A/N: wEE i'll try to keep this short. Thank you to Johnissherlocked, Pininglock, Disnewholockian, and Watsonyourmindd, for the wonderful editing skills and moral support and prompts and stuff. I love all of you so so so much, and I couldn't do this with out you.
Please give me feedback bc i'm a needy dumb baby that needs a lot of validation
-SH
Also thank you for taking time out of your day to read this. It means the world to me.
When Scarlett returned downstairs, Roger was alone at the table. His fingers were rhythmically drumming against the wood. His jaw was set, and his eyes bore into the front door. He looked so tired. Black circles were etched under his eyes. Scarlett felt an ache in her chest. Here, with only the two of them in the room, things didn't seem so real.
Scarlett must have made some sort of noise, because Roger finally tore his gaze away from the door and looked at her. She couldn't read his expression, and it was driving her crazy. She'd always been able to tell what Roger was thinking.
But it was all an act she reminded herself. She suddenly found it hard to look at him.
"Where'd James go?" she asked, more to distract herself than out of curiosity. Scarlett knew his type. Arrogant. Sarcastic. Convinced the world owed him something.
It was dumb. The world didn't owe anybody anything.
"I don't know," Roger propped his elbow up on the table and rested his face in his hand. "He just took off. He's always been like that, ever since we were kids."
Scarlett sat down across from him. She wasn't sure what to say.
After a moment of silence, she asked, "How's your shoulder?"
"Fine," he answered, his blue eyes meeting hers in the dark.
"Look i'm sorry about this," he said, after a moment of silence. "About all of this. . . especially about. . . us. God, I was so stupid."
Scarlett swallowed hard. A lump was beginning to form in her throat. She wasn't sure she could take it if he confirmed her fears out loud.
She knew it was stupid, but a small part of her still had hope that Roger loved her, or at least some what cared about her. For so long, Roger had been her solace. When her dad got too drunk, when Damon's dreams sent him sobbing into her arms, Roger had always been there. She had risked everything to meet with him at night. She spent hours worrying about what her father would do if he caught her sneaking out. Several times, when she was nearly sick with fear, she'd almost called the whole thing off. But she hadn't. She loved Roger. And if the whole thing. . . the whole goddamned thing was a lie…
"I love you," The words tumbled out of Scarlett's mouth before she could stop them. She was terrified and exhausted and worried, and she felt like she was losing control of herself. Her hands were shaking and she was dangerously close to tears.
The look on Roger's face was enough to tell her that she'd made a mistake. There wasn't love in his eyes. Only pity..
"Oh, Scar," he whispered, and that was it. Everything came crashing down on her. She started crying. She knew Roger probably thought she was a pathetic little kid but she couldn't help it. She stood up, meaning to go upstairs, outside, anywhere, but Roger was in front of her in an instant.
"Scarlett, please-" he said, his eyes pleading. Scarlett shook her head, choking back a sob.
"I'm sorry," she choked. "I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. Roger, I can't-" she couldn't continue.
Roger wrapped his arms around her, her cheek pressing into his uninjured shoulder. It felt so familiar and so natural. That made Scarlett sob harder. He held her while she cried, as he had in the past.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, occasionally. He even stroked her hair.
God, Scarlett felt like such an idiot. Here she was, blubbering in some guys arms because he didn't love her? She was disgusted with herself.
Scarlett wasn't sure how long they stood there, but slowly her sobs faded. She backed away from Roger, wiping her face with her hands.
"I'm sorry," she said, not meeting his eyes. "It's just, my dad, and Damon, and all of this," she waved her arms in an all encompassing gesture. "And you, on top of that. It's just a lot to take in. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with this."
"Scarlett, stop apologizing,"he said. She looked up, forcing herself to meet his eyes. Scarlett had always thought she could get lost in those eyes. Now she knew.
"This is all my fault and I can't explain to you how sorry I am. I was only thinking of doing my job. I thought I could keep a better eye on Damon if I knew someone on the inside. I never should have let it escalate, but I did, and I'm sorry for that."
It was like a blow. Scarlett dug her teeth into her raw lip.
"You have every right to hate me, to resent me. You can yell and scream at me. God knows i deserve it, you can hit me, I don't care. I'm truly sorry."
Scarlett shook her head, choosing her words carefully. "It felt...real."
Roger looked sad. She didn't know why he was sad, but it was the best way to describe his face.
"There's someone else," he said slowly, studying her face.
Scarlett felt sick.
"So you have girlfriend?" Scarlett asked, anger seeping into her voice.
"No. God, no," he backpedaled. "No, I haven't seen her in a few years, actually, we grew up together."
Scarlett nodded.
"Are you going to be okay?" Roger asked, looking at her with genuine concern.
Scarlett laughed, wiping at her eyes with the hem of her shirt.
"I'll be fine eventually. To be honest, if I was in your position I probably would have done the same thing." Roger honestly looked surprised. Scarlett doubted he'd expected her to be forgiving. "I'm just worried about Damon. I mean he's six. And he has a huge target painted on his back. Roger, if anything happens to him, I'll never be able to live with myself."
"Nothing going to happen to him. We're going to keep him safe. I promise."
Scarlett nodded again, not trusting her voice.
Roger leaned down and gently pressed his lips to her forehead.
"Get some sleep," he said, pulling away. "I'll wait up for James. He usually comes back in a few hours."
Scarlett was too drained to argue. She climbed the stairs and found Damon's room. She slid under the covers beside him. She wondered what he was dreaming of. He wasn't tossing or turning or crying, so she assumed they weren't that bad.
She rolled over and was asleep within minutes.
ns 15.158.61.20da2
