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The next few days I devoted myself to getting to know the pack, and while they, like Leo, were taken aback at first by the fact I was a mortal with a wolf, they soon warmed up to me, and before long, I'd been made to feel welcome. I held off on swearing to the pack, not sure what my sisters would think, but no one seemed to mind, and soon I was immersed - both literally and figuratively - in the pack life.
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There were also loads of other things to do, and I soon found myself learning all kinds of new things, like pool, table, tennis, chess, and so on. It was sometimes hard to remember my mission, especially when I was immersed in learning a sneaky new chess move from Nathan, or an equally cheeky countershot to Bella's furious forehand, and sometimes I wondered if any of them suspected why I was here. It put a slight pall on things at times, and when I lay in bed at night, listening to the cicadas, I felt like an outsider all over again.
Those were the nights when I slipped out of bed and made my way to the second-floor pool to go for a long nighttime swim to try and chase the uncomfortable thoughts away - and I largely succeeded. It was like the old days when I'd been such a brat to my sisters, where being underwater was the one safe space I could find a measure of peace.
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Some nights, though, even spending hours underwater lost its allure, and I ended up wandering restlessly through the castle, wondering just what the hell I was doing here. No matter how many times I told myself I'd be beaten bloody if I let my sisters down, I had the feeling I was doing something terrible by coming to the Moon Blood packhouse under false pretences. I had a mission, I reminded myself. I had to take Sean down and turn him into a puppet for my sisters' use so they could breed children who would one day take over the world and make it theirs. They'd entrusted me with the mission, when one of them could have so easily gone in my place.
So why on earth did I feel like I was going down a path that would only end in disaster for me?
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One night, fed up with the endless circling going around in my brain, I walked out to the lake. The moon was full, and I had a sudden urge to explore the deep waters surroundng the castle. The lake was, so I'd been told, perfectly safe to swim in, and tonight I felt like going deeper.
The water was very dark when I dived in, but it caressed and cradled me in a way the pool couldn't do. Perhaps it was the fact the lake was so much wider and deeper, and for the first time since coming to the castle, I felt more at peace, and more free.
'Can we?' Caira asked me, as I sank deeper and deeper underwater. It was so dark, but I felt, and though the surface was so far away, I felt no fear. I was free here.
'Can we?' Caira asked again, as I let myself float near the bottom of the lake. I was very deep underwater, deeper than I'd ever been, but it was peaceful, and I felt the endless silence pressing on me, calming me.
'Can we?' Caira asked a third time.
And the air burst from my lungs in a great cloud of black and silver bubbles.
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I kicked desperately for the surface, lungs burning as Caira's presence was ripped away from me, losing precious air as I struggled to reach the surface before I ran out entirely. But the surface was so far away, and I felt my sisters' grabbing hold of me, trying to force me to stay underwater until I was out of air. I screamed silently, but their minds were like hooks, taking control of my body and forcing me away from the surface and the life giving air waiting for me.
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I kicked and flailed, screaming helplessly. Air! I needed air! But I was too deep underwater, and my sisters were pulling at me, keeping me so deep I knew I'd run out of air long before I could be rescued. And my mind kept screaming, pleading, begging for air, knowing all along I'd been wrong to take on their mission, wrong to trust them when they said they'd let me do this alone. They'd played me false all this time, and I let out a silent underwater sob, trying hard to fight as my sisters pulled me deeper and deeper, the precious air in my lungs running out at last as I finally started to drown. But this time, I felt peace. For at least I'd be dying as myself, not a creature of my sisters' whims, but as me. I wasn't a mess like they'd told me I was; I was me. And in the last moments before the darkness took me, I felt free. My sisters wouldn't be able to get their slimy hands on my soul.
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