"Like, what the hell?!", you exclaimed in annoyance. Just a few minutes ago, you left work with a colleague of yours, heading for the subway station down the street through the residential area. This just wasn't your day. Your boss urged you to go to that 'voluntary' external class of plant lore. "Voluntary my ass.", you remember thinking when you left the superior's office. You had told him it was too far away from your home and you'd have to take a massive detour from work to get to class. Since it was after working hours. It's not like you weren't interested, you attended the class the first time you heard of it. But since it was after work, you were already tired and the professor didn't seem to be tired at all. It was just very hard to follow along with his speed of input. That day you couldn't get home before 8 p.m.. Not the best time to finally arrive home when you have to get up at 5 o'clock in the morning. Albeit a bit disappointed, you decided the time you had to put into the class, which takes place once every week, wasn't worth the amount you could learn from it. You could definitely learn more if it wasn't at such a time, but there wasn't anything to be done about that, since the professor teaching that class also did it during his free time.374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpXdV0lw22
As you discussed this with your boss, he even told you he understood your argumentation, but still asked you repeatedly to attend that class. At the same time, he repeatedly mentioned the class to be voluntary, but it was obvious he wanted you to attend. You didn't even understand why. It wasn't like you desperately needed it to pass the exam of your gardener's apprenticeship. Once you heard that the others of your grade weren't pushed to go there, you were certain it was a personal issue your boss had with you, though you had no idea where that was supposed to come from.374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdLV7vUMIN
You grumbled one last time before letting go of your anger for now. You didn't want this to be the topic of these rare occasions where you could walk together with the one you were secretly in love with. "Anyways. I'm going to first take a relaxing bath at home. What are you up to today?", you asked them. "I'm visiting my sister today. Gonna babysit my niece for a while.", they said with that beautiful voice you loved so much. It was music in your ears. "Is that what you were looking up the way for?", you remembered seeing how they had a route displayed on GoogleMaps on their smartphone. "Yep. Apparently there's a bus stopping right next to her house from here."374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjK2DkPDab
"Oh that's practical.", you commented to which your colleague nodded. It was a shame you couldn't ride the subway together today, as rare as the opportunity presented itself, you thought. The last few days the thought of finally confessing your feelings you had kept hidden for about two years now arose every now and then. It wouldn't be long until exams and who knew if you saw each other again after that. Your thoughts were disrupted by the ringing of your phone in your pocket. "Why now?", this was just another disturbance of your precious time with that unbelievably attractive person next to you. Seriously, sometimes you just couldn't get your eyes off them. Every spot in their face was coincidentally perfectly placed. Every mole added to their charme, every loose strand of hair never made them look messy.374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qPgrtsMqo
It was your mother calling you. So this was not going to be a short call.374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTO7VTR4KTi
Your mother asked you to help her with groceries. She had bought too much to carry them by herself. Well, alright. Since the supermarket was on your way home anyways, you would help her. But when your mother mentioned she was at a different supermarket, one where you would have to take quite the detour to get to, you couldn't contain you discontent: "If you plan on buying that much, why didn't you take the car?"
While you were expressing your annoyance of the day, your colleague signalized they had to take the corner here. So you mouthed each other a "good bye" along with a friendly fist bump. You watched them leave for the other direction only a short moment until your mother caught your attention again. She had told you where exactly she was and at first, you sighed, thinking about the extra detour until you could finally take that relaxing bath you already looked forward to. On second thought though, that supermarket was the same direction your colleague's sister lived. You quickly hang up the phone telling your mom you're "on the way" and shouted after your colleague, who was just passing the street: "Wait -!", as you called their name the person in question abruptly stopped and turned around.374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbR3TfbHtH
You cursed yourself for not thinking about the situation first before acting. As you kneeled on the bloody ground next to your colleague lying there groaning in pain, their otherwise so mesmerizing eyes seemed to loose their brightness with every passing second the ambulance took longer to get to the scene.374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuT0ZtecOZH
Right after you had called out to your colleague you realised how they had originally hurried over the street. The next second you knew why. A car was already approaching. Without even the chance of reaction, you heard the engine roaring up before a loud THUMB threw the body of your colleague into the air. They crashed into the ground where the white station wagon drove through just split seconds before. Without slowing down it took off around a corner.374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUdBAdhxBM
In shock did you watch the scene unfold. Your mind was blank. As your feet carried you to the unmoving body of your colleague a shy thought broke the silence in your mind and loosened the chains of an avalanche of following thoughts: "I'm sorry."
