Dear future self,
A few years ago I decided that I hated you. I decided that the notion of you was enough to send me reeling, from both nausea and contempt. I found that any mention of you clouded my vision with red. I hated you.
I may still. Though my hate is not unwarranted.
I spend hours of my time dreaming of imaginary scenarios of a life that does not yet, and may never, exist. It is so difficult to ground myself in the now; Every place I have been exposed to has not only demanded, but expected of me, that I plan ahead. 697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOl3kuH5IG
Plan in advance, be ready for every scenario. Make a calendar, draft a schedule-and don't you dare stray, girl. Don't dawdle, life is short, make the most of your time, impulsive is synonymous with reckless. What do you want to be when you "grow up"? What do you want to do with your life? You'd better start planning.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
I do not. 697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNGKcZ2BX0
I have elected to do things as I see fit in every scenario, not as I see fit for some sort of canvas that I cannot even hope to fulfill. I can decide and judge on past experiences, and hope for future ones, but I will not plan my successes. How can one plan success?
I will not spend too much time planning that I miss my chances. Why should I plan if I can do? I can act, I can work, I can live.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjr7LaasQAB
I do not.
But I do see myself today. I see myself work-beaten and contentedly exhausted. I see myself working to be something that I love on the present day. I set long-term goals based on world views, everyday judgement, and pure unabashed ambition, though I never set a deadline. I will not conform to time slots; My goals will come when I have achieved them, whether that be ten or twenty or sixty years.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fjSzeU6mb
I am never going to be wholly, completely me. I am not a constant, I have no equilibrium. I shift haphazardly, I adhere to shaky morals, I am easily persuaded by a good argument. My world views are all but day-to-day decisions that I make up on the go as I collect information. I never intend to stop collecting information.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQY3CjVzXjk
I've started to set my alarm for 4:30 AM everyday. I want to get the most I can, I want to do as much as possible. Honestly, I couldn't give a genuine reason. I love being awake before the rest of the world, I love to know that I got a head-start for today, so I can move tomorrow up to today and the day after tomorrow up to tomorrow. I love to compact myself into time; I cannot stand to schedule my work. 697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIy0QDJuNZ
Where do you see yourself in ten years?697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaDxO1gNzw
On an average, 150,000 people die every day. I will not give my efforts to pragmatism in order to work towards a day that may never even come. 697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREpWujF9bN
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
If I am to work towards a day, rather than a goal-a step-, what am I to do when that day comes?
Where do you see yourself in ten years?697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynt14DcPZ4
How can I work towards a day; How can I plan for eventual stagnation? I fear a stagnant life more than I fear the loss of one. There is no sense in having a life if you do nothing with it. I cannot be satisfied with stagnation. There is not end goal, there are only stepping stones. 697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfCuu9wOQi
Where do you see yourself in ten years?697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eVMuvx3tk
Future self, I hated you years ago because I feared that I would not become anything and everything that I planned so dearly for. I waited anxiously for a purpose, a goal to work towards. I toiled and stressed over the complications that set me back, I saw extra time taken on my goals as time lost. 697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucbj7ozlnE
I believed that a deadline was more important than a change. I believed that I was all or nothing, and that if I hadn't had myself sorted out by a certain date then I would never have anything sorted out. And, I of course believed that there was no chance of redemption after a failed goal. I believed that since I could no go back to fix my mistakes, that there was no way for me to succeed in the future.
I saw time spent fixing past mistakes as time wasted. I saw time spent methodically working towards an eventual failure meant that the entire past of my life meant nothing.
Three years ago I tried to kill myself.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87Z6J6d8GU
Now, future me, I hate you for different reasons. Nothing against you, I'm sure you're alright. I hate the idea of you, the things people expect of you. I hate the way you press me for answers and the way you expect me to do things for you. 697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6b5GZqGXB
I will never do things for the future. I will refute the Machiavellian impulse and work to do what I believe is right and feasible for each day. I will work day by day.
And I'm a whole lot fucking happier than I was when I was working for you.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMJYk66lKG
697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLPqXIQf5F
Not only do I adamantly refuse to answer that question, I also could not do so if I wanted to. 697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfE0ga4veB
What do you want to do with your life?697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1gWXNHTZB
I want to do good today. 697Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyn7PNRVJxC
