I always wondered. If I was doing it right? I also wondered what the point was to all of this. A friend of mine told me that I just needed to
"Start fresh. A new start, with new friends And a new home. Start again. A second chance."
I wondered what he meant by a second chance. But I didn't think on it long I went home, unpacked and did what I was told.
So...
Dear journal, this was his idea too.Write it all down he said. What could possibly go wrong?
He also told me to Forget. The past, My mistakes, anything before now. So I will.
I've never really had a journal before or a diary or whatever so I'm not sure where to really start but this is a new start for me so I'll try.
Today is like any other day so far I go for a walk as usual, clearing the mind. Walking is good for that fresh air and all. I walk around aimlessly for what feels like an hour then I see someone sitting in the grass on a blanket like she was having a picnic but no one else is there. I start to think maybe she's just waiting for someone to show up so I keep walking but as I'm passing by, I see her shaking a bit and from as far as I am standing I think she's laughing for some reason but somehow that doesn't seem right, It feels off so I stop to take a closer look and I see it, drops are trickling down her cheeks and I realize she's crying so now I feel bad for staring.
I'm ready to go over and ask if she's okay but then I remember why I went to the park in the first place. The fresh air the peace of mind. The park is the one place I feel I can breathe and maybe just maybe that is how she feels right now too, So I will not go over to bother her. I am going to mind my own business and walk away. I feel bad though she cries as if no one is watching and here I am being a freak staring at her because I think she cries beautifully like in the movies no snot just tears and sadness as she cries her heart out. Yeah I know I should walk away now and probably head home I don't feel like going any further. This is enough for today...
5 pm
I don't have an appetite, I just want to crawl into bed and sleep early but I am probably going to watch TV instead and maybe I'll pass out at some point. Today feels uneventful .
8 pm
I'm trying to sleep but I keep picturing that girl crying outside by herself. I wonder how long she stood out there crying after I left, did she get home safe? This is stupid I do not even know her. I am never going to see her again anyways so why worry? Why care? I am too tired for this yet I can't seem to sleep.
12am
My brain will not turn off! Looks like it's last resort time. Sleeping pills here I go. Here comes the nightmares. But Maybe now I can sleep. Finally...
Today= : ( -_-)
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