a helping hand
"Emmi, what seems to be bothering you?" Scriff said when we got back to the apartment.
I hadn't said anything since I last spoke with Memmi and Bit, there was so much on my mind. Imagine, if you will, being told that your entire life is fake, it's just words on a page, and even then what's there can be undone, taken apart at any moment. What sort of life is that to lead? Who is even in charge of my own destiny, then? Why would they let me loose in a world destined to fall apart? Why couldn't I have been written into a happier, more peaceful story? I could have been a muffin baker who lives in some cute little town and the only conflict is Miss Macgillicutty's muffins might be better, and we bake muffins to prove who is the best baker and the whole town votes and I've got a kitty with me and... and...
Hey now, it'll be alright.
And now my own internal monologue is being invaded. Nothing is sacred, I'm never alone.
Look, I'm trying to help you.
And just who do you even think you are?
I'm the author of the story, of draftware.
And I don't get any control of my own destiny?
I mean, you're the main character, I write about you, I figure things out through you, and sometimes I write up tough scenarios.
Yeah, I'd say you do.
But I always find a way out of them. I mean, first off, if you couldn't get out of a particular problem there'd be no story, it'd just end and that's that. That's no good.
Okay, I get that, but... look at this mess I'm in!
I've been looking at it. It's rough, dealing blows like this to characters I loved creating, but that makes getting out of the situation and fixing things all the greater, my final chapter all the more bittersweet. What do I get out of just senselessly destroying things?
So like what you did to Bit?
Okay, that's neither here nor there at the moment, we'll come back to that one.
I think we should get to it now.
Suzy... the important thing out of all of this is you can trust me.
But the Watchers are actively trying to win your favor to write me out of existence.
And that'll never happen, because then draftware has no protagonist. Who'd read a story with no protagonist? That's just a description of a place and that's it.
But couldn't the Watchers become the new protagonist?
They kinda blow, honestly. I mean, how many chapters do they have to themselves, two?
You're not even sure? You wrote this! You're currently writing this!
Look, things are rough, I get it, but I promise there's an end to this, one that doesn't end with you getting hurt. If I had no faith in draftware, I wouldn't write it.
I guess that makes sense, there just...
What is it?
I just... I just want a nice, easy, relaxing chapter, please. Nobody gets hurt or messed up, nothing terrible happens, no hexadecimals, just... you know what I'm talking about, right?
Okay, I'll see what I can do about that. I should let you get back to the chapter at hand, though.
"Alright," I replied, wait, hold up.
"Emmi? You kinda blanked there for quite a while. Are you alright?"
"I think I just had a run-in with the author."
"Maybe you also got messed up back there..."
"No, I think... I think it's supposed to happen, but... um, could you please not touch me?"
"Oh, sorry, I--"
"--No, I get it, but, um... not really comfortable about that right now. But—where was I... I think I meant to run into the author there? I was kinda thinking to myself about how much things are messed up and all the sudden they were in my thoughts and told me things would be fine, but they're not currently fine, which is my problem to begin with. I don't know really who I can trust, which bothers me quite a bit at the moment."
"I mean... you can trust me, right? And Craggy? An--"
"I can, I just don't know if I can even trust myself."
"Well here, tell you what: because you can trust me, I can tag along wherever and make sure you're alright. Sound good?"
"I'd like to think I don't need a chaperone. Especially an amnesiac one when I'm also kind of short on memories."
"Oh, well, um..."
"It's fine, Scriff, I'll... I'll just keep an eye out for anything that looks off; I just want a peaceful day."
"I... um... what do you want out of that?"
"I don't know."
"I'd go back to the book, but... I'm so..."
"It's... it's fine."
"I mean... are you upset? Do you need something? I want to help, I just want to find out how."
"Um... I think right now I just need a nap and maybe something to eat."
"Then here, let me grab the blanket... alright, and I'll be right here."
"Thank you, Scriff."
"Sweet dreams, Emmi."
ns 15.158.61.8da2