"No" was the only thing you repeatedly mumbled until you reached the side of your colleague. You simply couldn't believe what just happened. Though it was replaced by their name, once you were next to them. They lay there unconsciously on the cold asphalt. You wanted to shake them awake, but were afraid of doing any more damage, so you didn't dare touch them. What were you supposed to do? The driver drove off. Did they even hit the breaks? Didn't you hear the engine roaring up just before the crash? So was that intentional?! No wait, that wasn't important now. Desperately you stared at the displaced joints and the blood collecting underneath your beloved's body when your mind finally seemed to catch up with the situation. You looked around and locked eyes with an onlooker. "Call an ambulance!", you screamed at them, to which they jumped a little before fumbling with their phone, hopefully doing what you asked them for.374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZjYsgexIN
Now in a rush, but not in a panic, you didn't need to search for the cause of the bleeding. Your colleague suffered from a head injury, but the open fracture of their left leg was the reason for the pool of blood. You were terrified by the thought you might not be able to do enough. They just had to live. You wouldn't be able to cope with their death. You felt tears welling up. The situation however wouldn't leave you any recources to try to restrain those. With cold, shaky hands, you hurriedly pulled your scarf from your neck and tried to lessen the bleeding. The moment you pressed down on the wound a subtle groan signaled the conciousness of the injured person. They probably awoke due to the severe pain they were under. Yet again, you called out their name, while apologizing in a whisper again and again and again. Because you felt like no matter how often you said it, it could never be nearly enough.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Your voice had long since cracked under the pressure of your overflowing emotions and you couldn't manage anything inbetween a whisper and a loud, whiny voice. There wasn't anything you could do really while pressing down onto the wound to lessen the bleeding. At least they're conscious, you thought. It pained you more than anything to see them in agonizing pain, but it was a good sign. You just prayed the ambulance would arrive shortly.
As time passed you began to feel the warm liquid being absorbed by the cotton scarf. "When the hell is the ambulance coming?!", you asked rhetorically. Panic started to settle in once again. Because as time passed by and by, you could see your colleague's conscious fading again. You tried keeping them awake by talking to them. Calling out their name every now and then to gain their attention anew. You spoke calming words: "The ambulance is on the way. You're going to survive this.", "It's okay. I'm here. You're not alone.", "Everything will be alright, okay? You just have to stay awake with me.", although you weren't sure if those words weren't actually directed to yourself and you feared your lack of confidence would leak into your voice. "I never meant to do this. This was an accident. But-", but if you hadn't called out to them, they wouldn't lie here. Then that person you secretly loved would be on their way to their sister. Without any injuries. Your rational way of thinking told you that it was just an unfortunate accident. Simply the wrong time and place. But it was hard to not blame yourself. "I'm so sorry."
Finally you could hear sirens in the distance. They got louder quickly, until you were able to see the blue lights reflecting from the houses and parked cars around you. You heard the two doors closing behind you and swift footsteps approached you. The onlooker, who had called the ambulance gave one of the paramedics a brief explanation of what had happened, while the other rushed to your side. The paramedic questioned you about the current situation the injured was in. They had lost consciousness again right before the paramedic's car stopped a few meters away from the scene. Your desperate tries to keep them awake were in vain, as you saw their every muscle loosening up until their head fell to the side.
The paramedics movements were quick and decisive. It didn't take very long for them to get your colleague ready for transportation. All the while you just silently watched them work, still - or rather yet again - crying in fear of loosing them. Guilt dominated your heart and thoughts. Every thought contained some sort of apology and sometimes one or two escaped your lips in a mere whisper.
Once your colleague was brought inside the ambulance, one of the two paramedics came back to you. They asked whether you were okay, as you seemed to be in shock, they said. But you denied any injury, physical or mental, you may have had. Rather, you urged them to take care of your colleague. The only thing you asked was the hospital they were driving to. There was another question you wanted to ask, but it was stuck in your throat until right before the paramedic staying in the back of the ambulance closed the doors. They'll survive, right? But the answer the paramedic gave you wasn't the one you wished for. "I hope.", they just said before closing the doors and the ambulance drove away with their sirens and lights on.
Your world seemed to crumble away right underneath your feet as you kept standing there on that empty street. The pool of blood visible in the corner of your eyes. At some point, shortly after the ambulance had arrived a police car also arrived to document the accident. But it didn't seem likely they would catch the driver that had run over the most precious person in your life, as no one could remember their licence plate. The only thing you were able to remember was it being a white station wagon, but nothing more. Even now you simply stared into thin air. You still couldn't fully accept what had happened. You might loose them without ever having told them the way you feel. You had put them through so much agonizing pain. Standing there, you were certain you could never forgive yourself for what you had done. If only you never called out to them. In your pitiful state only a single thought rang through your mind repetitively.
"I'm sorry."
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