𝑰'𝒎 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒄𝒐𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅.
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𝑰 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓.
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I toss and I turn in my bed, those words echoching in my head. How am I meant to fall asleep like this. I pull myself out of bed and pull of the covers. The floor itself is cold and stone but all my feet feel is the bear rug. I go over to the desk and pull out my music box. It was a simple rosewood marron box and a heart carving in the middle.
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I remember when my father had given this to me. I could have been more than five or six. My mother was so worried I would break it but he just couldn't refuse to give it to me. My daddy gave me what I wanted and spoiled me endlessly. When we ate dinner together he would always give me food he thought I wanted not for himself.
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He and I would read together or I would lay next to him as he read to me even as I got older. He always believed in me and supported me.. no one belives in me like he did, a father's love is eveything. A father is always a constant and always there for you. You need them like we need air, to have them gone it's like drowing under the water.
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I miss him and I reading together, there is alot I miss about Daddy.
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The library, I could fall asleep by reading. There was one around here in the palace, Princess Kate had mentioned it on our personal tour. If only I remembered the right way. I look down the hall way and secure the night gown around my waist.
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I close the door behind me and go right. I'm sure she said it was that way, I open the door and it's another guest bedroom. I retrace my steps and go the other way instead, I may have better luck. I open another door and can barely see anything. The only light is the moonlight through the window.
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From what I can see is a bunch of books on a desk and books linning the wall on shelves as far as I can see. I step into the room and go to the nearest shelf. Checking the shelf I see familiar names, Romeo Juliet, The Canterbury Tales, and some more recently published books like Grims Fairytales. "Ooh! They have Pride and Prejudice!" I squeal out, I can't help it. I've wanted to read that book ever since it came out a couple months ago.
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I've heard it's really good read but quite risqué which is why mother hasn't let me read the book itself yet. I grab Pride and Prejudice from the shelve and move to the desk. I sit down and open the book, it has the smell of a new book. The pages are white and new.
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After a couple of pages it does the trick and I feel my eyes dropping more and more. I know I should get up and go to my own bedroom but the library is in it's own way so comforting and reminds me of home.
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There is a dark alley way, two figures dressed in black claoks go up to a shaggy old building. "Who are you" I say out loud but no words come out of mouth. I lift up my hand and instead of it's normal appearnce it's almost invisible, see through even. Walking over I try to follow them only to find out I can walk right through the door.
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I shouldn't be able to walk through walls, I should have crashed.
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Unless, this isn't real.
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I raise my left hand and slowly count from one to five. "Four, five, six" I say and stop, my hand looks unnatural. Instead of five normal fingers there are seven. It looks mangled like a tree branch, crowded and small. The person in question unveils themselves. Raven curly hair and sea green eyes, they look almost excalty like Ara, Gina thinks as she steps closer to get a better look.
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The fire gives some light to the room and Gina notices the amount of detail and color of the bodice and skirt. It shows how rich she truly is to afford such delicate design and blue and purple hues. It takes just a moment but suddenly I know who she is.
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It's Leonor...
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What could she be doing here? This time of night is no place for a lady let alone an Infanta. This could ruin the Crown entirely and hurt the Royal Family. I wish I could hear them more clearly.
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Suddenly it was as if I were right next to them, clear as crystal. "When the family is at the Ball, no one will be around to gaurd the throne room" a man is scratchy and older. "We will handle the guards, persuasion or murder" the man shrugs his shoulders as if one talked about the rain. Cold and indifference rings out.
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"We will make sure my sister's regin ends soon enough" Leonor hisses and even though I'm right next to her, it mumbled and distorted. Eveything around her starts to glitch, disappearing and she hears a voice calling her to wake her up.
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"I can't leave, I don't want..".
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"What, where, Who?" I gasp and try to slow my heart. Fear courses through me as the thunder and lighting rings around the room. It wasn't a person at all, just a bit of thunder. It goes as quick as it came and yet I still hear a noise. Distant and far as it is, it's still there echoching. As if it's meant to be heard.
