How has it been five years?
Five years since I met him. Five years since I first saw his face. Five years since I first fell for him.
Well, obviously, I didn't know it at first; I was, after all, only ten. What did I know about love?
But what I did know was that there was something very striking about him, and though I couldn't identify the feeling, I knew that I, in some way, had what I then thought was a teeny tiny crush on him.
It was cute, honestly; looking back on it now, how tongue-tied I was whenever he spoke to me, how so timid I was in his company. In my naive eyes, the two years between us seemed like eons, and something about that intimidated me.
If I really think about it, I was so incredibly lucky to have that innocence. To just have thought a boy was cute and not have to stress about everyone else who thought the same thing. I didn't have to bother thinking about the other girls, the exes, the friends; it was so straightforward, so uncomplicated.
But sometime in the past few years, we grew up. And there's a major difference between having a harmless little crush on a twelve-year-old boy and being head over heels in love with a seventeen-year-old one.
Because with age, he became gorgeous; with his sharp jawline, and unkempt hair, and wide grin, he evolved into this specimen of magnificence. And now I'm nervous in a different way, not frightened to talk to him, because yes, I've changed too, but terrified that someone will snatch him up before I have the chance to. Scared that I'll lose something I've wanted for five long years, lose him and the way he makes me feel, no matter how much older I get.
But I try to muster up hope because there's something to be said for the eye contact, the nervousness his confident self takes on when I'm around, the way his tone changes when addressing me. 263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQ25r7Hing
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And I know that without closure, I'll never be able to give him up, never be able to let him go, not knowing what could've been.
I'll never be able to let this go because that girl, that timid, naive, clueless girl from five years ago, still loves him.
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