very difficult but it shouldn't be. I mean okay, I obviously look different than when that photo of me circulated the web. It wasn't even a photo, people. It was clip. Yes, I am one of the unlucky ones. The world got to see me moving, alive, before people started centering on that screen capture and putting white bold Arial letters on above and below my face. I'm telling you it was that memorable, that just by seeing the screencap, people can play the video in their heads over and over. And over and over. I could go on but I don't really want to remember that happening.
Ah!
The teenage boy wearing thick-rimmed glasses raised his finger to point at me. I mean he probably is not a teenager but he looked like one. He was a Melvin. A classic Melvin. That's probably even him but enough of the speculation and back at his relentless pointing finger and his loud little yap. Everyone's attention followed his index finger, then all towards my face.
"You're that girl!" He claimed with his metal braces. The rest of the circle became a mix of oohs and ahhs. Yes, I'm THAT girl.
People seemed to know at once even if I put effort into not looking like my meme self. Yup, it was a big deal back then, well until now. I believe I created a culture. Or maybe even touched the realm no one has spoken for but everyone knows. I represented the inner psyche of every person around the world who shared the same look I embodied in the meme. Me. Kate. The poster girl for the unenthusiastic handjob.
"Yep that's me. In the flesh."
And they all erupted in laughter.
What the fuck.
I stood there wondering what's new. I've struggled with this for a whole year to not have a thick skin by now. But you know, it still hurts when people kind of just laugh right at your face. I've seen all kinds of laughs from people, strangers and acquaintances alike. There were some who do not hold back at all while others try to keep it in for as long as they can until they break. And when they do, I'm just gonna be left there in an awkward position. Do I laugh with them at my expense? Maybe pretend that it does not hurt to be the butt of jokes of not just one clique, but the world. No big deal.
Once again, I'm in that position. Waiting for the laughter to die out while I stood amidst a sea of judgmental and inconsiderate fucks. I seriously thought it was going to be different. This is all Jason's fault. That bitch. It was his idea to get me into one of these support groups. Clearly, I shouldn’t have trusted him on this matter. He doesn't know what it feels like.
The laughter was starting to subside but as it did, another laugh comes along and it keeps the intensity flowing. That's it.
Before I could turn and get out of the circle, a voice came out of my peripheral.
"Guys, come on."
My eyes tried to find where that smooth ass voice came from. If I didn't know where I was, I would have thought it was Ryan Gosling's voice. But no, Ryan can't be here right? Right? I mean he became a meme once too. No. No way. Up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, bitch are you kidding me? There he was. 8 o'clock.
It wasn't Ryan Gosling, thank God but still he left me stunned right there for about three seconds. A very familiar feeling to be in. I mean, who wouldn't have the same reaction when you're faced with the lovechild of Ryan Gosling and Chris Hemsworth. Like if men could make babies with themselves, this is it. This is the death of this generation's ovaries. Especially with that man bun, which I'm kind of not feeling but who cares when you have that juicy face.
But then he smiled when our eyes met. And I watched that smile slowly turn into a laugh and an even bigger laugh. Like domino, the rest of the circle followed in thunderous laughter. It was hysteria as you know it. And in that moment, no one can be trusted.
I bolted out of the circle almost fuming. And the laughter even grew louder as I headed for the door. This is worse than everything I've experienced in the past year. As I got out, the door behind me immediately opened with the same voice saying 'Hey'.
"Come on, Kate. Kate, right? I didn’t mean it." He scratched his head as he stood before me with half a smile. His shirt rolled up when he raised one hand to the back of his head and there I found the road to forgiveness. The cuts on his waist was magical and the V-road led to the buckle of his belt. I made sure I looked at him from feet to his head just so it does not look like that was the only thing I was looking at. Kate, you’re mad. Remember that was the point you went for the door.
I flipped my hair and gave him a piercing squint as I crossed my arms before him.
"It was just really funny to me." He explained but I really couldn’t be bothered with what he's saying when it is coming from that face. "You really do that face when you're surprised."
"What?"844Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalOldgUZ8d
"That face you did back there. It was exactly what made you famous. Then, you bolted like you were just done with life. It was a really funny meme."844Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ftaJpOawP
"I really don't know if I should appreciate what you just said."844Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Oc4cihI86
"Well, appreciate it, Kate." He winked as if I should get the joke. "Get it? Appreciate Kate."
No. Ugh, no. If only he had a better sense of humor it would have been perfect. But nope.
"Are we done here?"844Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcknNzL5nw7
"Don't leave, come on. You'll like it in this group."844Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfysVPiFAu
"Well, you guys certainly made an excellent impression."844Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIugUQ08jR8
"You don't get it. It's kind of our thing. We try to build thicker skin for ourselves by laughing along with what made people ridicule us. It's an exercise!" He told me that in the most excited manner. As seconds go by, it became clearer to me how this guy is just a face. A beautiful face. An empty shell.
"Really? You know what that's fucking stupid. I've had enough of people laughing right at my face for something I did not do. I've had enough of people making me out into something I'm not and turning me into some things they can bring up so they can have something to feel better about themselves. I am not your clown! I expected more from you people considering you're all supposed to be going through the same things I did. Have a nice day!" I snapped my finger and turned my back on him.
"That's quite a speech but if you came in early, you would know." He shrugged.
"Excuse me?"844Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GSN8h7ZYK
"Yeah, they announced the exercise right before you came in. And you just went on introducing yourself. Like what were we supposed to do?"
This is embarrassing. I must have looked like such a fool back there to even have the guts to walk out. Oh my god. I need to exit somewhere but I'm already outside what do I do? Everything else was open space. It was in that moment I realized how much of the meme was true to who I was as a person. Trust me, it wasn't a great feeling. Especially when the only exit I have is the same door I came out of. So yeah, this is me. This is When Kate Just Can't. And who are you again?
"Aww, hey, I'm Brodie," he reached out his hand. "Bro D, the Ridiculously Photogenic Bro."
Oh.
ns 15.158.61.16da2
