Noah didn’t know what was worse, the obviously microwaved food, the uncomfortable bean bags or the creepy boy staring at him constantly from the other side of the room. He considered closing the curtain, but he wasn’t going to let that boy see him sweat. Not that it really mattered. Both he and this boy were there for the same reason.
It had been two weeks since Noah had been put in Silver Lining, and every day he cursed Chad’s name. However, after the first week, he had mixed his anger at Chad suggesting he go there with a flutter of anticipation. He told himself each night that he would see that stupid man soon if he put up with everything for just a few more days.
He was finally on his last day at the psychiatric hospital and his parents arrived to pick him up. His father spoke in hushed tones as if he was worried too much volume would shatter Noah like glass. His mother, on the other hand, complained about the hospital bills the entire trip home, interjecting her rants with questions to Noah about how he was feeling. Noah simply and without elaboration said that he was fine, each utterance of this answer more pointed in tone than the last.
When he went back to school, he held his breath. He had no idea who Chad had told about the suicide attempt, if anyone at all.
No one looked his way, so he let go of his breath and searched the school for Chad, who smiled and waved before frowning and turning his head.
Chad repeated these motions in the classes they shared. And lunchtime. And after school. Noah felt his heart drop right to the ground like someone had tossed stones into it.
The next day rolled around and Noah walked up to Chad during lunch. He grabbed him by the arm and dragged him outside.
‘The fuck are you ignoring me for?’ he asked after getting him under the bleachers.
‘I wasn’t trying to ignore you!’ Chad exclaimed with his hands moving about. ‘I wanted to give you some space. I didn’t want a repeat of last time, what with me intruding on you and stuff.’
‘Wouldn’t refusing to talk to me at all make things worse?’
Chad blinked three times before silently making an O shape with his mouth. ‘Fair point,’ he said while rubbing his jaw and looking at the ground. Noah hitched his breath at the gesture, trying not to get too distracted. He put his hands in his pockets and sighed.
‘So, well, what exactly are we now?’
Chad let go of his jaw and grinned. ‘You still up for that? I started thinking you weren’t in the right frame of mind when you kissed me, so I was getting a little worried. Plus, I did a godawful job talking you out of suicide, so it’s a miracle it turned out okay. Oh, but you’ve still got more recovery to do, right? I should probably wait until-’
‘How long do you think that’s going to be?’ Noah yelled.
Chad flinched. ‘A few months?’
Noah groaned but lowered the volume of his voice. ‘It’s going to take me years and years. I don’t think I can wait that long. Hell, therapy might last my whole life.’
The O mouth returned to Chad’s face. ‘Okay, so, maybe we could, I dunno, take it slow?’
‘We’ve already done it. How slow could we possibly get?’
‘Well, um, we could just take it slow from now on. You know, go on a couple of dates every once in a while. No super big commitment.’
‘What, so you can go bang a bunch of foids?’ Noah blurted out before immediately covering his mouth. ‘Sorry,’ he said through the gaps in his fingers. ‘Just slipped out.’
Chad frowned for a moment before giving Noah a warm smile and placing his hand on his shoulder, massaging his neck with his thumb.
‘Slow and steady it is,’ he said. Noah moved his hands to the rest of his face and tittered, earning an even bigger smile from Chad. ‘So, secretive or not secretive? After what we’ve been through together, I don’t think I care what people think anymore.’
‘Maybe secretive for the first week.’
‘And then?’
‘And then I’ll have made up my mind. Maybe we’ll be open, maybe not.’
With a nod from Chad, the two grabbed each other’s hand and squeezed it before letting go and heading out from under the bleachers.
They passed Stacy crying as her friends berated her. Chad was about to try and rescue her when he saw Becky standing behind her with a hand massaging the crying girl’s shoulder.
Stacy wiped her tears away and told her now-ex friends in no uncertain terms, ‘Fuck off.’ When the girls left, she cried into Becky’s chest.
‘You’ll find some new friends,’ Becky said as she patted her girlfriend on the back. ‘I just know you will.’ She gave her a light kiss on the forehead and Stacy reciprocated with a kiss on the lips.
Upon seeing this display, Noah initially felt his hands clench into fists, but he then realised how close one of his hands was to Chad’s and grabbed it.
Chad beamed with the joy of a homeless person winning the lottery. ‘No secrets, then?’
Noah paused, then nodded. ‘I managed to get someone interested in me. Might as well show that off.’
Chad put a hand on his chest and feigned shock and horror. ‘I’m just a prize to you?’ He smirked and leaned down to Noah. ‘How much am I worth?’ Noah rolled his eyes but chuckled.
As they walked into the cafeteria, hand in hand, Tyrone started an oh so witty quip but remembered Chad’s treatment of him earlier and zipped out of the cafeteria.
During the weekend following two weeks, Noah watched Chad play football and then took him to his place. The laptop was back in its spot but the walls were still bare. The couple put all of Noah’s anime merchandise back in their original places along with the planes and the NFL poster. When Chad pulled out that poster, he rolled it and unrolled it multiple times as if expecting to see a different poster when he unrolled it. Noah laughed at this and Chad joined in.
While Chad sat on the bed waiting to watch anime with his boyfriend, Noah opened the laptop and went onto the incel forum. He moved his mouse over the delete account button and, following a deep breath, clicked it.
ns 18.68.41.140da2
