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“Didn’t do it! Didn’t do it!” Yeash, Jack has guilt written all over his face. Can’t Jessica see that?
“Didn’t do it!” I try again. Man, Jessica is not getting this. She forces me into my cage and shuts the door. I put every effort into climbing on the side of the cage, squawking. I am trying everything in me to get her to notice Jack’s paws covered with the jelly. Jessica starts to put a towel over my cage to get me to stop making noise. Boy, if she thinks that is going to work, she is dead wrong. I just scream louder.
I start to think back to the time before I met Jack and Jerry. Before Jessica met Jason. Before Jessica got Juan. When it was just me and Jessica. Jessica and me. We were inseparable. Or so I thought.
The first change was when Jessica brought home Juan. Stupid, bird-brained Juan. No, literally, Juan has a bird brain. He is a Cockatiel. At first, I could not believe Jessica. Going from me, the intelligent African Grey Parrot, to a stupid, ugly Cockatiel. But that was then. Now, Juan and I have joined forces against Jack and Jerry.
Oh, right, Jack and Jerry. That all started when Jessica met Jason. I do not know what Jessica saw in Jason, but it was enough to get married. And, I guess I am ok with that. I mean, Jason is cool. It is Jason’s pets that were the problematic delinquents. Jerry, who is a Siamese cat, was out to get Juan. And Jack, the Leonberger dog, has it for my head. We are all always fighting for Jessica and Jason’s attention.
For example, Jack was able to get the jar of jelly open and smear it all over the counter, making it look like it was me! Unbelievable! That’s not even the scary thing. Jessica actually believes that it was me. Yeah, right. Like I would ever stoop that low.
Poor Jessica. Now she has to worry about cleaning that up; she has other important things to worry about. For example, with all kindness, she seriously needs to go on a diet. She is gaining a little bit around the stomach area, and let me tell you, it is just getting worse.
“Pstt! Over here,” I hear Juan’s voice on the other end of the cage. I trod over and notice that Juan is trying to get the door open. He uses his beak to lift it and open it slightly. “Are you coming out?” he inquires.
“And get in trouble for escaping? No way!” I reply.
“I have an idea of how to get back at Jerry, but I need your help.”
“To get back at Jerry?” I ask him, “I have my own problems with Jack.”
“I am sure you will come up with something,” Juan opens the door wider. “What makes you so sure?” I question.
“Because you are older than Jerry, Jack, and myself combined!”
“Alright,” I utter as I climb out of the cage, “What’s your plan?”
“Operation Flip Kitty Litter begins!” Juan flies off my cage and onto the couch. He ducks behind a pillow then shoots off toward the bathroom. I follow, just a lot less stealthily. Juan grips the rim of the container of kitty litter and motions for me to do the same. I sigh but still grab the container and help flip it over. With a thunk, the kitty litter is all over the bathroom floor.
“Yes!” Juan exclaims as he starts dancing around the bathroom.
“And what, exactly, are you doing?” Jerry walks into the bathroom and eyes the litter on the floor.
“Creating your doom!” laughs Juan as he settles down on the edge of the sink. “Just wait till Jason sees this!”
“With your dead body next to it!” Jerry jumps up and viciously starts to paw at Juan. “Well, time to go. It was nice seeing you,” Juan jumps off the sink and soars out of the bathroom with Jerry right at his heels.
“Try to catch me now!” Juan voice echoes down the hall.
Those kids, I shake my head as I make my way back to the cage.
I jump onto the bars of the cage and climb over to the opening then shut the door behind myself.
“Oh, look who got in time out,” Jack taunts.
“Hey, Jack, control your tail. You are knocking things off the coffee table,” I warn him. Jack looks behind him at his tail.
“Oh, snap,” Jack reaches out with his mouth to stop his tail, but just ends up going in circles.
“Classic,” I chuckle.
“Oh, man! Oh, boy!” Jessica stumbles down the hall and into the living room with a hand on her pot belly. Juan and Jerry follow behind her still in an all-out game of destroy the Cockatiel, but stop when they notice Jessica. Jack stops chasing his tail and also focuses on Jessica.
“Call Jason,” she says as she goes down on her knees.
“Jack! Help her to the couch. Jerry! Find her phone. Juan! Get me out of this cage,” I take charge. Juan works as quickly as he can getting the door open.
“There!” Juan opens it as much as he can as I squeeze through.
Jerry shows up with the phone in his mouth and sets it on the coffee table. I fly over to the table and place my talon on the round button.
“What can I do for you?” a woman’s voice sounds out over the internal speakers. “No way!” Juan starts to examine the phone, “There is a woman in your phone, Jessica! How did she get in there?”
“Call Jason,” I say in my best English.
“Calling Jason,” the trapped woman replies.
“And she will do anything you ask! So cool!” Juan exclaims.
“Hey,” Jason’s voice replaces the woman’s voice.
“And Jason is in there, too! I always wondered where he went during the day,” Juan picks up the corner of the phone and peers under it.
“Jessica in distress. Jessica in distress!” I tell the phone.
“What? Jeff, is that you?” Jason asks.
“Help, help, help!” I scream.
“Wait a minute,” Jason is quiet for a minute, “Alright, I am coming! Tell her I am five minutes away!”
Beep, the phone tells us.
Minutes later, Jason races into the house and dashes to Jessica. He lifts her up and rushes her out the door. Our knight in shining armor. Whatever.
Two and a half days later, they return.
“Baby,” Jessica tells me.
“Baby,” I echo.
“Good!” she hands me a treat, then walks to her room to drop off her bag. I turn back to the “baby” and stare. Jack, Juan, and Jerry peer over my shoulder.
“A replacement! That’s what this is,” Jack is in an outrage.
“And to think we helped them with it!” Juan exclaims.
“They do understand this means war, right?” Jerry watches Jason cross the room. He was right about that. Full. Out. War.
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Baby is now eighteen. And bringing home a girlfriend. She hands me a treat. Yeah! She is on my side!
Joseph enjoys her, too. Joseph is a Belgian Laekenois. Jason got him after Jack died two years after Baby was born.
Jerry died around the same time Baby turned 10. Same year Juan passed. I still miss that little Cockatiel. Jessica got a Tortoiseshell cat and an Eclectus parrot after we lost Jerry and Juan.
I am now 67 years young. Way past my prime. I know I will soon be going to meet up with Jack, Jerry, and Juan. I am glad Jessica got Joseph and the others. Plus, she has Baby. She won’t be alone when I leave her.
Jason was killed in a car wreck when Baby was 3. Jessica still cries when she thinks about him. I feel like crying when I think about it.
Not Jason. It. Old times. The days when Jerry would never leave Juan alone. The days with Jack and his never stopping tail. The days with Juan and his Operation Flip Kitty Litter. And those days didn’t stop when Baby came along. They just became better. All four of us combined forces against Baby. Baby still has a scar down his left temple. Jessica has no idea where it came from. That was an operation gone totally wrong. Juan would tell you it was an operation gone totally right, just not in the way we expected. I really miss Juan and his optimistic spirit.
I would do anything to go back to those times. But, there are a lot of good things about these times. Like Baby and his girlfriend.
Juan would say that to get good you have to give up some other good. He is kind of right as I think about it.
There are bad times and good times. But in the bad times there are good times, and in the good times there are bad times. You just have to look and stay focused on the good. But, I know I had great times with Jessica and Jason and Juan and Jerry and Jack. And now, I know that I am going to have great times with Jessica and Baby and Baby’s girlfriend and Joseph and the others.
I am never going to forget those times before.
But, I am going to cherish the times now.
Good or bad.
I will love them all.
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