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It almost sounds like coughing and as I move closer and closer. I realize that's excalty what it is and I arrive at a door. The figure is hunched over and ragged, having just come out of a coughing fit. Lighting flashes once again and I can see that it's none other than Joshua.
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Different emotions flash before me and I'm not excalty sure how to feel. The one that takes over the most is sympathy. How I hate myself for that. I walk into the room and light a candle opera. The light eliminates the room but it also puts a soft glow on Josh's face.
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His normal sun kissed skin is pale and dripping with sweat. His normal blue eyes have dark circle and I can't help but wonder if he has slept at all. "How long have you been feeling this way?" I question as I put my arm on his forehead. If the sweating hadn't given it away his forehead certainly did.
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I pull away my arm still hot from his feverish skin. "Im fine" Josh croaks at me and I just give him a look instead. "It's just the flu, nothing to terrible. It just started last night anyway". His answer doesn't sooth me as much as he thinks. "You need to cool down, we both know how dangerous a fever really is. Who excalty knows your sick well we're at it?" I can't stop myself from lecturing him. "We both know you rarely ask for help when you need it".
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I grab a bowl and pitcher of water and drop my washing in it. "No one knows but you now. I know a fever is no laughing matter but I didn't want anyone to worry" Josh tries to explain himself as I apply the washrag to his head.
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Instinctively he shivers from the contact and avoids my eyes. "What are you doing still awake at such an hour. It is almost five past twelve in the morning" avoidance and redirecting, cleaver boy. "I had trouble sleeping and went to read a book" his eyebrows jumped up and looked almost suprised. "You were in my library" Josh chuckles and very amused brings some color back to his face.
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"What? How is that your library?" I ask in disblief, a man cannot possibly have a library that close to his bedroom. "You grew up in a mansion. Even then this room is just part of my.." Josh pauses unsure of what to say. His bind having gone blank and I try my best to help. "Afternoon Tea, garden, water, roses" I list unrelated things hoping it might Kickstart his brain.
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He laughs and shakes his head but unfortunately his laughs quickly turn to coughs. He goes into a fit and clutches his chest. I'm unsure as to what to do, I can't go to the kitchen without getting lost.
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Josh slowly gets up from his bed and walks over unevenling to his desk. He switches a knock on it to reveal a secret passageway. "How many secret passage ways does this place have?" I shocking state as I look into the black abyss. "How did you know there were others" Josh wheezes as he walks back to bed. Taking alot of effort in doing so already.
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"Ugh, lucky guess" I brush off his question, I don't want to tell him about my dream. "This will take you to the kitchen and back". I am hoping that for once I can trust his words as I walk down the passageway.
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It didn't take me long to get to the kitchen, what did take me awhile was finding the mustard and honey. I warmed the mustard on a cooking pot on the stove. I also grab a tray to put the hot mustard, grabbed some whiskey to warm it. I added tea and to the hot whiskey and added honey to it. Grabbed the hot mustard and jar of honey.
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I quickly retrace my way back to Josh's room, lucky for me there is only one way to go. I rush to his side, I unbutton his shirt and add the mustard to his chest. It isn't as hot as it had been. I give him his Hot Totty and a spoonful of honey for his throat.
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"Thank you" he whispers his eye dropping more and more. "Im glad your taking care of me" my heart skips a beat. "I am glad as well" I whisper to no one but myself. The old him wouldn't have let himself be babied. "Goodnight, Josh" I go to kiss his check but catch myself.
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𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑒 𝑠𝑜 𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝒉𝑖𝑚, 𝒉𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢. 𝐷𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑏𝑒 𝑠𝑜 𝑛𝑎𝑖𝑣𝑒. I haven't forgiven him, you know that. I still have to give him a chance. 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐦, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭. 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞. 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝒉𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑𝑛'𝑡, 𝑤𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝒉𝑖𝑚
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I shake my head, it's to late to be arguing with myself. My conscious is so annoying sometimes, I wish I was as kind to myself as I am to others, sometimes.
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Climbing under the covers, I drift off to a deep sleep and dream of marrying a certain blue eyed boy.
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