Wasn't there supposed to be a college right about here? Maybe the next block up? Yeah, yeah there was. You should have run into the campus by now. You run the campus map over with your eyes once more, and, no, the streets don't match up. You lean your head up, pressing your eyes closed for just one second. This can't actually be happening.
You used to tell people that you were from Chicago, when you'd go out of state and they'd ask. You are from the suburbs, but the sudden realization that you are so unfamiliar with the city breaks into your chest just as waves break upon a rocky shore. Your cheeks light up as you realize that, although you've known the suburbs your entire life, you no close-to-nothing about the layout of the city.
Don't let the panic set in. Don't let it set in don't worry you're not lost don't worry not lost not lost. You breathe-feeling the shakiness in your chest. You've only stood lost for a few minutes, but your chest is all but heaving with anxiety. You flex your fingers, feeling the tendons move slowly stiffly-the cold air is freezing the nerves in your finger.
You take off your gloves, seeing that your skin is getting discolored. You guess that you should have listened to your mother when she told you to wear the winter gloves. Cursing yourself silently, you put off the urge to wilt and cry. If you're going to be lost in Chicago you're damn well not going to let anybody around you know. You've heard the stories. The strangers brushing past you as you stand on the block are not all friendly, and could be potentially dangerous.
You told your mother you'd be fine, and you're not one to lie-at least not often.
You turn a full 180, letting your gaze stretch out to lay upon the rows of city blocks behind you-where you had come from earlier. Should you go back, and hope that you can find the subway again? If you go back to the subway, you're not going to have time to go see the campus again today.
But that's better than being lost, right? That's debatable. You're 18 now, you're a big kid, right? Not to mention that if you get lost in the city your mom is never going to let you go to UIC, your dream school since you moved here in 7th grade. No, you can't go back until you see the campus. You've been there before, this shouldn't be so difficult. It's one of the biggest colleges in the state, for heavens sake!
You can see your breath billowing out around you, and your hands are beginning to ache with not only the cold but with the stress. If hot days are known to slow you down and make you tired, then cold days should certainly be known to put you on edge. The cold elevates how jittery you already are, freezing your stressed nerves in place so that your nervous thoughts run wild and all you can do is shake and chatter.
What should I do Where do I go Think Think Think Think. You struggle to think when all you want to do is cup your cold hands over your frozen ears and scream until someone has to come help you. The city never looked so large as it does now, swarming with people who all know where they're going and don't have time to slow down for a young adult that follow directions.
You sigh and start walking. What was that quote? Something about never getting there unless you start to move? Good enough, you're not doing anything just standing there. Your steps feel like thunder upon the ground, your leg muscles so heavy beneath your frozen skin, frozen solid. Half a block later you begin to feel the blood drawing back into your limbs, the very slight and very gradual warmth that returns once you pick up your pace.
Every minute or so you stop, and look at your map in vain, and in each time doing so you are more and more convinced of your lostness. It sets in, the feeling of uncertainty, residing in your torso and slowly spreading through your body. You take a seat on a bench, finished with a chilled metal plaque engraved with the name of a person who once knew where they were going.
Through your moping, you manage to lift your head and look around, and you catch a view of a taxi. Though it's not your first choice, you throw your glove off and ruffle through your backpack, finding your wallet. Yes! You've got some money-a little over forty dollars. Usually you'd be wary of spending that money-you've put it in there strictly for emergencies and emergencies only. Well, if this doesn't constitute then you're not really sure what scenario it is that you're saving the money for.
Your legs barely even protest as you force them underneath you, your body slowed by the cold but light with the newfound hope of an idea. You scold yourself for a moment, as you walk towards the street, for not thinking of something so simple so much sooner. It must have been your nerves getting the best of you, you reason, it must have been the biting cold.
Stepping into the backseat of the taxi, you feel a rush of heat throughout your body. You let out a sigh, swimming in the feeling, the relief heating up your chest. The heat is on full-blast, and you try not to be too excited about taking off your gloves and straightening your frozen fingers against the opposing force of heat. You're so caught up in the relief and the warmth that you forget your surroundings until a short, burly woman sitting in the driver's seat turns around and clears her throat audibly.
"Where to?" She says, eyes unfocused, routinely, hardly even looking at you.
The car jogs forward, dragging over gravel and dipping into potholes, jostling you against the armrest by the window. You didn't really care, at this point, not when you were about the be where you needed to be.
ns 15.158.61.5da2
