Nothing was left for me. Nothing was always what I received. Acceptance is not easily obtained, but so many strive for it not realizing that social acceptance is the opposite of their desires. Yet, I follow the same path, and why is that? They have never shown me the slightest bit of respect or interest, and for some unknown reason I want what society thinks is best for me.
Darkness is the only thing that accompanies me at the moment, but it will soon leave me as there is only a few hours left till sunrise. I hate when the sun rises. Not because I despise light, but because I despise the fact that it used to give me hope. Teasing me. Pretending to deliver something that is a necessity for me.
Should I stay in this neither hostile nor peaceful state of mind?
Life is full of positivity and yet an equal amount of negativity. That is not pessimism, but rather realism. Where there is love there is hate, and at the moment I choose to hate: but, maybe in a day or so I'll chose to appreciate the positivity. For now, I cannot stand the incredible stupidity that surrounds me on a daily basis. What is the fucking point in patiently waiting for something I can't even see in the foreseeable future? Right now there is nothing but loneliness, and all the emotions that accompany it. Anxiety, depression, self-hate, anger, pain, misery, and the feeling that it will never end.
If nothing truly meant nothing then why do I have a burning desire for something? Anything to feel slightly accepted by this same society that already rejects me. How ironic that our greatest desire is the feeling of belonging when at the same time we strive to be unique. Yet while I (or we) do feel dejected and lonely at times, their are certain moments in life that will bring us the upmost happiness. These moments are the reason why many choose to stay in this pitiful world, and even though happiness is a temporary state of mind it is also the inspiration to push through this unrelenting darkness.
With the sun rising the thought of hope has begun entering my mind again. It begins to empower myhopes and dreams, overpowering the fears and nightmares that cloud my optimism. With the day beginning, the motivation to keep a smile does not relent until the sun sets. With this cycle of darkness continuing for another night, and maybe for the rest of my life.
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